How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog Quotes

“But the pile on the floor”
― Susan Lash, How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog

“Mom and I looked at Albert.  He was arching his back and making a funny gurgling noise in his throat.  Suddenly, he opened his mouth wide, like a shark, and puked up a big lump of bright orange vomit.  “It’s okay, Albert,” I said.  “I know the thought of Jack with a girlfriend is enough to make anyone sick.” Albert wasn’t listening to me.  He was busy sniffing his vomit.  Then he took a bite of it. “Oh, Albert, don’t do that.  You’re going to make me vomit, too.” cried Mom, pulling”
― Susan Lash, How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog

“Does he heel?” Elizabeth asked, leaning over and placing her hands on Albert’s back. “Well, we only just started puppy obedience class the other week, so he …” Jack started to answer. Elizabeth wasn’t paying any attention to Jack.  She closed her eyes and turned her head towards the ceiling.  “Heal me doggie,” she cried.  “Heal me.”  Jack and I looked at one another.  Suddenly, Elizabeth stood up.  “I can walk! I can walk!” I stood there stunned, my mouth open, eyes bulging.  Then suddenly, Grandma and Jerri started to laugh.  Elizabeth, sitting back down, began to laugh, too. “Oooh, Jack, you should have seen the look on your face.  And Jenny, I thought you were going to pee yourself,”
― Susan Lash, How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog

“guy at the window almost dropped our tray when he saw Albert.  “Hey, Dawg,” he said to Albert when he finally got over his shock.  He handed Jack the tray and laughed, “I thought at first the dog was driving.” “Of course the dog can’t drive,” said Jack as he handed over the money and took the tray.  “He’s way too young.” Grandma”
― Susan Lash, How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog

“When it was his turn Jack said, “I’m Jack and this is my dog, Albert.  Albert likes to play with women’s underwear.” The”
― Susan Lash, How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog

“The next morning I woke up with a furry lump pressed against my chest, its butt right under my chin.  Before I could move, a toxic cloud of dog fart floated into my face.  Barbeque sauce scented dog”
― Susan Lash, How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog

“Why, Grandma, what a big butt you have,” said Jack in his best Red Riding Hood voice. Grandma”
― Susan Lash, How (Not) to Kiss Your Dog