The Silent Marriage Quotes

“We need safety, care, deep reflection and authentic approval for the duration of our childhood. If these needs are unmet, we suffer in relationships as adults. We need lots of social connections, many of which need to be close. Some can be more superficial. We need to matter to others, be approved of and be held in high esteem by others. We need one significant, permanent and loving partner. We will have a deep craving and sense of something missing – even if we force these feelings away from our consciousness”
― Nora Femenia, The Silent Marriage: How Passive Aggression Steals Your Happiness; The Complete Guide to Passive Aggression Book 5

“For Any Husband Reading This Book: If your wife has shared with you what’s in this book, if you’ve taken our Passive Aggressive Test, or if you’ve just been doing research on your own, you may be beginning to see the truth about your own behavior. You may not want to admit that you have passive aggressive behaviors, but you can still admit that something is not right between you and your partner. No matter what, your marriage is at stake at the moment you’re reading this: a wife in pain means a marriage in pain.  If you still haven’t acted, try to think about what you are facing now. Something is wrong in your relationship: what happens if you don’t fix it? It is easy for us to think that problems go away if we let them drift under the rug, but that can’t happen if we are the ones causing a recurring, troublesome situation. What is preventing you from opening up to yourself and your wife about your situation? If you had a condition passed down to you from your parents (such as hair loss), would you have problems admitting that? We’ve been talking a lot about how passive aggression is taught to people by their parents. In terms of origin, admitting to your (learned) behavior is not so very different from admitting to hereditary hair loss. However, we understand that the hardest thing to admit to yourself is that you’ve been hurting your family. If you acted in the way you’ve always acted, it has  to be normal, right? If you didn’t mean to hurt someone, do you still have to take responsibility? Unfortunately, being an adult means that you DO. Is it painful, difficult? Yes. It’s always hard to admit that we’re doing something damaging to someone else, even unwittingly. It makes us feel less than worthy. But think: your wife hasn’t rejected you now. And she’s telling you that she’s willing to work”
― Nora Femenia, The Silent Marriage: How Passive Aggression Steals Your Happiness; The Complete Guide to Passive Aggression Book 5

“As you can see, loneliness can also come from a passive aggressive husband’s rejection by using cold shoulder. Although your husband (who acts passive aggressive because he fears rejection himself) sees it only as a rejection of your emotions, you experience it as if he is leaving you behind and punishing you. This is a game that he plays, where your loneliness is his prize - he has won by being “calm” and “restrained.” What is happening here is that the more lonely you feel (and less you understand about the game), the better; it shows he has successfully shifted away any dangerous emotional connection. ”
― Nora Femenia, The Silent Marriage: How Passive Aggression Steals Your Happiness; The Complete Guide to Passive Aggression Book 5

“His passive aggression is making our lives hell. The simple things like saying “I’ll do this,” and then actually doing it, are lost. He uses his passive aggressive communication/language as a way to make me feel demanding (when he doesn’t do things he said he would) or abusive (confronting him about how many times he’s let me down).” “He is bitter and jealous of anyone else’s achievements, and either criticizes them constantly or refuses to talk to them at all. He continually gripes about not being recognized for his hard work, when he’s not really putting in any more effort than I am. He mumbles so I can’t tell whether he’s insulting me or others, and he’s distant, even when we’re in the same room. Help me!”
― Nora Femenia, The Silent Marriage: How Passive Aggression Steals Your Happiness; The Complete Guide to Passive Aggression Book 5

“Thus, it is endlessly depressing for you to be around someone who doesn’t grow (like your husband), because it makes it harder for you to grow. It also sends the message that your husband isn’t dedicated to the relationship itself.”
― Nora Femenia, The Silent Marriage: How Passive Aggression Steals Your Happiness; The Complete Guide to Passive Aggression Book 5

“Psychologically, we die when we stop growing. Marriage, has been said before, is the last (and best) opportunity to grow up...We need constant development in our emotional, intellectual and spiritual lives in order for us to feel happy and satisfied with ourselves. Whether it is your body or your love life, you need to devote energy to improving and cultivating the things that are important to you. Otherwise, they will slide backward. In couples, this need for growth passes to the relationship itself - the connection between the two people must grow and develop in order to remain healthy. ”
― Nora Femenia, The Silent Marriage: How Passive Aggression Steals Your Happiness; The Complete Guide to Passive Aggression Book 5

“A passive aggressive person isn’t going to acknowledge these things in you, because your growth is considered a threat. Your partner will tend to say things that “take you down a notch” and keep you doubting yourself. When our “number one” person isn’t appreciating us, we feel a painful emptiness inside, even if we hear appreciative comments from others. This leads to doubt (however irrational) that if our partner doesn’t appreciate us, maybe we aren’t worth appreciating. Unaddressed, this thwarted need can lead to poisonous self-blame and low self-esteem.”
― Nora Femenia, The Silent Marriage: How Passive Aggression Steals Your Happiness; The Complete Guide to Passive Aggression Book 5

“A passive aggressive husband can drain the variety out of your life if you go along with his ploys for keeping you close and keeping you stagnant. He doesn’t want you to experience things without him because it will make you “drift,” and he doesn’t want to do them with you out of fear of getting too close. ”
― Nora Femenia, The Silent Marriage: How Passive Aggression Steals Your Happiness; The Complete Guide to Passive Aggression Book 5

“Being smacked in the face by your husband’s avoidant or anxious attachment style can thus be a huge shock. The only thing he leaves you certain of is more silence and stonewalling - and this is not a comfort to you in any way. ”
― Nora Femenia, The Silent Marriage: How Passive Aggression Steals Your Happiness; The Complete Guide to Passive Aggression Book 5

“You cannot change your husband - but you can change how you react to him, and you can modify the environment that allows him to think: “it’s okay for me to act this way.”     This book will make it clear to you why these changes need to happen before you can have a happy and fulfilling life. Yes, we said life. No matter whom you end up living with in the future, you must teach yourself to recognize when a person is trying to influence your decision making and happiness. In reading this book, you must decide for yourself whether your husband is meeting or denying your needs. You'll also have to decide whether he is going to continue on this path unchallenged. This book is not meant to be diagnostic or to merely list your husband’s “tricks”; instead, it is meant to help you see the truth about passive aggression. It is not something that can be swept under the rug - unless you want your emotions and well-being to be swept along with it.”
― Nora Femenia, The Silent Marriage: How Passive Aggression Steals Your Happiness; The Complete Guide to Passive Aggression Book 5

“Things to remember about passive aggression:   ●       Passive aggression is learned in childhood from interactions with authority figures. ●       It is a defensive behavioral style, focused on avoiding intimacy. ●       The passive aggressive man changes himself; his wife does not/cannot change him.   We know that upon reading these three things, you may begin to despair about growing old in an empty marriage. “My husband will never agree to change himself,” is probably what you’re thinking. It is painful and scary. However, the aim of this book is not to scare you away or discourage you. Right now, your job is to look at your situation realistically. What are the real consequences of staying with your husband? Perhaps the better question is, what are the real consequences of not changing the way you react to passive aggression? This book will give you an overview of the devastating consequences of letting passive aggression go unchallenged in your home. The key here is this:”
― Nora Femenia, The Silent Marriage: How Passive Aggression Steals Your Happiness; The Complete Guide to Passive Aggression Book 5