You Called 9-1-1 For What? Quotes

“Operator: Clark County Nine One One. Caller: Somebody’s really drunk driving down Granton Road. Operator: Okay where on Graton Road? Caller: Uh, there’s only like six miles through Granton and Hillsville. Operator: Which way are they going? Caller: They are going uhm… Operator: Towards Granton or towards Hillsville? Caller: Towards Granton. Operator: Okay are you behind them or…? Caller: No, I am them. Operator: You am them? Caller: Yes, I am them. Operator: Okay, so you want to call and report that you’re driving drunk? Caller: Yes. Operator: Okay, what’s your name? Caller: Mary. Operator: Are you still driving right now? Caller: Yes. Operator: Do you wanna stop driving before you get into an accident? Caller: Yes, I will stop. Operator: Okay, you’re going to stop right now? Caller: Yep, I will stop right now. Okay, I’m stopping.”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For What?

“Operator: Ma’am, we’re not going to go down there and enforce your Western Bacon Cheeseburger.”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For What?

“Clark County Nine One One. Caller: Somebody’s really drunk driving down Granton Road. Operator: Okay where on Graton Road? Caller: Uh, there’s only like six miles through Granton and Hillsville. Operator: Which way are they going? Caller: They are going uhm… Operator: Towards Granton or towards Hillsville? Caller: Towards Granton.”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For What?

“Ma’am, we’re not going to go down there and enforce your Western Bacon Cheeseburger.”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For What?

“Caller: Uhm, I tried to call my dad, my dog was mating with another dog and uh, his dick is stuck in her.”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For What?

“Calls”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For What?

“Or, in this case, the Wiener and the Bun… Operator: 9-1-1 what is your emergency? Caller: Uhm, I have a question. Operator: Okay? Caller: Uhm, I tried to call my dad, my dog was mating with another dog and uh, his dick is stuck in her. Operator: Yes? Caller: Uhm, I don’t know what to do. Operator: Your dog? Caller: Yeah, he was mating with another dog. Operator: Well, that’s how it works. Caller: I know, but his dick is stuck in her and he’s trying to get it out! Operator: Well they, they, they lie like that for about 45 minutes after it happens. Caller: So, it stays like that? Operator: Yeah, the dogs stay like that for about 45 minutes after they mate. Caller: Oh, so his thing still needs to be attached in her? Operator: Yeah, that’s how it works.”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For What?

“Caller: Honey, I’m just going to be honest with you, okay? I just thought he was cute, I’m 45 years old and I’d like to meet him again, but I don’t know how to go about doing that without calling 9-1-1. I know this is not absolutely in any way, shape, or form an emergency. But if you would give the officers my phone number and ask them to come back, other than I know they have terrible lots of things to do in Aloha. Uhm, would you mind? Operator: I’ll give them the message to call you. Caller: Thank you very much, bye bye. Operator: Bye bye. The 9-1-1 operator did indeed give the officers the message. They returned to place the caller under arrest for misusing the 9-1-1 system. She received two years probation, 100 hours community service, and paid over $500 in fines for her attempt at using 9-1-1 to arrange a date night.”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For What?

“It just so happens that 9-1-1 is not one of those types of services… Operator: 9-1-1 do you need fire, medical, or police? Caller: No, ma’am I don’t. I don’t have an emergency, two police officers were at my house just now, can I get their names please? Operator: What was it? Caller: To get the music turned down… he’s the cutest cop I’ve seen in God knows how long. I just wanna know his name. Doesn’t come very often a good looking man comes at your doorstep. Could you send him back my way? Operator: You need us to come back there? Caller: Oh! I’d like that, yeah! Operator: Why do you need us to come back there? Caller: Uhm, because I have an emergency. I’ll, I’ll think of something. He’s cute. Would you send them back, I think they are partners, send them back my way, would you?”
― Dave Konig, You Called 9-1-1 For What?