A Parade of Horribles Quotes

“These corporate suits learned what a thousand organizations and governments throughout history already knew. If you go to war against drugs, drugs will always win. Drugs will win because what you’re really doing is going to war against the biological imperative all living creatures have to find comfort and happiness. And if you’re unwilling or unable to first provide that, artificial alternatives, no matter how destructive, will always prevail.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“Biscuits, Mordecai! I need to make biscuits!”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“We sluggalos have a code. That code is ‘unity, support, family, and kneecapping bitches.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“Hazards: Well, we have the hail and the gatekeeper monster, whatever that might be. But I’d suggest that our biggest hazard is the fact that this bucket has to be driven by a fucking cat this time.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“if we worry about things we can’t control, we start to ruin the things we can control.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“Elle: Donut, I love you, but have you ever considered not saying everything that comes to you the moment it pops into your head? Donut: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“That’s the problem with hitting the elites financially. Every time you hurt one, all it does is make another richer. That won’t stop until the baskets overflow with their godsdamned heads.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“My goodness,” Donut said, looking the grim reaper character up and down. “This is quite unsettling. It’s like what would happen if Orren ever discovered Depeche Mode.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“Carl: Plan C. Gotta go with plan C. Donut, be ready. Elle: Of course. The psycho plan. Got it. Donut: IT’S CALLED PLAN CARL. Florin: We really need to start making plan C the primary plan.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“Maybe we will die today. But if we do, then we will die together, and that's more than most people get. There's no such thing as a sad ending if it's by the side of the people who make you happy.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“Don’t let Mongo puke on the dashboard!” I yelled. Mongo puked on the dashboard.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“Gargle my unicorn balls, you translucent bitch!”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“Reward: Fuck off.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“She was a level 69 Swiftie, which, much to Donut’s dismay, was a dexterity-based knife wielder.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“People keep saying that they don’t trust how you might react if something happens to me, but they never ask how I might react if something were to happen to you. I don’t want to find out. Not today, not ever. I love you, too.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“Samantha neck-cootered the goblin drill onto the floor in front of the kid.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“Louis: I think it was his left one! Donut: WELL, NOW IT’S HIS ONLY ONE.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“I don’t even know what the hell this is. This bitch is coloring outside the lines.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“You keep trying to divide us. Don't you realize what you created? We have been tempered in the fires of Hell, and we are now passed the point of being broken. Your downfall has already been written in the stars. You may hurt us. You may kill us all, but it's not going to matter. Don't you realize? Don't. You. Realize?”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“Donut: A DACHSHUND! CARL GOT TURNED INTO A DACHSHUND! THIS IS A NIGHTMARE! “Carl”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“This is a ginger. They hide amongst regular humans. They’re the result of alien interference in the development of your human world”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“Sometimes we don’t need to know someone’s full life story to understand them.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“It's okay to forgive yourself. Sometimes there are no good choices, and we just do what we have to.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“But you know what I’m also finding? Deliberate actions, times when you’ve finally had enough, when you say I am going to make a change—that’s when your possibilities really open up. It’s an important lesson.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“but now I am up here and I can see it all, I am so scared of what I might lose.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“I grunted with amusement. “Eat the rich,” I said. Rend looked at me, tongue lolling out. “Yum,” he said.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“There’s no such as a sad ending if it’s by the side of the people who make you happy”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“don’t think I’ve ever met an orange cat who shouldn’t be on some sort of registry.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“That’s tea-bagging,” Louis finally said. “Ohhhhhh,” Samantha said. “In the Nothing, we called that flap-jacking.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles

“Carl,” Prepotente said, stopping me. He wiped his eyes again. “Yeah?” “You can call me Pony if you like.”
― Matt Dinniman, A Parade of Horribles