101 Best Jokes Quotes

“I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“I heard that if you play a Windows CD backwards, you'll get a satanic message. But the most frightening thing is that if you play it forward, it installs Windows.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“We have enough youth—how about a fountain of smart?”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Are you kidding? That's a hardware problem! ”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“she looked out the window and the police fined her for mooning.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“What will it be, stranger?" "Anything but a Canadian Club" replies the seal.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? A: Because those men already have boyfriends." ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“ground, he starts screaming, "You're not so tough now, are you, Batman?”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“Yo momma so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“What do you call ten blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“What do you call a hundred blondes stacked on top of each other? An air mattress.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“I doubt, therefore I might be.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would you like a beer?" Descartes replies, "I think not" and poof! he vanishes.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“Two guys are walking their dogs, one of which is a black lab and the other a Chihuahua. Passing a bar, the lab walker says, "Let's get a beer." The other guy retorts, "We can't take our dogs in there," and the first guy says, "Watch." In he goes and orders a beer. "Sorry, you can't bring your dog in here," says the bartender. "But, he's my seeing eye dog." "Oh, okay. Here's your beer." Convinced, the Chihuahua owner follows, orders a beer, and gets the same response—No beer. "But, he's my seeing eye dog," he pleads. "Yeah, right," replies the bartender. "A Chihuahua as a seeing eye dog? Gimme a break." "They gave me a Chihuahua?”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk turns to the other priest. "I'm Jesus Christ." The second priest replies, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“so ugly that when she gets up, the sun goes down. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ Yo momma so ugly that when she looks in the mirror,”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I presume”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“Yo momma so fat a picture of her fell off the wall. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“used to have a handle on life, but it broke. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“Remember, if a man steals your wife, the best revenge that you can have is to let him keep her.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“Do you have a weed eater?" "No." "Then you're gay.”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“born the doctor slapped her and her parents. In your store: His, Body and Soul - Volume 1 "His, Body and Soul is the most sensational sensual novel to have been released since Fifty Shades of Grey." Tap to get free sample In”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes

“husband and wife are like two sides of a coin? A: Because although they cannot bear to face one”
― Various, 101 Best Jokes