Aftermath Quotes

“The kitties had destroyed his equivalent of a coffee machine, so the guy might not have been thinking clearly.”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“This whole conversation is like two guys sitting at a bar, drinking beer, and talking shit about stuff they have no clue about.” “That’s the whole point of drinking at a bar.”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“The display in front of her eyes flickered, went black again, then turned a uniform dark blue. Some asshole had decided the visor should literally ‘blue screen’ when it had power but was offline. Not funny, she said to herself, and made a mental note to find that person and administer a well-deserved beatdown. When she could.”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“Being subtle is not a core competency of Sentinels, Joe. Their motto should be ‘Overkill is underrated’.”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“Jates loomed over Dave. “You are either very brave, or very stupid.” “Hey, I’m a multitasker, I can be both.”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“Rene nodded gravely, frowning like he was trying to remember something important. “Mommy told us that when bad shit goes down, we should do whatever Daddy says.” “Uh,” I blinked. “That is-” Jeremy added, “Mommy also said if Daddy is involved, bad shit will go down.”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“What I know is scientists say bacon is bad for me, but they are being paid to say that by the kale industry, to sell more kale.”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“It’s like looking for a particular needle, in a haystack made of needles.”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“implied he had learned of a galaxy-shattering disaster on the level of a Nickleback reunion tour.”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“If you don’t schedule time to maintain your equipment, the equipment will schedule the time for you.”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“Like when you accidentally drink decaf coffee in the morning, you still get a little jolt of energy? Then the energy wears off fast, as your body realizes the drink tasted like real coffee, but you got played.”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“This time, I expressed that radius in kilometers, lightseconds, football fields, and-” “Wait, you defined the radius by football fields?” “Yes, because you Americans will do pretty much anything to avoid using the Metric system. Would you prefer I use the height of a giraffe, of the length of a banana, rather than the length of a football field?”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“Everywhere I go, I spread peace and harmony.” Skippy laughed. “Peace and harmony by the megaton!”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“Peace and harmony by the megaton!”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“and more importantly, because he had worked on the developing the cross-dimensional transmitters.”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“Mommy told us that when bad shit goes down, we should do whatever Daddy says.” “Uh,” I blinked. “That is-” Jeremy added, “Mommy also said if Daddy is involved, bad shit will go down.”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath

“Mommy also says it’s not your fault, because the Universe has a hard-on for screwing with you.” My eyes grew wide. “Your mother said that to you?” “No,” Rene shrugged. “We heard her talking about you, to one of her friends.”
― Craig Alanson, Aftermath