The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes Quotes

“No rest for the wicked—or for a villain hopelessly intrigued by his troublesome bride.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“In accordance with ancient tradition,” the cleric proclaimed, “if any here object to this union, speak now and be immediately executed for treason.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“Maybe she wouldn’t, if you told her the truth.” Vex eyed me. “No leveraging, no threats. Just honesty. Stop treating her like a prize and treat her like a partner.” I glared at her. “You make it sound so simple.” “It is simple,” she corrected, undaunted by my scowl. “Just not easy.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“My wife had woken up and chosen violence. And fuck me if it wasn’t the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“Call it what you like.” She gave a low chuckle. “But I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.” I let out a disbelieving snort. “Like I’m a useful tool to power his artifact?” “Like you’re a fire he can’t decide whether to extinguish or throw himself into.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“So he did what weak men always do when faced with something stronger than themselves. He tried to break it.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“Consider it a promotion, then. From victim to wife.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“He’s learning. Slower than a concussed tortoise, but learning nonetheless.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“Arabella had chosen me.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“With a flick of his wrist, four more constructs rattled to life. My blood felt like ice water. “Kazimir⁠—” “Fight,” he said simply, and backed away. I gritted my teeth. “I really hate you right now.” “That’s fine,” he replied, crossing his arms. “Hate me, but stay alive.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“this how you pictured me?” I rasped, rocking my hips in a slow grind that made us both gasp. “I pictured you in every way imaginable,” he finally managed, “but what I want is you. Any way I can have you.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“She’d yet to realize I didn’t care for anyone else’s standards. I was the standard.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“I’ve been adapting my entire life. But adapt doesn’t mean surrender, Blackrose. You should learn the difference.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“You’re a magical artifact, not a second-rate jester.” “One adapts to one’s master,”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“I stalked across the war room’s wreckage and stopped in front of the ornate mirror. “Explain yourself,” I growled, slamming my palm on the carved frame. Blue runes flared beneath my fingers, and the surface of the glass rippled as though it were a pool of water. “My lord is displeased,” the mirror observed in a voice as flat as stale liquor. “How may this humble repository assist?” “The Heirloom failed to activate.” I gritted my teeth and felt a fresh wave of heat ripple up my spine. “I need to know why.” “Have you tried asking it nicely?”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“Feel free to join me whenever you’re ready. I promise I only bite by request.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“Before I could follow through on the threat, shadows curled around my wrist. The dagger slipped from my grasp. Kazimir shoved upward, reversing our positions so quickly my head spun. He settled between my thighs, his body pressing into mine. My breath caught, and I hated the little surge of heat that flickered all the way to my cheeks. “Now,” he said casually, “you’ve attempted to murder me, and I’ve attempted polite conversation. But make no mistake—I will have a bride, and that bride will be you.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“She gave me a sidelong look. “And who’s managing you?” “You’ve been doing a fine job,” I said truthfully. “My ego has never been so bruised and inflated at the same time.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“If I was going to be a villain, I might as well commit to the role.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“I growled. “Lightning bridge in five minutes. Wear something that says touch her and die screaming.” “Black and silver, then.” She left with the book clutched to her chest.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“You’re not as immune as you pretend,” I added softly. “I’m not immune to you, either. The difference is: I’m not running from it.” Her voice shook. “I don’t run.” “No?” I arched an eyebrow. “How would you define that abrupt exit you attempted just now?” “Strategic retreat,” she said stiffly.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“Not yet.” I closed my fist, dissolving the orb. “Lesson one: respect what you summon. Dark magic always wants more than you mean to give.” Rather the same as her, I thought privately.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“ignored the jab and moved around the table to Arabella’s side. “Are you certain?” I asked quietly. “Dark magic exacts a price.” “So does ignorance,” she replied, her voice equally low. “I’m ready to learn.” The raw potential radiating from her promised to become either the final piece of my power… or my undoing. I smiled. “This might be my favorite day.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“Just don’t give up on him too quickly,” Vex said, pushing away from the wall. “He’s learning. Slower than a concussed tortoise, but learning nonetheless.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“Her eyes lit up like it was her birthday. “Are you... ticklish?” “Absolutely not,” I said with all the dignity I could muster. “The Dark Lord is not ticklish. That would be ridiculous.” A wicked grin spread across her face. “The Dark Lord is a liar.” Her fingers darted toward my ribs again, and I caught her wrist. “This is treason,” I warned, but she was already attacking with her other hand,”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“My mother had carved runes into my bones to make me strong—sadistic, yes, but she’d shaped me into something unstoppable.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“GOLF WITH THE EYEBALLS OF YOUR ENEMIES (BONDING THROUGH SADISM)”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“I curled my fingers lightly around his forearm for just a moment. “She’s the most incredible present I’ve ever received,” I said. “Truly.” He dipped his gaze, then gave a playful grin. “All right, don’t get sappy. We villains prefer ominous declarations and chaos.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“He shifted his weight. “It’s only natural you have an impressive mount. Part of the villainess starter kit, if you will.” “Is that covered in your personal handbook?” I teased. “A whole chapter,” he deadpanned.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes

“We’d moved past the aphrodisiac incident a few days ago, though she’d made it absolutely clear I was not forgiven. Arabella had cornered me at breakfast the next morning to deliver a comprehensive dissertation on trust and respect, during which I’d maintained my most remorseful expression while secretly admiring her command of creative insults.”
― Tiffany Hunt, The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating - and Other War Crimes