The President of Vice Quotes

“And then in this huge, booming voice, God warned me that I should never fucking change. Ever.”
― The Onion, The President of Vice: The Autobiography of Joe Biden

“I’ve always said that toking up expands your mind and gets the creative juices flowing and Barack proved me right. After a few hours of simmering in our fumes and cracking up at a VHS of Barbarella, he turns to me and says, “What if we just fucking sent in some helicopters into Pakistan?” I said, “Without permission? That’s either the craziest thing I ever heard or the most genius.” Barack starts laughing and says “Crazy like a fox!” and orders the choppers in. And that’s how we killed bin Laden. Later that night we ordered a Pad Thai Pizza from this place called Big Billy’s, and that was just as awesome as it sounds. Yeah, Barack’s a pretty good guy.”
― The Onion, The President of Vice: The Autobiography of Joe Biden

“Oh by the way, that reminds me that I promised Jill that I’d mention our wedding in the book. We got married at some point. Cool, I can check that one off the list.”
― The Onion, The President of Vice: The Autobiography of Joe Biden

“I didn’t want to be known as Joey Scranton the fuck up, using his White Tower gas money to scoot around town on a 100cc motorbike. I wanted a good job, like managing an A&W or being U.S. Secretary of State.”
― The Onion, The President of Vice: The Autobiography of Joe Biden