True to You Quotes

“ACTING RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONE OFTEN LOOKS LIKE: Assuming you know what they think. Trying never to upset them. Instantly dropping everything to help them. Trying to manage their distress. Telling them how to function. Teaching others how to interact with them. Discouraging their independent functioning. BEING RESPONSIBLE TO SOMEONE COULD LOOK LIKE: Being curious about their thinking. Being honest about your interests, beliefs, and challenges. Showing up for important events. Letting them know when something isn’t okay. Respecting the boundaries they set. Being responsible for managing your own distress. Letting others be in charge of themselves. Promoting their independent functioning.”
― Kathleen Smith, True to You: A Therapist's Guide to Stop Pleasing Others and Start Being Yourself

“A decision with less self is automatic and rooted in emotion. One with more self has that heartbeat or two’s worth of time when you can ask yourself, What is my responsibility here?”
― Kathleen Smith, True to You: A Therapist's Guide to Stop Pleasing Others and Start Being Yourself

“A LESS DIFFERENTIATED PERSON: Ignores the role their own emotional reactivity plays in relationships. Works on appeasing others instead of managing themselves. Treats people like they are incapable. Treats relationship challenges like they are impending catastrophes. A MORE DIFFERENTIATED PERSON: Observes their own reactivity and its influence. Works on managing self rather than managing others. Treats people like they are capable. Can take on relationship challenges with more curiosity.”
― Kathleen Smith, True to You: A Therapist's Guide to Stop Pleasing Others and Start Being Yourself