Bridesmaid for Hire Quotes

“Now I’m going to change in front of you, okay? I’m not about to hop around putting on a linen suit near a toilet in a small stall. That just screams disaster waiting to happen. But I have to warn you, I’m wearing nude colored boxer briefs. Jaleesa picked them out for me. Said I couldn’t wear black with cream linen pants. But fucking nude? They make me look like a goddamn Ken doll, no dick, just a flat crotch. Not a fan. Just warning you so you’re not startled.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“So, it’s time to blast Taylor Swift’s “The Man” in my head and do what I need to do…use Brody McFadden for my benefit.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“Six seven”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“Otemanu”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“She was addictive. And I wasn’t going to fall for that addiction. There’s the unwritten code that you don’t go after your best friend’s sister, mainly because if that relationship goes sour, how are you supposed to be friends after that? You can’t. And Gary is my man, so like I said, I wasn’t falling for that temptation.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“Everyone, this is Brody and his girlfriend, Maggie. I interned with Brody back in the day. And Maggie will be filling in as the third bridesmaid, which we are very grateful for.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“Yup, you’ve guessed it, Maggie Mitchell is my dream girl. The crush I’ve harbored and repressed for years slips free,”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“I can either be your assistant in this insane mission…or I can be your worst enemy. Take your pick.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“I am the proud owner of Magical Moments by Maggie, an up-and-coming event planning business in San Francisco.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“Sometimes we’re dealt cards in our life that are harder to shuffle through than expected. And sometimes you’re stuck on a small Polynesian island with no other option than to pretend the person you hate most in the entire world is actually your boyfriend…”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“And that in a nutshell sums up my relationship with Brody McFadden. The bane of my existence. My current nightmare. And my brother’s best friend.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“I think I’m just impatient at this point. I want to be in that moment, walking down the aisle, looking at him and knowing he’ll be mine forever.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“First game, both lying on their backs, pinkies linked.” Jesus, not the pinkies linked. “Second game, back-to-back, rotating every half inning so they don’t strain their necks.” That one just makes sense. “Third game, they feed each other potato salad every inning. That one’s disgusting to witness.” We keep a cooler to the side so it doesn’t get warm, not that you were asking. “Fourth game…hmm, what do they, oh yeah. They pretend their feet are phones and ring each other up every inning to call in the inning’s plays.” That one we could have left out. “Fifth, sixth, and seventh, those are up for grabs. But if they do reach game seven, they have to wear their clothes backward with their underwear on the outside and sing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“But one thing is for sure—the line between love and hate is very thin,”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“The loss of a dream. It’s all crashing around me at the same time and I don’t understand why. I’ve put in the time. I’ve put in the work. I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do, and yet…I’ve never felt more like a failure. I’ve never felt more alone.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“Hattie: How the hell did you accomplish that much in a few hours? Maggie: I’m efficient, you know this about me.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“I will never understand the importance someone feels when their wallet is heavier than the average person. To me, we’re all equal, and what divides us as a species is the patience and understanding we carry in our hearts.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“Who is Patricia Arquette?” Gary shouts. “What is the pitchfork?” the contestant and Patricia say at the same time. Gary winces.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“What is All Souls Day,” the contestant on the TV says, getting the answer right. Gary slaps his leg and turns his attention to me.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“I join them in the living room where they’re watching an episode of Jeopardy! Gary is terrible, but the way he shouts his answers with confidence, you have to give the man credit. “But⁠—” “What is yellow corn?” Gary shouts.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“Maggie: That penis is unignorable. God, Hattie, I can still feel it on my face. It was so stiff, like…like I was sleeping on a PVC pipe.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“I can confirm there is a beefy stick of salami between his legs, and it has my mouth watering.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“Oh my God, Brody. Did you make out with poop?”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“I let out an uproarious sneeze…right into his crack.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“Your ass is on my face!”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“And are we not eating carbs to get to that point in the formation of our bodies? Because I’ve tried eating salads for a month with no dressing and it did nothing other than make me cranky and horrible to be around.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“And honestly, the only thing that I care about is you. I’m distracted by you. I can’t think with you around. And whenever I see you, my mind goes blank, my heart thumps in my chest, and all I want to do is hold you…even when we’re not pretending.” I swallow hard. “I like you, okay? And I don’t think that feeling is going to just stop. I think it’s here to stay.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“But she seems to be on a roll of not giving a fuck. “If the Rebels make it to the World Series, Brody and Gary are required to perform the following rituals in this order. First game, both lying on their backs, pinkies linked.” Jesus, not the pinkies linked. “Second game, back-to-back, rotating every half inning so they don’t strain their necks.” That one just makes sense. “Third game, they feed each other potato salad every inning. That one’s disgusting to witness.” We keep a cooler to the side so it doesn’t get warm, not that you were asking. “Fourth game…hmm, what do they, oh yeah. They pretend their feet are phones and ring each other up every inning to call in the inning’s plays.” That one we could have left out. “Fifth, sixth, and seventh, those are up for grabs. But if they do reach game seven, they have to wear their clothes backward with their underwear on the outside and sing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ before every inning while holding hands and spinning around in circles.” Well…fuck. That’s pretty damning. And for the record, I carry that song for the both of us. Gary has an awful voice, and I should be sainted for dealing with his off-pitch singing.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“I sink into this moment, savoring what I’ve lost and found again. This love. This woman. This bond that we seem to have, thar we hid and denied for so long.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“He glares at me for a moment, those dark brown eyes like spotlights, examining every inch of me.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire