Cracked Quotes

“Sometimes bad things need to be reminded they're not the only ones who can bite.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Naivety is cured with time. Stupidity is terminal.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Like any fatherless child, I've wondered about the man responsible for the glory that is me. Needless to say, it's disappointing to learn he's the kind who'd probably eat his young.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“I'm pretty sure Jo couldn't talk about the weather without somehow including a threat. Forecast today: cloudy with a chance I'll kick your ass.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“They fight with a bloodthirstiness I wouldn't expect outside a maximum-security prison or suburban PTA meeting.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Crush! Kill! And above all - cackle!”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Death is my art form--when I fight, I'm a ballerina. Graceful. Chi lacks my grace, but makes up for it in energy and enthusiasm. His fighting style is like breakdancing--strong and frenetic with some really sweet moves. Jo's is . . .the Macarena. Ugly but gets the job done.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“I study the little creature in front of me. What is it about these dwarfish little humans? They lack smarts, lack skills and they never seem to have much money. Yet they are powerful little monsters – adults dance to the tunes played by their chubby little fingers. Is it the disproportionately big head? Or the eyes too big for that head? Did I have this effect on my own mother? Was that why she believed in my goodness, despite all evidence to the contrary?
Suddenly the lower lip pokes out and the eyes grow even bigger. I feel a tug in the region where my heart should be… I want to give it things…
Ahhhhhh! Look away! Look away! Evil, ensnaring, hypnotic monster.
Just kidding, but it is kind of cute. I feed it a cracker.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Chi's faith means nothing, because it has nothing to do with me. Chi's faith is blind. He doesn't see me. But Jo does.

Jo always has.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“A human teenager. One of God’s most misbegotten creatures – big like grown-ups and yet dumb like children.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“I'm pretty durable, but concrete and I have faced off before. While I didn't die, I wouldn't say I won, either.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Samson's tapping feet come closer, but again he pauses and knocks on a door. I don't mind. The pauses make it better. They make me wonder whether he's going to come to me, like the anticipation before a kiss. Will he or won't he?

But this is not a love story.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Your death, strange human. I mean, your injury. No murder, just a little maiming. So I can leave. Maiming’s not so bad.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Jo turns towards me. Her voice is calm but now I see her eyes blaze in a holy hazel fire. She doesn’t want to die, but she will, for what she believes in. I need new friends.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“The cold never bothers me when I’m filled with the hot soup of bad souls. Nevertheless I make a show of shivering. Chi strips off his leather vest and I hold it as he peels off his hoodie, pulling his shirt up with it. I get an eyeful of carved six-pack abs and bite back a whistle. Demon-hunting must be good for the physique. The looks of an angel and yet all it makes me want to do is sin.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“But worries are for people who can’t pull grown men apart with their bare hands.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Those of us who live with twisted bits like to think we can overcome them.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Turns out I’m only ‘mom-special’. Special like a snowflake is special. Special like a school kid on honor roll.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“I eye the three of them, considering. They’ll need a lesson in discretion before I go. Not a lethal lesson. Mom wouldn’t like that.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“My teeth rip skin; my jaws snap bones. I am fast, lightning-fast, snuff— oh-was-that-your-life?—oh-was-that-your-life?— fast.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“As parties go, the food is good but the hosts are complete assholes.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“I hear myself laughing, screeching, cackling. The world is red hot and pulsing. On fire [...] I stroll down the corridor and the flickering fluorescents celebrate my passing, humming in praise. I spin, bow and hum along. Bloody footprints trail; bloody fingers smear the walls.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“He moves and my eyes snap open, freezing him in place. "You're right. I am like you." I breathe, then shake my head very slowly, holding his eyes. "But that doesn't help you any.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Oooooh, don’t make her mad!” the leader gasps around his laughter.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“The pauses make it better. They make me wonder whether he's going to come to me, like the anticipation before a kiss. Will he or won't he?

But this is not a love story.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“All right – love of my life, but that’s kind of a mouthful. One day, let’s just shorten it to ‘wife’.”

Even I find that frightening, and it wasn’t directed at me.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“My morality is almost a contortionist.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“He looks at me now. “Anyway, I want you to be careful, Meda. Careful you don’t wake up one day, an old fool with nothing but the sun-dappled memory of a dead girl to keep you company. Your mom wouldn’t want you to live like that. Remember people you have lost, but let them go. Let the memories fade.”

It’s obvious he hasn’t let her go. “Wouldn’t she want you to do the same?”

He smiles the caught smile of someone doing something they shouldn’t. “Yes, but part of the fun of loving your mom was arguing with her.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“And as for my mom, whatever happened, whatever her reasons were, they don’t really matter anymore other than as a way to know her better. She loved me, no matter what, in her own way. And everyone has their own way.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“They don’t hate each other, they’ve just hurt each other.” Not what I expect from a thirteen-year-old kid. I raise my eyebrows. “What?” he says defensively, “You can’t hate someone you’d be willing to die for.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked