Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar Quotes

“Some have argued that because the universe is like a clock, there must be a Clockmaker. As the eighteenth-century British empiricist David Hume pointed out, this is a slippery argument, because there is nothing that is really perfectly analogous to the universe as a whole, unless it's another universe, so we shouldn't try to pass off anything that is just a part of this universe. Why a clock anyhow? Hume asks. Why not say the universe is analogous to a kangaroo? After all, both are organically interconnected systems. But the kangaroo analogy would lead to a very different conclusion about the origin of the universe: namely, that it was born of another universe after that universe had sex with a third universe. ”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“Sorting out what's good and bad is the province of ethics. It is also what keeps priests, pundits, and parents busy. Unfortunately, what keeps children and philosophers busy is asking the priests, pundits and parents, "Why?”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“It’s a bit embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason.”
― Daniel Klein, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar...: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“Moses trudges down from Mt. Sinai, tablets in hand, and
announces to the assembled multitudes: “I’ve got good news and
I’ve got bad news. The good news is I got Him down to ten. The
bad news is ‘adultery’ is still in.”
― Daniel Klein, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar...: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“The optimist says, "The glass is half full."
The pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
The rationalist says, "This glass is twice as big as it needs to be."

That makes it clear as glass.”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“A man stumbles into a deep well and plummets a hundred feet before grasping a spindly root, stopping his fall. His grip grows weaker and weaker, and in his desperation he cries out, “Is there anybody up there?” He looks up, and all he can see is a circle of sky. Suddenly, the clouds part and a beam of bright light shines down on him. A deep voice thunders, "I, the Lord, am here. Let go of the root, and I will save you.” The man thinks for a moment and then yells, "Is there anybody else up there?”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . .: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“So how do we know anything at all, if in fact we do know anything at all?”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . .: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“A seeker has heard that the wisest guru in all of India lives atop India’s highest mountain. So the seeker treks over hill and Delhi until he reaches the fabled mountain. It’s incredibly steep, and more than once he slips and falls. By the time he reaches the top, he is full of cuts and bruises, but there is the guru, sitting cross-legged in front of his cave. "O, wise guru,” the seeker says, “I have come to you to ask what the secret of life is.” “Ah, yes, the secret of life,” the guru says. “The secret of life is a teacup.” “A teacup? I came all the way up here to find the meaning of life, and you tell me it’s a teacup!” The guru shrugs. “So maybe it isn’t a teacup.”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . .: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“Aristotle drew a distinction between essential and accidental properties. The way he put it is that essential properties are those without which a thing wouldn’t be what it is, and accidental properties are those that determine how a thing is, but not what it is. For example, Aristotle thought that rationality was essential to being a human being and, since Socrates was a human being, Socrates’s rationality was essential to his being Socrates. Without the property of rationality, Socrates simply wouldn’t be Socrates. He wouldn’t even be a human being, so how could he be Socrates? On the other hand, Aristotle thought that Socrates’s property of being snub-nosed was merely accidental; snub-nosed was part of how Socrates was, but it wasn’t essential to what or who he was. To put it another way, take away Socrates’s rationality, and he’s no longer Socrates, but give him plastic surgery, and he’s Socrates with a nose job.”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“The optimist says, "The glass is half full.” The pessimist says, “The glass is half empty.” The rationalist says, “This glass is twice as big as it needs to be.” That makes it clear as glass.”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . .: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“In the seventeenth century, René Descartes opted for reason over a divine source of knowledge. This came to be known as putting Descartes before the source.”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar...: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“A man wrote a letter to the IRS saying, "I have been unable to sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I have understated my taxable income and have enclosed a check for $150. If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest.”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . .: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“The optimist says, "The glass is half full.” The pessimist says, “The glass is half empty.” The rationalist says, “This glass is twice as big as it needs to be.”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . .: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“Social and political philosophy examines issues of justice in
society. Why do we need governments? How should goods be
distributed? How can we establish a fair social system? These
questions used to be settled by the stronger guy hitting the
weaker guy over the head with a bone, but after centuries of
social and political philosophy, society has come to see that
missiles are much more effective.”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar...: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“An Irishman walks into a Dublin bar, orders three pints of Guinness, and drinks them down, taking a sip from one, then a sip from the next, until they’re gone. He then orders three more. The bartender says, “You know, they’d be less likely to go flat if you bought them one at a time.” The man says, “Yeah, I know, but I have two brothers, one in the States, one in Australia. When we all went our separate ways, we promised each other that we’d all drink this way in memory of the days when we drank together. Each of these is for one of my brothers and the third is for me.” The bartender is touched, and says, “What a great custom!” The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always orders the same way. One day he comes in and orders two pints. The other regulars notice, and a silence falls over the bar. When he comes to the bar for his second round, the bartender says, “Please accept my condolences, pal.” The Irishman says, “Oh, no, everyone’s fine. I just joined the Mormon Church, and I had to quit drinking.”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“Alvin is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above that says, “Alvin, sell your business!” He ignores it. The voice goes on for days saying, “Alvin, sell your business for three million dollars!” After weeks of this, he relents and sells his store. The voice says, “Alvin, go to Las Vegas!” Alvin asks why. “Alvin, just take the three million dollars and go to Las Vegas.”Alvin obeys, goes to Las Vegas, and visits a casino. The voice says, “Alvin, go to the blackjack table and put it all down on one hand!” Alvin hesitates but gives in. He’s dealt an eighteen. The dealer has a six showing. “Alvin, take a card!” “What? The dealer has …” “Take a card!” Alvin tells the dealer to hit him, and gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. “Alvin, take another card.” “What?” “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!” Alvin asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. “Alvin, take another card!” the voice commands. “I have twenty!” Alvin shouts. “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!” booms the voice. “Hit me!” Alvin says. He gets another ace. Twenty-one! And the booming voice says, “Un-fucking-believable!” Hey,”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“A woman is told by her doctor that she has six months to live. “Is there anything I can do?” she asks. “Yes, there is,” the doctor replies. “You could marry a tax accountant.” “How will that help my illness?” the woman asks. “Oh, it won’t help your illness,” says the doctor, “but it will make that six months seem like an eternity!”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“When Thompson hit seventy, he decided to change his lifestyle completely so that he could live longer. He went on a strict diet, he jogged, he swam, and he took sunbaths. In just three months’ time, Thompson lost thirty pounds, reduced his waist by six inches, and expanded his chest by five inches. Svelte and tan, he decided to top it all off with a sporty new haircut. Afterward, while stepping out of the barbershop, he was hit by a bus. As he lay dying, he cried out, “God, how could you do this to me?” And a voice from the heavens responded, “To tell you the truth, Thompson, I didn’t recognize you.”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“An old cowboy goes into a bar and orders a drink. As he sits there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sits down next to him. She turns to the cowboy and asks him, “Are you a real cowboy?” He replies, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am.” She says, “I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower or watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.” A little while later, a couple sits down next to the old cowboy and asks him, “Are you a real cowboy?” He replies, “I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar...: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“is”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar...: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“Oxford philosopher John Austin pointed out that saying, “I promise,” is a whole different linguistic deal”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar...: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“his bed was written by an invisible deity”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . .: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“1754: Immanuel Kant hat eine Begegnung mit dem Ding an sich und sagt, er könne nicht darüber sprechen.”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“One use of the argument from analogy is found in
response to the question of what or who created the universe.
Some have argued that because the universe is like
a clock, there must be a Clockmaker. As the eighteenthcentury
British empiricist David Hume pointed out, this is
a slippery argument, because there is nothing that is really
perfectly analogous to the universe as a whole, unless it’s another
universe, so we shouldn’t try to pass off anything that
is just a part of this universe. Why a clock anyhow? Hume
asks. Why not say the universe is analogous to a kangaroo?
After all, both are organically interconnected systems. But
the kangaroo analogy would lead to a very different conclusion
about the origin of the universe: namely, that it was
born of another universe after that universe had sex with a
third universe.”
― Daniel Klein, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar...: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“Đối với cả Arthur Schopenhauer và Đức Phật, cuộc sống là một vòng quay bất tận của thất vọng và buồn chán. Khi ta không có thứ ta muốn, ta thất vọng. Khi có thứ ta muốn rồi, ta buồn chán. Và đối với cả Arthur lẫn Thích Ca, thất vọng tồi tệ nhất chính là khi chỉ thiếu một bước nữa là đến được sự giải thoát.”
― Thomas Cathcart, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . .: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes