A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage Quotes

“Marriage was a gamble. We all knew that. You were cashing in your chips on someone you hoped you didn’t hate twenty years down the line. We all change; we just had to hope that we would change in sync, in parallel.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Maybe the whole trouble was that I had been expecting too much of him. After all, he was a man.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I never felt lonelly, until I realized how complete I felt with Fox by my side.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“They weren't interested in me when it came to my actual life, only how it might affect their lives.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I’d discovered you didn’t need to be an actual serial killer to want to enact serious bodily harm upon anyone who threatened your child.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I just needed to grit my teeth and get through this. Fox hadn’t turned up. Matty was dead. And all men were arseholes. I could only rely on myself. And I was pretty awesome. I was a serial killer. An avenging angel. What was a little speech when I once killed a man with nothing but roaring aggression and a broken plate?”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“If I’d known marriage was just having a housemate to share childcare with, I would’ve at least picked someone with the same taste in TV.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I think homelessness has always been a problem. Perhaps you’ve just never noticed it before because it wasn’t on your doorstep?” Raquel put a hand to her mouth. “You’re totally right, Haze. I am so sorry I didn’t check my white privilege.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Not long after we’d moved here, when at a dinner at Caro’s house, I’d given one explanation for what the + in LGBTQIA+ stood for and just like that I’d been established as the neighborhood expert on anything “woke.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“It was good to know that there was no minimum age when it came to getting a kick out of exerting my power and instilling fear.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Later, when Jenny had taken Felix to “poo corner” to relieve himself, the little bully from earlier ran past me. I stuck out my leg and watched as he tripped over it. He barely touched the ground, but the shock was enough to make him snivel. I went to help him up. “Oh, it’s okay, little man!” I said loudly. I leaned down and whispered, “Every time you hit someone, something bad will happen to you.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I shrugged. “I guess people like talking to me?” “Really? I’m surprised at that. You give…quite strong fuck-off vibes.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I walked downstairs to a waiting Helga. She looked at me. “Book club?” “We…we have to dress as one of the characters.” “I won’t ask what book.” I paused, then: “Thank you.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“You could live your life perfectly contained in your bubble of self-involvement. But parenthood popped it. You had to look around and see everything for what it was. What you were. What was good enough for you was not good enough for your children.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“The club was heaving. The music was terrible. I wanted to leave immediately.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Where were the great love stories of a long-term relationship? Maybe those were too complicated, too boring. Easier to end with a simple “Happily ever after,” a glossy summary of a lifetime together with no insight into how they coped after THE END.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“It was just the two of us for so long, and I know all these changes have taken some adjusting to. But I think it’s time to add someone else into the mix. Someone who will help take our marriage back to where it should be.” Was he planning a threesome or saying we needed a shrink?”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Her PMS had definitely gotten worse since Bibi—I’d once had the bravery to comment on it and her response was if I wasn’t going to let her stab people then “what the fuck did I expect?”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I’ll be back soon…I…I ran out of Tampax.” “I got you a new box yesterday.” “Do you know how quickly we go through these things?” I needed an excuse. If it meant making my husband think women changed tampons every hour, then so be it.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“But I wasn’t going to kill Bill.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Friendship was a wonderful thing. It was so much easier to destroy someone when you had all the inside info you could hope for.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“A police badge never magically made a bad man good—it made him worse. He’d use it to help him do more, get away with more.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“My phone beeped. Your Uber is arriving. Saved by a Toyota Prius.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I had found my Mr. Right to help me take out all those Mr. Wrongs.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“An offering from the gods: a bad man to pay the price for all the bad men before him. It was beautiful. It was what I needed. It was what this world needed. One less scumbag.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I wanted everything. I wanted a happy, healthy child who was well-balanced and grounded and grew up to cure cancer because she was just that fucking spectacular. I wanted to be my real, true self, the one who could hurt bad men, make good art, and get home for a hot dinner and hotter sex.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“What the fuck? Is that what we are now? Not equals, but instead I’m the little woman who can’t swear too much, as it’s unseemly? Get fucked, you fucking fuck.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“It was fine. I was sure I wouldn’t be the first person to google “how do you know if your marriage is shit.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Maybe this was what life in the suburbs was like. Anyone who looked too happy was about to die or clearly cheating.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Hunt, kill, hold hands. That was our love language, and we knew exactly how to keep the passion burning bright. Our date nights weren’t like other people’s date nights.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage