Bad Monkey Quotes

“He wondered if something was mentally wrong with him for being content with what he had”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“Nobody said he was Alvin Einstein.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“Miami ... the floating-human-body-parts capital of America.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“The victim’s hand was contracted into a fist except for the middle digit, which was rigidly extended.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“If God was my co-pilot, Yancy once groused to Burton, I’d have the fucking pedal to the metal soon as I left the garage.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“The”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“He wondered if something was mentally wrong with him for being content with what he had …”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“What would he ever do as a rich man that he couldn’t do now? Where would he go, and for God’s sake why? He already lived in the loveliest place imaginable and, besides, he didn’t like to fly.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“Yancy stayed up listening to his iPod while the television was tuned to Animal Planet. The effect was enthralling: wildebeest migrations accompanied by Joni Mitchell and the Strokes.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“Soon Yancy loosened up and his thoughts began meandering, which sometimes happened when a smooth physical rhythm was established. It was no reflection on his partner; he had an incurably busy brain.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“Tumescence was a hydraulic impossibility,”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“Yancy surveyed the items on the sheriff’s desk: a glass leaping-dolphin paperweight from the Kiwanis Club, an oversized Rubik’s Cube, a MacBook, a coffee mug from America’s Most Wanted and a half dozen photographs featuring Mrs. Summers and their three children, the youngest of whom wore in every frame the hollow stare of a future serial killer.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“Over the years Yancy had conjured many irrational revenge fantasies about Johnny Mendez. For a time he considered seducing Mendez’s wife until he realized he’d be doing Mendez a huge favor. Mrs. Mendez was an unbearable harridan. Her features were a riot of futile surgeries, and she laughed like a mandrill on PCP. Yancy once bought her a margarita at the InterContinental, and for two solid weeks he’d slept with the lights on. Now he was parked down the block from the Mendez marital nest. A fat Siamese was primping on the hood of the Lexus. Yancy assumed the animal belonged to Mendez, who seemed like a total cat person. The man’s inability to control K-9 candidates was further evidence.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“subsisting mostly on Popsicles and so-called”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“Rosa got home from the office at five-thirty. They didn't go out for dinner and they didn't make love. The autopsy she'd completed was that of a girl who had died on her birthday. Only eight years old, and the parents had left her alone when they went to play the slots at the Miccosukee casino, way out on Krome Avenue. The girl was doing laps in the backyard pool when her appendix ruptured, no one there to hear the cries for help. She made it back to the shallow end but the pain doubled her up, and that's where they'd found her--the parents, so shitfaced they couldn't remember where they'd left their car keys.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“Quit being an asshole, Nicky. You weren't in the medical care business, you were in the stealing business.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“And don't forget, this was South Florida, the Medicare fraud capital of America, where the most experienced dirtballs came to gorge. Stripling had found himself competing against the slickest and slimiest--former mortgage brokers, identity thieves, arms dealers, insider traders and dope smugglers, all who'd switched to home-care durables because stealing directly from the government was so much easier, and the risk so small.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“Dragging baits in the ocean was different than jigging for walleyes in the lake back home.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“the match.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“If God was my co-pilot, Yancy once groused to Burton, I'd have the fucking pedal to the metal soon as I left the garage.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“he was bitten in the groin by a Belgian shepherd trainee named Kong, and he required three operations, culminating in a scrotal graft from a Brahma steer.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“losing his hair. “Ms. Chase and me,”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“cell phone the night he died. She’d obtained this key information”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“Naw, but I’ve slept through a few. It’s easier than”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“The Dragon Queen was firm: No sex, no more voodoo curses on Christopher.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey

“Only because you’re injured,” she said, and kissed him again. He pulled her close. “How’s this going to work with all these stitches? Do I have to keep standing?” “Well,” whispered Rosa, “I suppose you could kneel.” Yancy lifted her sundress. “You’re the doctor.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey