The Grief Club Quotes

“That's the thing with addicts. We don't intend to drink or use drugs. Usually the times we most shouldn't drink or use is when we end up drinking and using the most. Loss of control is the identifying stamp and seal of addiction. We lose control of when we use, what we use, how much we use, and what we do when we're drunk or stoned.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“When we got clean, we could do things other people couldn't—like help other addicts and alkies get sober. We could be as good as we'd been bad. We were useful; there was a place for us in the world. It had been fun to get high, but it was even more exciting to get sober. We believed in recovery. We believed in people. We believed in life, and we believed in God. There was a revolution going on. “For a while it was Camelot,” a friend said.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“the trials and tensions of the world take us back behind our ego where the Divine Self is waiting, that part I know is truth. We aren't the God of the Western world, but each of us is a piece of the Divine. Pain and loss initiate us to our oneness with each other, God, and life. Nothing can separate us from God, no matter how alone we feel.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“How do I get past that? “How did you?” the therapist asks. “You tell me.” I point to the spider plant hanging from the ceiling. “Like the baby plant on the tip of the leaves. I moved to California and grew a new one of myself. I left the other me behind. She hurt too much,” I say. “She wasn't any fun. She was dark. Unhappy. Always crying and sad. She spoiled everything for everyone. I had to leave her behind. She ruined Minnesota for me. She would have wrecked California too.” “Do you think you could come and get her now?” she asks. “Take her with you?” “Only if she'll behave and stop crying all the time.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“Stop looking for Big. The magic happens when you stay small. Ninety-five dollars bought more than the secret to grief. It paid for the secret to life. Whatever we don't have isn't the missing piece. The moments we live for their own sake turn to moments of joy. Something way more profound and lasting than happiness is peace.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“There's more. Stop working for the prize. Stop dating to get married. Stop dressing to control what people think. It's all about control. Control doesn't keep us safe, even though we think it does. People die in their houses walking down their steps. Do each thing for itself. Be there while you're doing it. Stop being someplace else. Let life be what it is.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“Don't complicate grief. It's not abnormal. There isn't a right way to grieve. Becoming aware of a feeling neutralizes that emotion. That feeling disappears and another one takes its place.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“I feel numb. Or I cry. Or I sit and stare. I listen to the same songs over and over. I can't work,” I tell the therapist. “I can't get on with my life.” What's her advice? “If you feel sad, cry. If you feel numb, feel that. Ninety-five dollars, please.” It's the best money I ever spent, but it takes time to understand.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“The more time that passes since writing Codependent No More, the more I've come to believe that grief plays a much larger part in codependency than I used to think it did. The low self-esteem, the pinched face giving off the miseries, the bitterness that comes from all that pain and guilt. The repression, depression, denial, the whirlwind of chaos we create trying to stop the losses heading our way”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“when the guru raised his cane, the woman reached up and grabbed the stick. She stopped his assault in midair. She expected to be scolded. This was her turn to be surprised. The guru smiled. “Congratulations,” he said. “You've graduated. You've learned everything you need to know. You've learned you'll never learn all there is to know and you've learned how to stop the pain.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“What do you like about yourself? What have you been complimented on (even if you didn't accept the compliment)? What do you own? What are you good at? What are your accomplishments? Put everything on this list. Make it a goal to have your list of what's left be longer than your Master List of Losses.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“Can you still see and hear? Do you have your senses of taste and smell? Can you walk? Run? Do you have a motorized chair if you're unable to walk on your own? Come on—let's get it all on the list. Ask friends or family for help making your list. What do they see you as having? What do they think you're lucky to have? What do they admire in you?”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“Go on a treasure hunt in your life. What did you get? How were your needs met? How are they being met now? What resources do you have? What are your strengths? What did your losses mean to you—what did you learn from your losses and from what you endured? How did your losses shape you? What are your talents, abilities, gifts?”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“know what we have left. This is an ongoing activity. Don't rush it. Take your time. Dedicate a notebook to writing down everything you have, everything you did get, everything you have left. No matter what your situation is—if you're in prison, in a hospital, in hospice—no matter who or where you are, you have something left and probably more than you know.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“The second thing that helped was stories—hearing honest accounts about how people felt, what they went through, and what helped them, not contrived stories saying how they thought they were supposed to feel and what they thought they should do. I promised myself then that if I ever came out the other end of this tunnel, I'd write a book about grief that I wouldn't have tossed across the room.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“I couldn't find anyone to tell me each minute, whatever I experience is a valid, beautiful moment—however tragic it is. That's what I needed to hear: Grief is a sacred time in our lives, and an important one. What”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“We can change what people see when they look at us by what we believe about ourselves.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“Radical faith is bold. It's not squeamish, fundamentalist, judgmental, or blaming. It's courageous.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

“Something way more profound and lasting than happiness is peace.”
― Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change