A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage Quotes

“I had found my Mr. Right to help me take out all those Mr. Wrongs.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Maybe the whole trouble was that I had been expecting too much of him. After all, he was a man.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Her PMS had definitely gotten worse since Bibi—I’d once had the bravery to comment on it and her response was if I wasn’t going to let her stab people then “what the fuck did I expect?”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Marriage was a gamble. We all knew that. You were cashing in your chips on someone you hoped you didn’t hate twenty years down the line. We all change; we just had to hope that we would change in sync, in parallel.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I just needed to grit my teeth and get through this. Fox hadn’t turned up. Matty was dead. And all men were arseholes. I could only rely on myself. And I was pretty awesome. I was a serial killer. An avenging angel. What was a little speech when I once killed a man with nothing but roaring aggression and a broken plate?”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I shrugged. “I guess people like talking to me?” “Really? I’m surprised at that. You give…quite strong fuck-off vibes.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I’ll be back soon…I…I ran out of Tampax.” “I got you a new box yesterday.” “Do you know how quickly we go through these things?” I needed an excuse. If it meant making my husband think women changed tampons every hour, then so be it.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I wanted everything. I wanted a happy, healthy child who was well-balanced and grounded and grew up to cure cancer because she was just that fucking spectacular. I wanted to be my real, true self, the one who could hurt bad men, make good art, and get home for a hot dinner and hotter sex.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“What the fuck? Is that what we are now? Not equals, but instead I’m the little woman who can’t swear too much, as it’s unseemly? Get fucked, you fucking fuck.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“It was fine. I was sure I wouldn’t be the first person to google “how do you know if your marriage is shit.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“While there were women out there in public, demonstrating and shouting #metoo, I was hiding in the shadows, killing and whispering #youtoo.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“We all had secrets, so who was I to judge? Especially as my secrets were fourteen dead men. Yes, you read that right. Fourteen. But you know what? They all deserved it.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Oh God, we were bonding. Needy Jenny was going to become my friend, wasn’t she?”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“ridiculous. All the things us girls are taught: avoid dark places, don’t have headphones on, wear modest clothes, be on the lookout, view every man as a threat. Men had never been given any such lessons; they’d blindly follow a strange woman anywhere, such was their desperation to get their rocks off and their deep-seated belief they were invincible. There could be a sign on the door saying “Torture Chamber,” the sounds of rattling chains and knives sharpening, and they’d still skip in there, unbuckling their belts.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“They didn’t know fear, as they’d never had to face it.
The world was theirs for the taking. Women were the ones who had to be careful— to not put our safety at risk, to not take up too much room, to not make our voices too loud.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“This was new for me. Helping women with words, not weapons.
The PG-13 version of revenge. Yawn.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“If you're the rose, I'm the thorn.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I never felt lonelly, until I realized how complete I felt with Fox by my side.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“They weren't interested in me when it came to my actual life, only how it might affect their lives.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I’d discovered you didn’t need to be an actual serial killer to want to enact serious bodily harm upon anyone who threatened your child.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“If I’d known marriage was just having a housemate to share childcare with, I would’ve at least picked someone with the same taste in TV.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I think homelessness has always been a problem. Perhaps you’ve just never noticed it before because it wasn’t on your doorstep?” Raquel put a hand to her mouth. “You’re totally right, Haze. I am so sorry I didn’t check my white privilege.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Not long after we’d moved here, when at a dinner at Caro’s house, I’d given one explanation for what the + in LGBTQIA+ stood for and just like that I’d been established as the neighborhood expert on anything “woke.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“It was good to know that there was no minimum age when it came to getting a kick out of exerting my power and instilling fear.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Later, when Jenny had taken Felix to “poo corner” to relieve himself, the little bully from earlier ran past me. I stuck out my leg and watched as he tripped over it. He barely touched the ground, but the shock was enough to make him snivel. I went to help him up. “Oh, it’s okay, little man!” I said loudly. I leaned down and whispered, “Every time you hit someone, something bad will happen to you.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“I walked downstairs to a waiting Helga. She looked at me. “Book club?” “We…we have to dress as one of the characters.” “I won’t ask what book.” I paused, then: “Thank you.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“You could live your life perfectly contained in your bubble of self-involvement. But parenthood popped it. You had to look around and see everything for what it was. What you were. What was good enough for you was not good enough for your children.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“The club was heaving. The music was terrible. I wanted to leave immediately.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“Where were the great love stories of a long-term relationship? Maybe those were too complicated, too boring. Easier to end with a simple “Happily ever after,” a glossy summary of a lifetime together with no insight into how they coped after THE END.”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage

“It was just the two of us for so long, and I know all these changes have taken some adjusting to. But I think it’s time to add someone else into the mix. Someone who will help take our marriage back to where it should be.” Was he planning a threesome or saying we needed a shrink?”
― Asia Mackay, A Serial Killer's Guide to Marriage