Reparenting the Inner Child Quotes

“When our feelings were routinely dismissed or ridiculed, we started to feel shame about having those feelings at all. We didn’t need anyone to criticize us anymore—simply feeling certain emotions, like anger, fear, desire, or even joy, could make us feel wrong inside. When shame sets in, even our most human needs—for closeness, comfort, connection—begin to feel unsafe.”
― Nicole LePera, Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them

“You may not recall overt shaming, but you remember being overlooked. A parent who couldn’t meet your emotional needs might not have meant harm, but their absence still impacted you. You learned that having needs was risky or that expressing yourself could lead to discomfort or silence. As an adult, you may feel guilty or ashamed for wanting basic things like rest, food, comfort, or moments of joy. This habit of pushing down your needs can even shape the way you see and talk to yourself.”
― Nicole LePera, Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them

“This happens when a caregiver, because of their own past hurt, reacts to us in ways that pass their shame on to us, like criticizing, ignoring, or over-controlling. This can make us start to believe the same negative things about ourselves that they believe about themselves. This kind of shame twists how we see ourselves and results in unhealthy patterns like perfectionism, people-pleasing, hiding our emotions, or punishing ourselves.”
― Nicole LePera, Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them

“If you were frequently compared to others—“Why can’t you be more like your sister?”—and your excitement was dismissed or your achievements were minimized, you may have internalized the belief that you’re never quite enough. Over time, this can lead to a pattern of downplaying your successes, hesitating to celebrate yourself, and constantly striving for external validation just to feel worthy.”
― Nicole LePera, Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them

“Your brain does not react to the world. Using past experience, your brain predicts and constructs your experience of the world. It combines sensory input with memories and beliefs to create emotions.”
― Nicole LePera, Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them

“We remain overly responsible for the emotions of others, still operating from the belief that we are the cause of disruption and must be the ones to make it right.”
― Nicole LePera, Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them

“Culture shapes our experience of safety. It tells us what emotions are acceptable, how we should express ourselves, and what belonging looks like. This becomes even more complex for those raised between cultures, where the rules for safety and connection may conflict.”
― Nicole LePera, Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them

“Safety is not the absence of threat. It is the presence of connection.”
― Nicole LePera, Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them

“we also continually absorb information that we don’t and even can’t consciously remember, like what was said to or about us, if and how we were soothed when upset, and whether we were given the opportunity to express ourselves. By the time we’re adults, we have synthesized all of this information—what we consciously learned and the deeper messages that were imprinted on our unconscious—to make sense of the world that surrounds us and to discern how we fit in it.”
― Nicole LePera, Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them

“During our childhoods, we construct an emotional home base—the automatic coping strategies and reactive behaviors that help us get through life’s challenges. This way of being—shaped or conditioned by experience—often follows us into adulthood.”
― Nicole LePera, Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them

“Over time, I learned to stick with the things I was good at, equating worth with performance rather than presence—a pattern that persisted into adulthood.”
― Nicole LePera, Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them

“Over time”
― Nicole LePera, Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them

“when you revisit old wounds in the safety of new relationships”
― Nicole LePera, Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them

“Close with Connection. Thank your younger self for showing up. With each slow”
― Dr. Nicole LePera, Reparenting the Inner Child: The New Science of Our Oldest Wounds and How to Heal Them