Ruin My Life Quotes

“He’s a watercolor painting; smeared ink blending into a beautiful mess. A masterpiece of misery. An illustration of flawless impurities. His words are calligraphy written in blood, exposing thoughts I’ve heard in my own head. ”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“We’re magnets, drawing each other in, flipping and repelling, then slamming back together again.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“In return, I’m gifted insomnia, brain fog, dry mouth, shakes and loss of appetite. Not calming your racing thoughts? Fine, we can switch to a different brand. You’re sluggish now? Too bad because if you drink coffee you’ll puke. Oh, no, the generic isn’t any good. You need a refill? Sorry, the pharmacy won’t be restocking that one, but we can get you something similar. If it’s not enough, up the dose until you’re shivering on the floor, black spots dancing in your vision while you try to figure out where the fuck you are. You’ll feel better soon. We just have to find the right one for you. ”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“Muted and misunderstood. Until I saw you again…” He shakes his head. “It’s like you turned the volume back on. After so long locked away, you set it free. At first, it was so loud and overpowering that it hurt. But as my ears adjusted, I allowed that secret language to pour out of me until the harsh notes of pain became harmonies. The more I immersed myself in it, the braver I got. So even though I’m struggling to open up about… everything, I thought I’d try speaking to you this way.” ”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“Even in a room of strangers yelling over each other and the screech of house music, the only voices I hear are inside my head. Haunted fragments of real monsters meld with the sadistic sneers of my inner demons until I can’t distinguish between memories and fabrications. ”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“He pinches my chin. “Look at me.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “It hurts to.” “Please,” he begs, “I need you to see the truth.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“But that doesn’t feel like logic. It feels like fear.  And I’m getting sick of fear dictating us. ”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“You just HAVE to smell like winter mornings on the beach and taste like sweet sunshine, don’t you? My god, don’t even get me started on your body. The way you feel beneath me just HAS to light me up like a fucking forest fire, doesn’t it?”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“How dare you breathe and make me wish I was your oxygen. How dare you hold me like you’ll never let me go. How dare you look at me like I’m worthy of your heart. ”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“Hands clasp my cheeks.  Warm and firm. Grounding me. Ravenous lips devour mine.  It’s a rescue infusion of precious oxygen.  I inhale him.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“It gains density on walks home from school, sharing music and inside jokes. Its momentum becomes unstoppable when gazes linger and wander. When the air is so thick in your shared space that it’s impossible to breathe. When hugs last longer and longer. Bracing for impact.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“I’m electrified. Awake. Alive. Nothing feels more right than being connected to him like this. We were carved from the universe and molded to fit perfectly together. ”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“you were the only one who spoke my language. Those songs were”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“My lower lip trembles. Not a sun. No… my sun is on the opposite side of the country.  And without him to light up the night, I’m slowly dying.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“My silence is a scream to be heard.  My solitude is a plea for company.  My self-destruction is a cry for help.  So why isn’t anyone listening?”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“What if you hate what you learn?” Releasing his hand, I grasp him by the back of the neck. “Listen to me. I don’t need specifics to know I can and will hate the things you’ve been through only because I can’t turn back time and protect you from them.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“Fuck,” I whimper. “I don’t deserve you.” He jerks back, a flash of anger in those hazel eyes. “We’re not doing that.” More tears. “But you don’t know how broken I am. I’m irreparable.” He shakes his head. “I'm not trying to fix you, Win.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“He makes a sound between a moan and a growl that I wish I could record if only to listen to like a favorite song for eternity.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“Don’t downplay what you're going through to protect my feelings. I see it, Win. The blinders are off. Back then, I let you deflect because I was terrified of pushing you away. But now? I’ve come to the conclusion you’ve got a Remy-Homing-Device shoved up your ass and even if I flee the goddamn planet, you’ll find me in space.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“What I am is yours,” he whispers, nipping the back of my neck. “Now, once I’ve stuffed you full of cum, we’re going to clean up and go back out there holding hands.” “Win, I don’t think—” The tips of his fingers graze my prostate and I buck.   “Yes, ok, yes.” He presses a kiss to my temple. “That’s my boy.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“Come on me, Win.”  “Yeah?” he pants, jerking himself faster. “You want my come on your pretty ass?” Shamelessly, I beg, “Fucking paint me with it.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“It’s not defective.” I scowl. “Pretty sure a chemical imbalance means the brain isn’t working the way it should.” His lean arms cross over his chest. “And I’m pretty sure that one sensor misfiring on a car doesn’t mean the whole thing is totaled. It just needs a manual adjustment to get back on track.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“The water is barely lukewarm, but I can’t get my body to cooperate. I’m stuck on the floor with my brain in the clouds. I think Win just sucked my soul out of my cock.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“He’s all defined angles and smooth planes of muscle like a Michelangelo sculpture; I’m compelled to worship every inch of his heavenly perfection.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“My sunshine is flushed, panting and needy as fuck. And I’m high— higher than any chemically induced sensation.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“It’s right with him. It's life spent in shades of grey to suddenly seeing the world in vivid color. It’s the damaged, brittle muscle in my chest waking from a coma. It’s coming home after a brutal journey.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“It may be hopeless pursuing him and it’s unlikely he’ll ever want me back, especially after learning the truth, but he’s the only one who calms the storm inside me.  And I’m desperate for shelter.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“He says he’s the addict? Yeah, right. I’m the fucking junkie flirting with heroin after years of sobriety. ”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“Even on his hardest days, he breathes life into my decaying lungs and I can’t publicly shower him in the affection he deserves. Hiding who he is to me feels wrong. More than wrong. It’s criminal.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life

“A past I’m not able to relive. A present I’m forced to endure.”
― Julia E. McColgan, Ruin My Life