The Next Conversation Quotes

“The fastest way to lose your peace of mind is to give someone a piece of yours.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“Speaking directly doesn’t mean you lack empathy or consideration for the other person’s feelings. Being direct means that you have the self-assurance that you can respect the other person, as well as yourself, enough to communicate your needs openly without fear.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“Remember, the person you see is not the person you’re talking to.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“Stop seeing arguments as something to win but as an opportunity to understand the person behind the words. Stop hearing only what’s said and start hearing what’s felt. Build the discipline to connect to the person in front of you.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“The strategic use of silence reflects intention, not hesitation.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“The first thing to know about standing up for yourself is when to do it, because not everyone is worth getting out of your chair for. It’s a know-your-worth mentality. Not everyone is worth your peace of mind. You have to know and consciously decide if the person standing in front of you is one who means something to you.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“Stop carrying the weight of other people’s words. Stop attending every argument you’re invited to. If sports are your jam, just because they throw a pitch doesn’t mean you have to swing. Let it go by. Just because they hit it to your side of the court doesn’t mean you have to send it back over the net. Let it fall to the ground. There is no requirement, no compulsion, that just because they said something, you are obligated to say anything at all. “I just have to say…” No, you don’t. There’s nothing you have to say. There are only things you want to say. But who are you”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“Confidence doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. It means you do it scared. Confidence doesn’t mean you’re always right. It means you tell them when you’re wrong. Confidence doesn’t mean you avoid mistakes. It means you embrace them.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“This is also why overexplaining kills confidence. The more words you use, the less you actually say. Using too many words to say something small creates a big problem. The temptation to overexplain stems from the fear that the other person isn’t going to believe you (a social evaluation trigger). But the more words you use, the less believable you sound. The more words it takes to tell the truth, the more it sounds like a lie. The longer you talk, the more it sounds like you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“I’m attaching the contract,” or even “I attached the contract,” sounds more forward, more active, and more assertive. You’re leaning into your confidence by telling them what you’re doing and then doing it.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“An easy exercise to help you find your personal values is to poll the person who knows you best, like a close friend, your partner, or a family member. Ask this person each of the following questions and write down their response. What do you think I find important in my life based on my daily conversations? What are three words you would use to describe my character to someone who doesn’t know me? What topics of conversation do I get most enthusiastic about? What quality is most important to me in the friendships I have? What emotion do you wish I’d show more of?”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“An argument is a window into another person’s struggle.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“Winning an argument is a losing game. Winning means that you’ve likely lost something far more valuable—their trust, their respect, or worse, the connection. The only reward you’ve won is their contempt.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“When you feel yourself getting defensive, get quiet, then get curious.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“Embrace the thought of “No, I don’t have to make this make sense to you. My boundaries were not put up to make you feel comfortable. They were put up for me.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“Their discomfort over your boundary is not a sign that it’s wrong, it’s a sign that it’s working.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“When you tell someone that they’re wrong, they become more convinced that they’re right.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“How you handle a difficult conversation says more about your character than the content of the conversation itself.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“When you feel someone else getting defensive, change your words from those that put up walls to those that break them down. It’s a shift toward a connection mindset that opens up to more understanding and acknowledgment, rather than confrontation and the urge to win.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“Tell them that they’re helpful. People like to feel helpful, especially if they can help themselves. When you acknowledge that they’ve helped you, they’re more likely to remain more open and forthcoming. You free their defensiveness with acknowledgment. For example: “That’s helpful to know.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“In the silence of the pause, imagine that their words don’t reach you but fall to the ground. Resist the urge to “catch” them and throw them back. Imagining the words falling to the ground gives you the chance to consider whether it’s worth your time to pick them up or leave them alone. If you feel the pull to get defensive, remind yourself with the phrase “Put it down, [your name].”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“This is your wake-up call. It’s time you take ownership of your words and realize that not everything that is said requires a response from you. Maybe you forgot, but you get to decide if what somebody says means anything to you.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“Fundamental attribution error describes the concept that you tend to overemphasize personality-based explanations and underemphasize external situational factors.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“Once you begin creating and enforcing boundaries, there’s something you need to know. Not everyone will like it. Some will even hate it. But they’ll still respect you for it.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“Your peace of mind isn’t negotiable. Even to you. Confidence means if you want to accept, you accept. If you don’t, you don’t.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“Instead, opt for phrases that signal viewpoints, not verdicts. That is, convey your opinion from a particular vantage point as opposed to a blunt dismissal.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“When someone is rude to you, insults you, or belittles you, a long pause is your greatest weapon.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“I mean it when I say this: silence is the most effective tool at your disposal to fix communication problems.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“The more words you use, the less I want to listen and the less value your words have. But the fewer words you use, the more I want to pay attention and the more value each word holds. Each word has impact. When you flood the market of conversation with excessive words, you create a deficit of attention.”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

“Have something to learn”
― Jefferson Fisher, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More