Nobody Nowhere Quotes

“It was as though I had even to trick my own mind by chattering in such a casual and blase manner; any other way stopped at the point of motivation. It was as though I were emotionally constipated and the words could not otherwise escape my lips. If it were not for the methods I had devised, my words, like my screams and so many of my sobs, would have remained silent.
People would push me to get to the point. When what I had to say was negative, this was quite simple. Opinions that had nothing to do with my own identity or needs rolled off my tongue like wisecracks from a stand-up comedian.

....Hiding behind the characters of Carol and Willie, I could say what I thought, but the problem was that I could not say what I felt. One solution was to become cold and clinical about topics I might feel something about. Everyone does this to an extent, in order to cover up what they feel, but I had actually to convince myself about things; it made me a shell of a person.”
― Donna Williams, Nobody Nowhere: The Extraordinary Autobiography of an Autistic Girl

“He sat on the couch, talking to the charming and captivating character who sat there masquerading as his sister. I had switched to "automatic pilot," and watched myself from outside my own body as I responded openly and effortlessly to the brother I had never had any desire to get to know.
It seemed to him that he had found a friend who was almost made to order. Fortunately, his sister had changed. This girl had no longing look for understanding, and spoke casually and amusingly without any of the distrust or cautiousness he had known in his sister. He liked her, and decided to come around more often.
It was as though I had been watching a play, although I was simultaneously in the audience and on the stage. But as my older brother continued to visit, Carol began to falter, finding it increasingly difficult to communicate. Donna had reverted to "talking in poetry" evasively.”
― Donna Williams, Nobody Nowhere: The Extraordinary Autobiography of an Autistic Girl

“It was as though I had even to trick my own mind by chattering in such a casual and blase manner; any other way stopped at the point of motivation. It was as though I were emotionally constipated and the words could not otherwise escape my lips. If it were not for the methods I had devised, my words, like my screams and so many of my sobs, would have remained silent.
People would push me to get to the point. When what I had to say was negative, this was quite simple. Opinions that had nothing to do with my own identity or needs rolled off my tongue like wisecracks from a stand-up comedian.

....Hiding behind the characters of Carol and Willie, I could say what I thought, but the problem was that I could not say what I felt. One solution was to become cold and clinical about topics I might feel something about. Everyone does this to an extent, in order to cover up what they feel, but I had actually to convince myself about things; it made me a shell of a person. These were the same tactics l employed when l found it necessary to create Carol in order to communicate all those years ago. Deep down, Donna never learned to communicate. Anything that l felt in the present still had either to be denied or expressed in a form of conversation others called waffling, chattering, babbling, or "wonking." l called it "talking in poetry.”
― Donna Williams, Nobody Nowhere: The Extraordinary Autobiography of an Autistic Girl

“It was as though I had even to trick my own mind by chattering in such a casual and blase manner; any other way stopped at the point of motivation. It was as though I were emotionally constipated and the words could not otherwise escape my lips. If it were not for the methods I had devised, my words, like my screams and so many of my sobs, would have remained silent.
People would push me to get to the point. When what I had to say was negative, this was quite simple. Opinions that had nothing to do with my own identity or needs rolled off my tongue like wisecracks from a stand-up comedian.
....Hiding behind the characters of Carol and Willie, I could say what I thought, but the problem was that I could not say what I felt. One solution was to become cold and clinical
about topics I might feel something about. Everyone does this to an extent, in order to cover up what they feel, but I had actually to convince myself about things; it made me a
shell of a person.”
― Donna Williams, Nobody Nowhere: The Extraordinary Autobiography of an Autistic Girl

“Around this time, I was again tested for partial deafness, for although I could speak I often didn't use language in the same way as others and often got no meaning out of what
was said to me. Although words are symbols, it would be misleading to say that I did not understand symbols. I had a whole system of relating that I considered "my language." It was other people who did not understand the symbolism I used, and there was no way I could or was going to tell them what I meant. I developed a language of my own. Everything I did, from holding two fingers together to scrunching up my toes, had a meaning, usually to do with reassuring myself that I was in control and no one could reach me, wherever the hell I was. Sometimes it had to do with telling people how I felt, but it was so subtle it was often unnoticed or simply taken to be some new quirk that "mad Donna" had thought up.”
― Donna Williams, Nobody Nowhere: The Extraordinary Autobiography of an Autistic Girl

“Around this time, I was again tested for partial deafness, for although I could speak I often didn't use language in the same way as others and often got no meaning out of what
was said to me. Although words are symbols, it would be
misleading to say that I did not understand symbols. I had a whole system of relating that I considered "my language." It was other people who did not understand the symbolism I used, and there was no way I could or was going to tell them what I meant. I developed a language of my own. Everything I did, from holding two fingers together to scrunching up my toes, had a meaning, usually to do with reassuring myself that I was in control and no one could reach me, wherever the hell I was. Sometimes it had to do with telling people how I felt, but it was so subtle it was often unnoticed or simply taken to be some new quirk that "mad Donna" had thought up.”
― Donna Williams, Nobody Nowhere: The Extraordinary Autobiography of an Autistic Girl

“Around this time, I was again tested for partial deafness, for although I could speak I often didn't use language in the same way as others and often got no meaning out of what
was said to me. Although words are symbols, it would be
misleading to say that I did not understand symbols. I had a whole system of relating that I considered "my language." It was other people who did not understand the symbolism I used, and there was no way I could or was going to tell them what I meant. I developed a language of my own.
Everything I did, from holding two fingers together to scrunching up my toes, had a meaning, usually to do with reassuring myself that I was in control and no one could reach me, wherever the hell I was. Sometimes it had to do with telling people how I felt, but it was so subtle it was often unnoticed or simply taken to be some new quirk that "mad Donna" had thought up.”
― Donna Williams, Nobody Nowhere: The Extraordinary Autobiography of an Autistic Girl