We Are the Evidence Quotes

“The sexual assault isn’t our identity, it’s not a life sentence, and it doesn’t have to stop us from living the life we want. Yes, the trauma of sexual assault is life-changing and it takes time and effort to heal, but the future is still bright for us. For many survivors, the healing journey can be confusing. It’s not linear, and zigzags can feel like setbacks instead of progress. Sometimes it seems as if the hardest thing we have to do is grieve and move on from the pieces of ourselves that we feel we’ve lost. Some survivors say they feel as if they lost their innocence, their optimism, and their positive memories.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

“One of the most prevalent rape myths is the idea that rape is rare in our society and perpetrated by deviant defendants who jump out of bushes. The myth is perpetuated by the media and pop culture. This idea that rape happens only in dark alleys and involves the use of weapons is incredibly inaccurate and misleading. The sad truth is that rape is pervasive in our society. In fact, one in six women and one in thirty-three men will experience sexual assault or rape in their lifetime. And 80.5 percent of perpetrators are known to victims.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

“Contrary to the stereotypical film drama of the stranger who appears out of nowhere to commit sexual violence, in reality, that scenario is rare. Sexual assaults are generally committed by a known person, and the stronger the relationship is, the less likely a victim will disclose.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

“I felt betrayed by my body. Why wasn’t I screaming?
It took me a long time to realize it was rape, since I didn’t fight back. I doubted myself.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

“People react to and cope with traumatic events in a multitude of ways. Your current emotional state, age, culture, your support system, genetics, past traumas, your relationship to the attacker – all of those factors play a part. As I would later be told a plethora of times, there is no wrong way to react to trauma. It is our bodies and mind reacting normally to an abnormal situation. It is not a judgment of your character.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

“Survivors or sexual assault don’t choose how their mind and body respond to the trauma. We may want to believe that if someone assaults us, we’ll use what we learned from true crime documentaries and think quickly to escape or stop the assault. The reality is that when we’re faced with something that puts us at risk, it can be very hard to think clearly about anything, including how to respond. So, no matter how hard you fought or didn’t fight, it’s not your fault.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

“I didn’t think anyone would believe me. It’s not like I was held at gunpoint or anything. I could’ve probably overpowered them or screamed, and I didn’t do either. I just froze.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

“My entire life I had to believed that if I was being sexually violated and assaulted that I would fight back. I had heard and believed that if I put up a fight, the person would be more likely to stop. I was so confused about why I didn’t fight, it made me question if it could be assault, since I didn’t resist. Why didn’t I fight back?
(…)
The reality is that no one knows how they’ll respond in a traumatic situation until they’re in it. Ultimately, someone else took advantage of you and harmed you. That wasn’t your decision. They’re to blame, not you.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

“No matter how your body and brain responded, what happened wasn’t your fault.
If you fought with everything you had but were still overpowered, that’s not your fault.
If you tried to run away but couldn’t, that’s not your fault.
If fighting or fleeing didn’t seem like safe options, that’s not your fault.
If your automatic survival response was to comply and attempt to please, that’s not your fault.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

“Healing will come with trying different things, and in order to find what works, you might have to try some things that ultimately don’t work. That’s okay. What’s important is that you’re taking steps, one day at a time.

Educating yourself, apologizing sincerely, and working to support them moving forward will go a long way.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

“People react to and cope with traumatic events in a multitude of wats. Your current emotional state, age, culture, your support system, genetics, past traumas, your relationship to the attacker – all of those factors play a part. As I would later be told a plethora of times, there is no wrong way to react to trauma. It is our bodies and mind reacting normally to an abnormal situation. It is not a judgment of your character.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

“No matter how your body and brain responded, what happened wasn’t your fault.

If you fought with everything you had but were still overpowered, that’s not your fault.

If you tried to run away but couldn’t, that’s not your fault.

If fighting or fleeing didn’t seem like safe options, that’s not your fault.

If your automatic survival response was to comply and attempt to please, that’s not your fault.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

“After I was assaulted, I felt lost and unsure of how to move forward. And I felt that way again after reporting the crime to law enforcement, and again after the trial for my case concluded. This book was born out of that feeling of being lost, and out of my deep desire to help other survivors find their way.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

“Over time and with a lot of healing work, the hard days will become fewer. But there will still be some, and sometimes they will sneak up on you. Bad days do not mean you have gone backward in your healing. Being able to recognize that you’re having a hard day, identifying the trigger, and knowing what tools might help you get through the hard day are all wins.

Give yourself permission to take a break, breathe, and make yourself your top priority.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault

“We all like to think that we’ll handle difficult times with clarity and perfection, but we’re all human. If someone has already disclosed to you and you’re realizing that you didn’t respond the way you would now that you know more about sexual assault, it’s not too late to tell them that you’re ready to be a strong support for them.

Educating yourself, apologizing sincerely, and working to support them moving forward will go a long way.”
― Cheyenne Wilson, We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault