The Mindful Marriage Quotes

“In pain, you might have withdrawn and stayed emotionally on guard or become aggressive and defensive. Blame, shame, control, escape—and any combination of the four—are common reactions. And pain from the past can keep us from being vulnerable in the present, even in emotionally safe relationships. We’ve all experienced pain. What matters here is not so much the injury itself but the story pain taught us about ourselves, the world, and relationships.”
― Ron L. Deal, The Mindful Marriage: Create Your Best Relationship Through Understanding and Managing Yourself

“How did you know (as a child) you were loved? How did you know you were safe?”
― Ron L. Deal, The Mindful Marriage: Create Your Best Relationship Through Understanding and Managing Yourself

“neglected, or don’t sense their own worth have difficulty forming healthy identities. They may believe they lack worth or are unworthy of love. Identity formation has a deep and lasting impact. It’s important to note that other, nonparental relationships and traumatic experiences can also shape identity (and our sense of safety). Stepparents, teachers, coaches, neighbors, and peers play a part. We may feel special or average, included or rejected—loved or unloved—because of those relationships. Traumatic events bring lasting harm.”
― Ron L. Deal, The Mindful Marriage: Create Your Best Relationship Through Understanding and Managing Yourself

“And then there is what we are together. There is us.”
― Ron L. Deal, The Mindful Marriage: Create Your Best Relationship Through Understanding and Managing Yourself

“Today, the more readily accepted model of grief is called the Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement, and it suggests that there are two major aspects of good grieving: loss-oriented aspects and restoration-oriented aspects. Loss-oriented elements focus on grieving, the many emotions that surround the sadness, and wrestling with the reality of the loss. Restoration-oriented elements have to do with walking forward in life, that is, doing new things, attending to life as it now is, stepping away from the intensity of grief from time to time, learning new roles, and building new relationships. Loss-oriented aspects look back while Restoration-oriented aspects look forward.3”
― Ron L. Deal, The Mindful Marriage: Create Your Best Relationship Through Understanding and Managing Yourself

“Wrestling with differing sexual desires and an active pain cycle is hard; porn is easy. Stepping out of pride and into humility is hard; escape is easy. Analyzing yourself instead of your spouse is hard; retreating into a “friend” that never disappoints—and never demands anything—is easy.”
― Ron L. Deal, The Mindful Marriage: Create Your Best Relationship Through Understanding and Managing Yourself