Hourglass Quotes

“Thanks to suffering and madness, I have had a finer, richer life than any of you, and I wish to go to my death with dignity, as befits the great moment after which all dignity and majesty cease. Let my body be my ark and my death a long floating on the waves of eternity. A nothing amid nothingness. What defense have I against nothingness but this ark in which I have tried to gather everything that was dear to me, people, birds, animals, and plants, everything that I carry in my eye and in my heart, in the triple-decked ark of my body and soul. Like the pharaohs in the majestic peace of their tombs, I wanted to have all those things with me in death, I wanted everything to be as it was before; I wanted the birds to sing for me forever, I wanted to exchange Charon's bark for another, less desolate and less empty; I wanted to ennoble eternity's unconscionable void with the bitter herbs that spring from the heart of man, to ennoble the soundless emptiness of eternity with the cry of the cuckoo and the song of the lark. All I have done is to develop that bitter poetic metaphor, carry it with passionate logic to its ultimate consequence, which transforms sleep into waking (and the converse); lucidity into madness (and the converse); life into death, as though there were no borderline, and the converse; death into eternity, as if they were not one and the same thing. Thus my egoism is only the egoism of human existence, the egoism of life, counterweight to the egoism of death, and, appearances to the contrary, my consciousness resists nothingness with an egoism that has no equal, resists the outrage of death with the passionate metaphor of the wish to reunite the few people and the bit of love that made up my life. I have wanted and still want to depart this life with specimens of people, flora and fauna, to lodge them all in my heart as in an ark, to shut them up behind my eyelids when they close for the last time. I wanted to smuggle this pure abstraction into nothingness, to sneak it across the threshold of that other abstraction, so crushing in its immensity: the threshold of nothingness. I have therefore tried to condense this abstraction, to condense it by force of will, faith, intelligence, madness, and love (self-love), to condense it so drastically that its specific weight will be such as to life it like a balloon and carry it beyond the reach of darkness and oblivion. If nothing else survives, perhaps my material herbarium or my notes or my letters will live on, and what are they but condensed, materialized idea; materialized life: a paltry, pathetic human victory over immense, eternal, divine nothingness. Or perhaps--if all else is drowned in the great flood--my madness and my dream will remain like a northern light and a distant echo. Perhaps someone will see that light or hear that distant echo, the shadow of a sound that was once, and will grasp the meaning of that light, that echo. Perhaps it will be my son who will someday publish my notes and my herbarium of Pannonian plants (unfinished and incomplete, like all things human). But anything that survives death is a paltry, pathetic victory over the eternity of nothingness--a proof of man's greatness and Yahweh's mercy. Non omnis moriar.”
― Danilo Kiš, Hourglass

“It is hard to lift up your own misfortune. To be at once the viewer and the viewed. To be both above and below. The one below is a spot, a shadow . . . To consider your own person in the light of eternity (read: in the light of death). To rise into the air. The world from a bird's-eye view.”
― Danilo Kiš, Hourglass

“Oko se sporo privikava na polutamu, na zalelujanu prostoriju bez jasnih kontura, na treperave senke. Privučen plamenom, pogled se ustremljuje na lampu, na tu još jedinu svetlu tačku u velikom mraku sobe, ustremljuje se na nju kao zalutala muva i zaustavlja se na tom jedinom izvoru svetlosti, koje treperi kao neka daleka, slučajna zvezda. Na trenutak zaslepljeno i kao omađijano tom svetlošću, oko ne vidi ništa drugo do tu svetlost, ništa, ni druge senke, ni zalelujane površine, ni krpe koje se klate; ništa. Oko vidi samo tu svetlost, taj grebenasti plamen, nekako izvan prostora, kao što su zvezde izvan prostora, a zatim počinje polako da je rastvara (tu svetlost), da je prelama kroz svoju prizmu, da otkriva u njoj sve boje spektra. I tek tada, kada ju je rastvorilo, kada ju je raščinilo, oko otkriva, u sporim talasima sve bleđe svetlosti koja se širi oko plamena, sve ono što se još može otkriti međ naborima senki i praznine: prvo cilinder, taj kristalni omotač plamena, u prvi mah sasvim neprimećen, apstrahovan, kao da je to samo eho plamena i svetle jezgre, eho iza kojeg nastupa tama, jasno, kao da je svetlost izrezana staklom, kao da je smeštena u jamu, ukopana u mrak, pa okolo vlada ne samo pomračina, nego neka druga materija, gusta i sasvim različite specifične težine od one kojom je obavijen plamen. Ali to traje samo tren. Samo dok se oko ne privikne na tamu, nego na svetlost. Tada oko otkriva polako varku i vidi garež na bokovima cilindra, garež koja se preliva iz karatamnog u srebrnkasto, kao na oslepelom ogledalu, i vidi da taj stakleni omotač nije granica svetlosti, kao što otkriva, ne bez čuđenja, i da je srebrnkasti preliv gareži takođe varka, a da poređenje sa oslepelim ogledalom nije igra duha nego igra svetlosti, jasno vidljiva u okruglom ogledalu koje stoji uspravno iza cilindra i u kojem se vidi drugi plamen, plamen-blizanac, gotovo nestvaran, ali plamen; i ako ga oko sve dosad nije primećivalo, to je bilo samo stoga što se duh opirao toj varci, što duh nije hteo da prihvati privid (kao na onom crtežu gde oko vidi belu vazu, vazu ili peščanik, ili putir, sve dok duh – volja? – ne otkrije da je ta vaza praznina, negativ, dakle privid, a da su pozitivna i, dakle, stvarna ona dva identična profila, ona dva lika okrenuta licem jedan prema drugom, taj simetrični "en face", kao u ogledalu, kao u nepostojećem ogledalu, čija bi osa prolazila kroz osu sad već nepostojeće vaze-peščanika, putira, sasude, dvostrukom, zapravo, ogledalu, kako bi oba lika bila stvarna, a ne samo jedan, jer u protivnom onaj drugi bi bio samo odraz, odjek onog prvog, i tada više ne bi bili simetrični, ne bi bili čak ni stvarni; kako bi, dakle, oba lika bila ravnopravna, oba platonovski prauzori a ne samo jedan, jer u protivnom onaj drugi bi bio nužno samo "imitatio", odraz odraza, senka; pa stoga ta dva lika, posle dužeg posmatranja jednako se približavaju jedan drugom, kao u želji da se spoje, da potvrde svoju identičnost).”
― Danilo Kiš, Hourglass

“The flickering shadows dissolve the outlines of things and break up the surfaces of the cube, the walls and ceiling move to and fro to the rhythm of the jagged flame, which by turns flares up and dies down as though about to go out. The yellow clay at the bottom of the cube rises like the floorboards of a sinking boat, then falls back into the darkness, as though flooded with muddy water. The whole room trembles, expands, contracts, moves a few centimeters to the right or left, up or down, all the while keeping its cubical shape. Horizontals and verticals intersect at several points, all in vague confusion, but governed by some higher law, maintaining an equilibrium that prevents the walls from collapsing and the ceiling from tilting or falling. This equilibrium is due no doubt to the regular movement of the crossbeams, for they, too, seem to glide from right to left, up and down, along with their shadows, without friction or effort, as lightly as over water. The waves of the night dash against the sides of the roomboat. Gusts of wind blow soft flakes and sharp icy crystals by turns against the windowpane. The square, embrasure-like window is stuffed with a disemboweled pillow; bits of cloth stick out and dangle like amorphous plants or creepers. It is hard to say whether they are trembling under the impact of the wind blowing through the cracks, or whether it is only their shadow that sways to the rhythm of the jagged flame. ”
― Danilo Kis, Hourglass

“What did E.S. like about dreams?
Their similarity to life and their dissimilarity; their salutary effect on body and soul; their unrestricted choice and arrangement of themes and contents; their bottomless depths and eerie heights; their eroticism; their freedom; their openness to guidance by will and suggestion (a perfumed handkerchief under one's pillow, soft music on the radio or gramophone, etc.); their resemblance to death and their power to confer intimations of eternity; their resemblance to madness without the consequences of madness; their cruelty and their gentleness; their power to pry the deepest secrets out of us; their blissful silence, to which cries are not unknown; their telepathic and spiritist faculty of communication with those dead or far away; their coded language, which we manage to understand and translate; their ability to condense the mythical figures of Icarus, Ahasuerus, Jonah, Noah, etc., into images; their monochrome and polychrome quality; their resemblance to the womb and to the jaws of a shark; their faculty of transforming unknown places, people, and landscapes into known ones, and vice versa; their power to diagnose certain ailments and traumas before it is too late; the difficulty of determining how long they last; the fact that they can be mistaken for reality; their power to preserve images and distant memories; their disrespect for chronology and the classical unities of time and action.”
― Danilo Kiš, Hourglass

“A sve što nadživi smrt jeste jedna mala ništavna pobeda nad večnošću ništavila - dokaz ljudske veličine i Jahvine milosti. Non omnis moriar.”
― Danilo Kiš, Hourglass