Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin Quotes

“You are the one who takes care of you, I tell myself.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“I can't bear to look at the screen itself, the women in pastels, like so many Jordan almonds. The men in suits, wearing equally angelic expressions. Members just like men, ostensibly. Who have vowed to be obedient to God's laws, and to repent of their sins. They've promised to be honest, true, chaste, benevolent, and virtuous; they've promised to be hopeful, and to endure all things, to seek after what is lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy. Only then will God provide a lasting solution to their loneliness and frustration.
I imagine they comfort themselves, like I do, with the game of "wouldn't it be worse." Wouldn't it be worse to have a sick child, ailing parents, or a flesh-eating virus? Wouldn't it be lonelier to be trapped in a dying marriage, scarier to have crippling financial problems or to spend one's retirement fund on failed in vitro treatments? Wouldn't it be worse to live a life absent of faith, absent of purpose, absent of the love of God? I imagine they tell themselves, like I do, that a soul-crushing loneliness is a small price to pay, given the big picture. Everyone suffers. Loneliness is the human condition. And after the tests of our faith, we will triumph.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“There have to be men out there like us: committed to the Gospel, if not the culture of the church, she says. I nod in agreement. Mormon, but normal. Two Normons in a sea of Boremons and Whoremons.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“No prophet or apostle has lived a celibate life is what I'd like to tell her. No one who's ever told me celibacy is a viable option has ever been celibate. They don't even use the word. They say 'abstinent,' which implies there will be an end. They don't consider what my life will be like, if I never marry. Which is likely, given who I am, and the ways I'm different. People stand at the pulpit, or they come to my house, and tell me not to need what every human needs. Afterward, they go home and undress. They lie down next to the person they love most, or once did.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“My throat closes against the words I can't swallow, not one more time. Because it's not true, what they're telling me--what they've been telling me since I was a child. There cannot be only one way to be a woman. My identity cannot be something I've never felt.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“Damn, girl,' says Jomo. 'You can play hard to get.'

'Unfortunately for both of us,' I say, softening, 'I'm not playing.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“It's good you have something to keep you occupied." I smile stiffly and turn away from her. Because I'm this far from asking what the fuck she thinks I do all day. But even through the surge of anger that's rising, I remind myself of what I know is true: she means well. They all do. These women want me to receive all of God's blessings, many of which can be bestowed only after my temple marriage, which should be my first objective. Everything I've done so far (my two graduate degrees, my international travels, my teaching career, my friendships, my creative pursuits), is "preparing." Treading water, keeping time, staying busy until real life begins.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“We seem expected to put up with bad manners and bizarre behavior from LDS men, I say. Things we'd never subject ourselves to on dates with nonmembers--simply because of their LDS-ness. My theory is that many LDS men have never learned how to treat women properly because they've always been the supply to an unrelenting demand. Leila continues, saying there are plenty of smart, successful, well-mannered men outside the church who want to date us, but with them we're pressured to lower other standards.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“I am shocked at the openness with which people reveal their secrets and personal failures. Until I realize: not everyone has been raised in a culture of perfection; they don't see a benefit to the shellac required to keep up appearances.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“Singlehood is a problem to be solved. Even the bishops in singles wards are impatient with us, frustrated with the amount of time they spend away from their families, dealing with violations of the law of chastity. There's an easy solution, we're often reminded. "Just choose one," said one bishop to a male friend of mine, and indicated, like a game show host, the array of available women before him.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“The separation of young single adults from (plain old) single adults is supposedly a precaution against older men courting girls as young as eighteen. I'm not sure why said girls can't be taught to simply say no to men they're not interested in dating. Truthfully, I'm not sure it's a good idea to separate singles at all. Because we're absent from regular congregations, we singles--and our concerns--aren't often considered. Our absence reinforces the fact that a single life cannot be respected the way a married life can; it certainly can't be admired--unless as an example of how to bear a trial.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“If I say no, sex isn't everything--those mechanics, that act--but it affects everything, she will say, "Be faithful." If I say sex casts a monstrous shadow over my life: the visceral wanting of it, the religious sanctions against it, the looming threat of disfellowship or excommunication, and the damaging ways I've devised to resist it, she will tell me to follow the prophet's counsel, and that of his apostles. If I say sex keeps me from getting near enough to a man to fall in love, because nonmembers are the ones who want me and I can no longer trust myself around them. If i say I'm unmarriageable in the Mormon community. If I say the crisis of celibacy is a crisis of isolations, that I am wrong in both places, judged by both sides, she will say wait for my spiritual reward. "Look to the afterlife," as if this life means nothing.
There will be no way to respond that isn't sacrilege. No prophet or apostle has lived a celibate life, is what I'd like to tell her. No one who's told me celibacy is a viable option has ever been celibate. They don't even use the word. They say "abstinent," which implies there will be an end. They don't consider what my life will be like, if I never marry. Which is likely, given who I am, and the ways I'm different. People stand at the pulpit or they come to my house and tell me not to need what every human needs. Afterward, they go home and undress. They lie down next to the person they love most, or once did. When they reach across the bed, someone is there.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“I would, for the love of God, feel a man's hands on me before I die.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“If the second-greatest commandment is to love our fellow man, where is that commandment in this? Dear God, where is the love in this?”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“This is the kind of behavior that I was dreading: she doesn't see that what she's doing is for her, not me. She doesn't see that it's disrespectful. Dismissive. Condescending. As if my reasons aren't real.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“That feels like the worst part: denying people hope. I don't know where I'd be if I couldn't even tell myself that any day now, five minutes, or an hour from now, everything will change.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“It didn't take long to figure out I'll never go back to teaching public high school. Why would I, when I can make virtually the same money waiting tables, have no stress, and work half the hours? When I can give away or trade my shifts if I need time to write or study. When I'll never have to wake up early, take my work home, or talk to anyone's parents--unless it's in regards to the nightly specials, the Spanish grenache that pairs beautifully with our house-made mole sauce.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“Mormon men are raised to be providers,' he said. 'You already have everything we're supposed to provide . . . What's left to give you?' I mentioned love, sex, intimacy, partnership--the things I actually need someone for. He just shrugged.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“Five minutes later, I have in my hand a one-way ticket that will take me back to the island of Grand Cayman to live. Because there's no reason not to.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“Are you sure you want to be that?' says Kim gently. 'With all due respect. It's not working for you.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“Kids need information in order to make good decisions.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“Modesty be damned, I'm done caring whether other Mormons will be offended by the sight of my midriff.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“Sariah and Kim both nod when I say I woke up one day wondering, Whose life is this, and how did I end up living it?”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“But every time I go to church with you, I feel like everyone's trying to trap me in a room and convert me.' Which, in truth, they are. 'I want you, and your family, to love me for who I am,' he shouts, 'To let me be who I am.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“Already I'm wondering if it will happen again, and when: that what I've been conditioned to fear, taught to avoid, will instead reveal the strangest, most inexplicable beauty.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“For Mormon women, however, motherhood is an identity, rather than a role.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir

“Rather than envy, anticipation, or joy, what I feel when I look at the bride is a shortness of breath. I hear the echo of doors closing, as if every one of her life's decisions has just been made.”
― Nicole Hardy, Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin: A Memoir