Something in the Water Quotes

“I hate the thought of someone never being missed,' said Ianto sadly. 'It's the ultimate humiliation, surely. So unimportant in life that no one even notices when you die.”
― Trevor Baxendale, Something in the Water

“Y’know, I kind of prefer it when the dead stay dead.’
‘Pot. Kettle. Black,’ Owen said.
‘Yeah,’ agreed Jack with a shrug. ‘The difference is, I do it with style.”
― Trevor Baxendale, Something in the Water

“Both men and women get the symptoms – but only the male of the species goes on to fertilise the spores and grow a new homunculus.’
Owen boggled. ‘You mean I’m pregnant?’
‘Well ...’
‘But I’m always so careful.”
― Trevor Baxendale, Something in the Water

“That’s bollocks,’ said Owen’s voice over the loudspeakers.
‘That a medical term?’ asked Jack.
‘It is when I use it.”
― Trevor Baxendale, Something in the Water

“Almost a meal,’ said Gwen. ‘Which reminds me – I’m hungry. Anyone for pizza?’
‘Already ordered,’ announced Ianto smoothly as he handed her a mug of hot chocolate.
‘Thanks, Ianto. You are a treasure, you know that?’
He smiled. ‘As a matter of fact, I do.”
― Trevor Baxendale, Something in the Water

“There’s a medical term for it, actually. It’s called Hugh Grantism. You spend so long faffing around trying to do the correct thing that the chance to do anything at all just slips you by.”
― Trevor Baxendale, Something in the Water

“The passenger door popped open, and Owen peered inside.
‘Going my way?’ he asked with more than a hint of sarcasm. The interior was illuminated by a complicated range of VDUs and dashboard controls. Captain Jack Harkness was at the wheel, a broad grin on his face.
‘All the way,’ he said.
‘I bet you pick up guys like this all the time,’ said Owen as he climbed in and shut the door.
‘It’s the car,’ Jack smiled. ‘Everyone digs the car.”
― Trevor Baxendale, Something in the Water

“I thought you said you wre bringing a dead body in for examination. Didn't you think to check he actually was dead first?'
Gwen knew he was being sarcastic, but the tone still stung.
'Be fair, Jack,' said Owen from the doorway.'Y'know the guy had done a lot to make himself look dead: lain in a bog for forty years, decayed himself, let the worms in, shrivelled up a bit, stopped breathing, no circulation, all major organs dried up and inactive. Could've fooled anyone.”
― Trevor Baxendale, Something in the Water

“There was a clatter of footsteps on the flooring, and they looked up to see Owen approaching. He was trying to conceal his sheepishness behind an arrogant façade, and almost – but not quite – failing.
‘I know, I know,’ he said, holding up his hands. ‘Don’t all rush to hug me, you’ll only embarrass me.’
‘Hug you?’ queried Jack. ‘Hey, even I have standards.”
― Trevor Baxendale, Something in the Water

“Jack ran a hand through his hair and said, ‘What I need is more coffee. Ianto!’
‘A man’s work is never done in Torchwood,’ said Ianto, peeling off his rubber gloves. ‘If you want coffee on demand, you’ll have to stop mucking the place up first.’
‘Get to it before I put you over my knee.’ Jack grinned at him.”
― Trevor Baxendale, Something in the Water

“All right,’ Owen said. ‘Let’s have a closer look, then.’
He picked up a large scalpel from the instrument trolley at his side and brandished it dramatically over the corpse like a sacrificial dagger.
‘God, I bet you were unbearable at med school,’ said Gwen.”
― Trevor Baxendale, Something in the Water

“What the hell happened?’ Jack asked, grinning.
‘Slight accident in the marshland,’ Gwen said. ‘We wandered off the path at Greendown Moss. Big mistake.’
‘That’s a relief,’ Owen said with a sardonic smile. ‘For a moment I thought you’d been mud-wrestling together and I’d missed it.’
‘In your dreams.’
‘Only when I’m bored, girls. Only when I’m bored.”
― Trevor Baxendale, Something in the Water

“Think there’s any more of them down there?’ asked Owen cautiously. He hung back, making sure his gun was still cocked.
‘I doubt it,’ Jack said. ‘We’d both be dead by now if there were. Well, you would be.’
Owen looked at him.
‘You’re an inspirational leader, Jack. Have I ever told you that?”
― Trevor Baxendale, Something in the Water

“The policeman looked him up and down and Jack raised an eyebrow.
‘Want my phone number, constable?”
― Trevor Baxendale, Something in the Water