Koolaids Quotes

“I wonder if being sane means disregarding the chaos that is life, pretending only an infinitesimal segment of it is reality.”
― Rabih Alameddine, Koolaids: The Art of War

“Saint Francis de Salle, not the real Saint Francis with the cute birds and animals, wrote that in his book Introduction to the Devout Life, which talked about how bad sex was in four large volumes. It earned Francis here a sainthood. All I can say is, I am glad I’m not Christian. For us Muslims, we just stone adulterers to death, which is much more humane than guilt.”
― Rabih Alameddine, Koolaids

“Translation is so important. The new American translations of the Bible sound like a Judith Krantz novel.”
― Rabih Alameddine, Koolaids

“Once upon a time there was an island visited by ruin and inhabited by strange peccant creatures. “It’s a sad place,” I say, “and too much like my own life.” He nods. “You mean, the losing struggle against inscrutable blind forces, young dreams brought to ruin.” “Yes,” I tell Coover, “my young dreams are gone. I lost the struggle a long, long time ago.”
― Rabih Alameddine, Koolaids

“America entered the Lebanese Civil War. It paid the price. Two hundred marines were killed by one Shiite. Reagan pulled the troops and avoided discussing Lebanon. Lebanon, like AIDS, was hardly ever mentioned by our president.”
― Rabih Alameddine, Koolaids

“Laura answered the door. She tried to smile welcome. Not an easy task. Eyes puffed, skin pallid, shirt stained. Taking care of her brother was draining the life out of her. Succubus in action.”
― Rabih Alameddine, Koolaids

“When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour, which was really a good thing because any kind of noise would make the soufflé drop, and there is nothing worse than a flaccid soufflé, is there, Jezebel darling? Fallen! Fallen is the great soufflé! Fallen! Fallen is Babylon the Great! From the sky huge hailstones of about a hundred pounds each fell upon men. And they cursed God on account of the plague of hail and the fallen soufflé.”
― Rabih Alameddine, Koolaids

“Death comes in many shapes and sizes, but it always comes. No one escapes the little tag on the big toe. The four horsemen approach. The rider on the red horse says, “This good and faithful servant is ready. He knoweth war.” The rider on the black horse says, “This good and faithful servant is ready. He knoweth plague.” The rider on the pale horse says, “This good and faithful servant is ready. He knoweth death.” The rider on the white horse says, “Fuck this good and faithful servant. He is a non-Christian homosexual, for God’s sake. You brought me all the way out here for a fucking fag, a heathen. I didn’t die for this dingbat’s sins.” The irascible rider on the white horse leads the other three lemmings away. The hospital bed hurts my back.”
― Rabih Alameddine, Koolaids