Real Vampires Don't Sparkle Quotes

“Quin's smile was open and innocent and as fake as the tits on a stripper.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“Insanity is for everyone, Sunshine. All the world's peoples may enjoy its glorious bounty.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“Matheus felt like a nice Jewish boy trying to explain that his new girlfriend with the shaved head and the swastika tattooed across her stomach had a really sweet personality, you know, deep down.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“...Most attackers aren't going to be dissuaded by a witty remark."

"That's profiling," said Mattheus. "Maybe they're Oscar Wilde fans."

"He did have great clothes."

"Proving that stereotypes can span centuries.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“Quin stalked beside him, his anger a physical presence between them. Matheus named it Bob, and addressed imaginary questions to it to distract himself.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“Matheus looked down at his feet and sighed. “I lost my shoes.” “Tragedy affects us all, Sunshine,” Quin said.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“laughed. “You need to learn how to fight.” “I know how to fight.” “Physically fight. Most attackers aren’t going to be dissuaded by a witty remark.” “That’s profiling,” said Matheus. “Maybe they’re Oscar Wilde fans.” “He did have great clothes.” “Proving that stereotypes can span centuries.” “I like to do my part,” said Quin.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“Matheus pondered which deity he'd annoyed in a previous life. Maybe if he figured out which sacrifices he'd skipped, he could make amends. Did they sell goats at the farmer's market? Matheus wrinkled his nose. He didn't want to leave the city, not to mention the issue of travelling with a goat. People frowned on sticking farm animals in the trunk. What if he got a rack of lamp and chanted over that? Sheep were kind of like goats.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“Matheus thought he ranked fairly high on the scowling index, but looking at Zeb made him realize how much more he had to learn. Whole volumes of misanthropy were written into the eyebrows alone.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“He [Quin] folded his arms over his chest, giving Bianca what Matheus had privately categorized as "Scary Look Number Seven." Scary Looks One through Six consisted of Quin's everyday expressions. Studied had shown Scary Look Number Eight to cause cancer in white mice. Matheus hadn't yet seen Scary Look Number Nine, but he looked forward to his future bout of schizophrenia.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“Quin took on the air of someone who has just realized it's time for the yearly visit to the spinster great-aunt in a desperate attempt to woo her inheritance away from her thirty-eight cats.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“okay. You’re not that much below average.” “I’m not below average at all! I’m above average! Way, way above average!” Quin shrugged. “Maybe you’re a grower, not a shower,” he said. “I’m going to throttle you,” said Matheus.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“Quin stopped halfway across the room, his head cocked to the side. He stared at Mattheus like an explorer who couldn't figure out if he'd discovered a fascinating new subculture or a bunch of locals playing What Can We Get the Foreigner (sic) Eat?”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“Somehow, Matheus expected the night he died to be fraught with weather straight out of the Old Testament: thunderstorms and hurricane winds and floods with arks.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“Matheus ignored her, turning away from the commercial area toward the block housing. “Cocksucker!” she yelled after him. “Syphilitic trollop!” Matheus shouted back. The whore scratched her head. “What?”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“Latin’s a dead language, anyway,” he said. “Bite your tongue.” Quin sounded like a shocked grandmother. “That’s English you’re speaking,” Matheus said. “The language that sidles up to other languages in dark alleys, mugs them, then rifles through their pockets for spare vocabulary. It’s the bitch-whore of languages and it owns the world. Suck on that, Rome boy.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“made a face at her. “I’m not gay,” he said. “You of all people should know that.” “You were fifteen. It didn’t matter if I was male, female, or a parking meter.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“English you’re speaking,” Matheus said. “The language that sidles up to other languages in dark alleys, mugs them, then rifles through their pockets for spare vocabulary. It’s the bitch-whore of languages and it owns the world. Suck on that, Rome boy.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“some advice? Don’t flirt when you’re covered in shit.” Matheus peeked around the door, checking if Emphysema Man had stepped out for another fix.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“Matheus thought he spotted a wild thee, probably stalking one of the many thou‘s.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“You’re so articulate. You must get all the pretty boys.” Quin gave Matheus a dark look.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“all right,” said Bianca. “But, one hears things, you know. Mum says―wait, you might fancy blokes? Drugged up for two days and I miss all the juicy bits. Did the Quin introduce you to the joys of the love that dare not speak its name?”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“subscribed to the theory that life consisted of a long string of miseries, tolerated only because the alternative was worse.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

“He hung a patient expression on his face, the kind usually seen on people who talked about releasing your anger and surrounding yourself with good feelings while writing off anyone who disagreed with them as unenlightened.”
― Amy Fecteau, Real Vampires Don't Sparkle