Grave Matter Quotes

“Grief is funny like that. It lives alongside you, sometimes in silence, and then a random thought, or memory, or smell will punch through you like a fist, your bleeding heart in its grasp, and you have to relive it all over again.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“I try to stay silent when I first meet people, trying to figure out how to wear my mask, what kind of person I need to be for the conversation.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“after years of feeling like an outsider, of having a hard time picking up on social cues, I always doubt myself when it comes to making friends. A few bad apples when I was young, and I’m suspicious of everyone.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“Many neurotypicals think most of us are faking it; they don’t understand how we’re not actually lazy but that there are brick walls that slide down, preventing us from doing things, even things we want to do. When they tell us not to worry about something or not to take something personally, they don’t realize we often can’t. And in the end, they shun us and side-eye us and make pithy comments about how “mentally unstable” we are, especially if we happen to present as feminine.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“When I was finally diagnosed, it was like a switch went off in my head. An explanation as to why I am the way I am. But even though more and more people are getting diagnosed as neurodiverse in some capacity, the stigma hasn’t gone away. Many neurotypicals think most of us are faking it; they don’t understand how we’re not actually lazy but that there are brick walls that slide down, preventing us from doing things, even things we want to do. When they tell us not to worry about something or not to take something personally, they don’t realize we often can’t. And in the end, they shun us and side-eye us and make pithy comments about how “mentally unstable” we are, especially if we happen to present as feminine.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“I’m staying for you, sweetheart,” he says, grabbing my hand and holding it up to his mouth, pressing his lips against my skin. “I’m burning up for you. You’re my fever, Syd. No cure.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“don’t see how I’ll ever stop being too much for someone. Too impulsive, too brash, too reckless, too self-centered, too cold, too sensitive, too much. Too me.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“Because you are my future, Syd,” he says, his voice low and gruff. “Because that’s all there is. The past doesn’t exist anymore. Only now and tomorrow is what does. And I want you—now and tomorrow.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“My rejection sensitivity dysphoria usually kicks into high gear because I have this ability to assume that everyone hates me deep down, but lately, I think I’m giving people reasons to look at me askew.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“See, boys are allowed to be mad scientists. But when women do it? We’re simply labeled crazy. And even at eight years old, I knew there was a difference.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“The problem is,” Michael adds, “when we got rid of your ADHD, we got rid of a lot of things that made you brilliant. That were also a hindrance, yes. But you didn’t have that focus anymore. That drive or ambition. It wasn’t the same. The Sydney you were before was able to give everything up for the chance to feel worthy and you, this you? You didn’t have it in you.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“why I’m not insane with grief all the time. It’s one of the few concessions that my ADHD grants me. That and my ability to hyperfocus and grow obsessive over the things I care deeply about, which is why my grades are so good but only about the subjects I’m infatuated with”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“When I was eight years old, I decided my goal in life was to become a mad scientist. Not just any scientist but a mad one.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“But when I tapped on the screen”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“Grief is funny like that. It lives alongside you”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“His eyes are shadowed by his dark”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“This is a mother tree,” I whisper, the oldest and most established, with the deepest fungal connections, the one to recognize distress signals in other trees and send them more water. I feel like if I concentrate hard enough, I can almost feel the tree trying to talk to me.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“When I was finally diagnosed, it was like a switch went off in my head. An explanation as to why I am the way I am.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“Some people like that I’m bossy,” he says with a smirk.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“You don’t know anything about me,” I tell him, feeling annoyed. “You keep saying that, and yet, every day, I know more and more,” he says softly, hands clasped behind his back. “One day, I’ll know everything.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“Did he touch you?”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“You’re going to get a soaker with those shoes if we continue.” “A soaker?” I ask. She laughs. “Ah yes, I forgot that’s a Canadian term. It means you’re going to get your shoes wet.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“Life has a way of conditioning you, and when you’ve gone to the school of hard knocks, you expect those knocks each time.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“I know the lodge is just a bunch of buildings, but some days, particularly at night, I feel it has a personality of its own—and it’s not a nice personality. Moody, perhaps. And tonight, I feel like it wants us gone, like we’re not supposed to be here.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“It’s like living in paradise, in the gaze of God’s creation, while we ourselves create.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“Knock it off, I chide myself. Lusting after your professor slash psychologist is the very last thing you need. Old habits, they die hard.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“I realize that some connections in life can’t be severed, not even by death.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“Pretend I don’t want her. Pretend I don’t need her. Pretend I don’t crave her.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“Many neurotypicals think most of us are faking it; they don’t understand how we’re not actually lazy but that there are brick walls that slide down, preventing us from doing things, even things we want to do. When they tell us not to worry about something or not to take something personally, they don’t realize we often can’t.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter

“We have a saying here,” she says softly. “Don’t try to change the lodge. Let the lodge change you.”
― Karina Halle, Grave Matter