The Sacred Search Quotes

“The truth is, we want to be known; we truly do. But we’re afraid. If you see the real me, will you run away? Am I even worth being known? Will the real me bore you? Scare you? Repulse you? And so we hide.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“We are told to seek first the kingdom of God, not seek first marriage.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“women, if you simply follow your feelings, you are more likely to fall in love with a guy who will thrill you for twelve to eighteen months as a boyfriend and then frustrate you for five to six decades as a husband. Guys, on the other hand, are more inclined to experience romantic love with women they are attracted to physically, yet physical appearance is the thing most likely to change in a person’s life.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“Lying about what you want out of marriage going in because you’re afraid you’ll lose the relationship if you are honest is one of the worst kinds of fraud you could ever commit.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“love is not an emotion; it’s a policy and a commitment that we choose to keep in the harshest of circumstances. It’s something that can be learned and that we can grow in. Biblical love is not based on the worthiness of the person being loved—none of us deserves Christ’s sacrifice—but on the worthiness of the One who calls us to love: “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“for now I’m just throwing it out there and asking you to at least consider that romantic attraction, as wonderful and as emotionally intoxicating as it can be, can actually lead you astray as much as it can help you. I’m not talking it down; “connecting” with someone on that level is a wonderful thing. Enjoy it, revel in it, even write a song about it if you want, but don’t bet your life on it.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“In case you’ve never thought about it, a woman’s body changes much more rapidly than her character does.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“Marriage is a good thing, and being intentional about your pursuit of it is commendable, not shameful.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“You won’t hear a character’s friend say this in a romantic comedy. Taylor Swift won’t sing this, Eminem won’t rap it, and Suzanne Collins won’t write it, but it’s true: just because you’re “in love” with someone doesn’t mean you should seriously consider marrying them.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“I’m going to ask you to do something that may feel even more painful: when you get close to becoming engaged, put any public announcement on delay for a few weeks and spend several sessions talking through all these issues again with someone else present.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“It’s better to admit your weaknesses and make provision for them than to pretend you’re something you’re not and suffer the consequences when your true character surfaces. Caring about not hurting girls or tempting boys you’ve not yet dated trains you toward compassion. And compassion will serve you very well in marriage.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“Discerning someone’s character, true values, and suitability for marriage is hard work. It takes time, counsel, and a healthy dose of objective self-doubt and skepticism. Identifying someone as “God’s chosen” or Plato’s “soul mate” is comparatively easy. You “feel” it in your gut. It seems right. You can’t imagine anyone else. You must have found the one!”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“Here’s what I want you to ask yourself as you embark on your search for a vibrant sole mate: what will your ideal marriage look like? Will the two of you spend your lives “sucking the marrow out of life,” or working hard to establish a business and/or ministry (and often spending evenings and weekends recovering)? Will you seek to build a child-centered family, focusing on the kids, or have you always thought you’d like to do a lot of foreign travel or maybe just adopt one or two children? Will you have separate hobbies, or would you prefer to do everything together?”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“The sad reality is that when we get married for trivial reasons, we will seek divorce for trivial reasons. We need something much more lasting on which to base a lifelong commitment—one that even has eternal implications.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“When she gets into an argument, a humble person considers the fact that she may be wrong and that there may be something she has missed or is overlooking. She is more concerned with walking in light and truth than with being right. Aware of his spiritual poverty, a humble person prays and studies and confesses and asks people to hold him accountable, as he knows he is a work in progress.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“Such individuals marry on an infatuation binge without seriously considering character, compatibility, life goals, family desires, spiritual health, and other important concerns. Then when the infatuation fades and the relationship requires work, one or both partners suddenly discover that they were “mistaken.” This person must not be their soul mate after all; otherwise, it wouldn’t be so much work.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“Christian life is a journey toward love, growing in love, expanding in our ability to love, surrendering our hearts to love, increasingly becoming a person who is motivated by love.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“Proverbs takes a supremely pragmatic approach: “A wife of noble character who can find?” (31:10). This verse assumes that we are involved in a serious pursuit, actively engaging our minds to make a wise choice. And the top thing a young man should consider is this: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Prov. 31:30).”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“The warning behind this reality is that if we make too much of marriage, we make too little of our relationship with God. And when we make too little of our relationship with God, we undercut our source of love, which makes success in marriage less likely. Focusing on marriage too much is, ironically enough, the best way to kill it.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“Finally, by “humble” spirituality I mean, does your Christian understand he or she is not perfect and needs to grow? Does that person resent it when you notice his or her anger, lust, selfishness, or does he or she recognize that while God is working on them, there is always room for more growth? If people don’t understand God’s grace, they will get defensive rather than listen. If they don’t understand God’s grace, they will never be empowered to rise above an ineffective perfectionism that leads to legalism and denial. You will be married to someone who spends all of his or her energy covering up and making excuses instead of repenting and changing. Worse, you’ll be married to someone who doesn’t even think he or she needs to change (which means, by extension, that your spouse will think you’re the one who is always in the wrong).”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“Biblical love is not based on the worthiness of the person being loved—none of us deserves Christ’s sacrifice—but on the worthiness of the One who calls us to love:”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“Here’s the reality: many women are led into marriage primarily through romantic idealism, and many men are swept to the altar through sexual attraction. Before you can make a wise marital choice, you have to rid yourself of inferior motivations. The wrong why will lead you to the wrong who.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“When we live for ourselves, we become boring. Most of us are simply not interesting enough on our own to captivate someone else for five or six decades.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“Does your Christian (partner) pray? ... if not, you’ll walk through life without the person who knows you most lifting you up in prayerful support. You’ll be the only one supporting your kids in prayer. You’ll be married to someone who isn’t opening themselves up to gods conviction encouragement and support.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“It’s sort of like signing a mortgage or buying a business while drunk. You need to “dry out” a bit and think this thing through before you commit the rest of your life to someone you can’t objectively evaluate”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“The warning behind this reality is that if we make too much of marriage, we make too little of our relationship with God. And when we make too little of our relationship with God, we undercut our source of love, which makes success in marriage less likely. Focusing on marriage too much is, ironically enough, the best way to kill it. Men”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“How do you know if you’re in an infatuation? Here are the neurological markers according to Dr. Helen Fisher, a preeminent biological anthropologist who has written on the topic: • The lover focuses on the beloved’s better traits and overlooks or minimizes flaws. • Infatuated people exhibit extreme energy, hyperactivity, sleeplessness, impulsivity, euphoria, and mood swings. • One or both of the partners develops a goal-oriented fixation on winning the beloved. • Relational passion is heightened, not weakened, by adversity; the more the relationship is attacked, the more the passion grows. • The lovers become emotionally dependent on the relationship. • Partners reorder their daily priorities to remain in contact as much as humanly possible, and they even experience separation anxiety when apart. • Empathy is so powerful that many report they would “die for their beloved.” • An infatuated person thinks about their lover to an obsessive degree. • Sexual desire is intense, and the relationship becomes marked by extreme possessiveness.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“Even if you’re a giver who likes to give, it’s exhausting being married to a taker. A taker will suck the life out of you in many ways, and in one sense undercut your ability to minister to others.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“Givers don’t always mind being in a relationship with a taker because they like to give; it brings them joy.”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

“Walking toward the music” isn’t a bad philosophy of life. Doors might seem closed, the evening might seem prematurely over, but if you can catch a glimpse of nightlife or hear the sound of music in the distance, why not walk toward it and see what you find?”
― Gary L. Thomas, The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?