Better by Far Quotes

“This is why the cloak of grief hangs so heavy; it’s not one cloak, but two. And on days when I can hardly move under the weight of it, I remind myself that grief and love are intricately woven together, and healing isn’t about shedding one or the other, it’s about becoming strong enough to bear them both. This pain is a productive pain, a fortifying pain, no different to the itchy ache of bones that knit together after breaking. And just like broken bones need rest, so too do hearts. Like days when the words won’t come, I see these pauses now as part of the process. With life, as with art, there’s the in breath, the out breath, and the space in between. And this is where I feel you most, in the space between breath.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“She sees me sitting quietly and starts chatting to me, taking my silence as an indication of inactivity when it’s exactly the opposite; the stiller I seem on the surface, the deeper I’m diving inside myself for treasure.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“How odd that the language of grief is one of loss—people describe feeling empty, hollow, carved out—when for me, grief is heavy. There’s a weight to it. A density.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“The stories we tell ourselves often cause us more pain than the truth ever could.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“Every couple thinks that they discovered love. Invented it, even. I only claim to have known love that night. To have known it. And to have lost it.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“Today, unsatisfied with simply weighing me down, grief finds a way to slip inside me, filling me up like some tar-like creature that clogs my throat and lungs and crams itself into the cavities between my organs. You’ve only been gone a few hours and already I am turgid with the lack of you.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“The grief glitch, I call it: those little lapses—usually between sleeping and waking, or when you're fully focused on another task—when you forget that someone is gone and you're forced to remind yourself. It's like receiving the news all over again.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“Grief" doesn't even come close-its paltry five letters no less crude a symbol of the thing they are supposed to represent than a stick-figure drawing of a person; they lack all the nuance, magnitude, and magic of the real thing.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“Minutes, hours, days, all spiraled inexorably inwards, endlessly elongated by the brutal pull of that tiny, terrifying iris, that ineluctable instant, from which no light or life could possibly escape.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“It’s one thing to complain about the life you have and another thing altogether to describe the one you lost. There’s more strength in vulnerability than there is in battling through.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“I believe that with seven billion people knocking about, there’s bound to be at least a couple hundred you could happily spend the rest of your life with. Some of whom you’ll never meet. Some of whom you’ll meet at the wrong time. And some of whom you’ll meet and never even know you met.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“What if it was love at first sight? What if Finn was your soulmate?” “Okay, firstly, I think we’ve proven he wasn’t. But secondly, I don’t believe in love at first sight. And I don’t believe in soulmates. I believe that with seven billion people knocking about, there’s bound to be at least a couple hundred you could happily spend the rest of your life with. Some of whom you’ll never meet. Some of whom you’ll meet at the wrong time. And some of whom you’ll meet and never even know you met.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“Give me autumn any day. Give me precious days made more precious by encroaching night, and halos of lamplight through fine rain. Give me crisp orange leaves that crunch underfoot, hands warmed by hot chocolate in thick ceramic mugs, and people planted firmly next to log fires, their bodies blocking the heat for the rest of us. Give me pumpkins and candles and kids heaving stolen shopping trolleys up muddy hills, full of wood for the bonfire.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“Loving someone means that their absence would make you sad, but their presence doesn’t necessarily make you happy.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“I was trapped in the space between grief and healing, no longer the person I was, not yet the person I would be, with no choice but to endure it.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“What I wanted to say then was that your anger scares me. And that my instinctive response-- to shrink back and pacify you -- only makes you feel smaller and therefore more vulnerable. So I make myself bigger; I meet you where you are even though I don't want to, just so I can feel less afraid.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“There’s an Irish word—beacht—that can mean many different things: a circle, a ring, a certainty, but also perfectly, entirely, forever. This moon is what that word was made for.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“You must be starving. Can I make you a sandwich?"
I swear to God, he actually offers me a sandwich.
"Jesus Christ!" I screech.
"Well, I don't know what to say, Katie! When I was sad, my mammy would make me a sandwich."
And there it is. When he was sad, his mammy would make him a sandwich.
It isn't enough to forgive him. But it is enough to understand him. And I suppose understanding is the first step towards forgiveness.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“the Celts didn't fear the dark, they celebrated it, believing that each day started at sunset, that darkness brought forth magic and rebirth, and that only in a space of complete nothingness were all things possible.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“Laughter comes easily in this place. I remember that, as well. The pair of you, howling in the kitchen late at night, sharing a bottle of Baileys and ancient jokes that only sisters know. Screeching as you ran along the shoreline or leapt hand in hand with me over huge west-coast waves.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“This why is much more dangerous. This why has me disregarding the evidence entirely and entertaining the theory that you were perfect, everything was great, and I was just incapable of enjoying it. The junkie in me especially likes this theory, because if I was the problem, then maybe there’s still hope.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“I savoured every heartbeat, every rise and fall of your chest under my hand, not allowing myself to drift off in case I missed even a moment of this night, which I knew would be our last. I stared at you, your profile vaguely backlit by the pale glow of a waxing moon outside, and I tried to memorise the topography of your face: tired eyes tracing your chin, your nose, your forehead, the peaks and troughs of this terrain I’ve come to know as home.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“I was writing the end of us before it had happened.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“If I’m honest, I’m disappointed that the feathers ever fooled you.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“Give me autumn any day. Give me precious days made more precious by encroaching night, and halos of lamplight through fine rain. Give me crisp orange leaves that crunch underfoot, hands warmed by hot chocolate in thick ceramic mugs, and people planted firmly next to log fires, their bodies blocking the heat for the rest of us.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far

“With life, as with art, there's the in breath, the out breath, and the space in between. And this is where I feel you most, in the space between breath.”
― Hazel Hayes, Better by Far