Conscious Loving Quotes

“Co-commitment is made possible when two people deal with their sense of responsibility and integrity. Being alive to the full range of your feelings, speaking the truth at the deepest level of which you are capable, and learning to keep agreements: all of these actions are required to master a co-committed relationship. When these three requirements are met, the real intimacy begins to unfold. A co-committed relationship may look like magic, but it really is composed of tiny moments of choice. Choosing to tell the truth. Noticing that you are projecting, and finding the courage to take responsibility. Choosing to feel rather than go numb. Choosing to communicate about a broken agreement. Choosing to support your partner as he or she goes through deep feeling. Ultimately, once these skills are practiced and internalized, the relationship flows effortlessly. Once your nervous system learns to stay at a high level of aliveness and does not need to numb itself by lying, breaking agreements, and hiding feelings, the creativity starts to flow.”
― Gay Hendricks, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Committment

“There is the relationship between the two of you as real people, and there is the relationship between the two shadows. The shadow is the part of us we do not know about. It is the hidden repository of all our old feelings and patterns. You come into the relationship bringing a shadow with you, as does the other person. If you and the other person do not look into what these shadows contain, your relationship will be between two shadows instead of the two of you as real people.”
― Gay Hendricks, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Committment

“With a strong commitment to inquiring into yourself, the universe does not have to use catastrophes to wake you up.”
― Gay Hendricks, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Committment

“True independence is not based on fear. It contains within it an ability to be close to others, coupled with a choice to be free and autonomous.”
― Gay Hendricks, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Committment

“A close relationship is a powerful light force, and like any strong light it casts a large shadow. When you stand in the light of a close relationship, you must learn to deal with the shadow.”
― Gay Hendricks, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Committment

“When any problem occurs, you have two choices: you can get upset about it, or you can simply figure out what needs to be done. Getting upset has a seductive quality to it; there is rich drama to be had there. The cost is that there is no happiness to be had. Happiness opens up when you drop the drama and start looking for what needs to be done. Any relationship improves when both people shift from complaints to statements of what they want.”
― Gay Hendricks, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Committment

“Many people think there are two faucets, marked GOOD FEELINGS and BAD FEELINGS. They think you can turn on the good one and leave the bad shut off. There is only one faucet, however, and it is marked FEELINGS. YOU turn it on, take what you get, and after a while it becomes mostly positive.”
― Gay Hendricks, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Committment

“Restricting the breath is a quick way of stopping an unpleasant, unwelcome feeling. The trouble is that it also stops your life energy in general.”
― Gay Hendricks, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Committment

“Entanglement begins the moment you step out of an equal relationship with your partner and become an advocate for your victimhood.”
― Gay Hendricks, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Committment