The Shame of Death, Grief, and Trauma Quotes

“Those who sat at the bench did not intentionally bang the gavel. My accusers wounded me unknowingly. What they had in common were remarks, gestures, or responses that in some way confirmed my fear—or knowledge—that there was little room in the world for [...]. At the same time, these same individuals also exhibited sadness, kindness, and support.

The confusing display of fidelity on the one hand and abandonment on the other caught me off-balance more than once. But the betrayal was not personal. These individuals took refuge in social convention. They blindly condoned what was universally permissible [...] and distanced themselves from what was not [...]. They were acting as social drones. If I didn’t want their sting, it was easy to see which choice I should make.

Shelley Costa, in The Shame of Death, Grief and Trauma (Jeffrey Kauffman, Ed.)”
― Jeffrey Kauffman, The Shame of Death, Grief, and Trauma

“As is posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) subsequent to the trauma that often initiates chronic sorrow, somatic disturbance is also at the core of shame. Shame evokes some of the same physical manifestations, such as freezing, numbing, feeling one’s very life is threatened, hypervigilance, and the flight-or-fight stress response. There is a cogent argument that shame goes deeper than guilt. Moreover, there is risk that it may permeate and dominate self-image and personality.

Susan Roos, in The Shame of Death, Grief and Trauma (Jeffrey Kauffman, Ed.)”
― Jeffrey Kauffman, The Shame of Death, Grief, and Trauma

“Frederick Turner (1991) has stated: “Shame, fundamentally, does not come from a lack of ability to have, or possess; it comes from the consciousness of a lack of ability to give.”

Susan Roos, in The Shame of Death, Grief and Trauma (Jeffrey Kauffman, Ed.)”
― Jeffrey Kauffman, The Shame of Death, Grief, and Trauma