Return to Sender Quotes

“What’s the legal definition of kidnapping?” “Unlawful restraint of a person’s liberty by force or coercion wherein the person is taken to another location or concealed.”
― Craig Johnson, Return to Sender

“So, was he put on trial, pronounced guilty, and executed?” “Nope, wasn’t even charged by Esther Morris, another Wyoming woman of celebrity status…She was the first female American justice of the peace.” She raised a fist. “Wyoming women: first to vote, first to hold office, and first to bump off twenty-two men.” “Did you just use the term ‘bump off’?”
― Craig Johnson, Return to Sender

“So, what did you do down there in the big city?” “Kind of an enforcer; if people didn’t use enough stamps or wrote the wrong zip code I’d go out and rough ’em up.”
― Craig Johnson, Return to Sender

“You’re going to start working for the government?” “No, I have too much respect for myself…”
― Craig Johnson, Return to Sender

“Shitbirds, the both of you.”
― Craig Johnson, Return to Sender

“>There are a lot of theories on shooting, but the one I remember getting from my father was probably the most helpful: Wait until you feel it. The sense memory of the human mind and body is a remarkable thing and played a role in most of the more amazing actions I’ve accomplished in any physical sense in my life. I’d be hard‑pressed to tell you how I did them.”
― Craig Johnson, Return to Sender

“I gauged the distance at just over two hundred and fifty yards and smiled as I made the adjustment, wondering to myself what Americans would do for measurement if we didn’t have football fields.”
― Craig Johnson, Return to Sender