I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails. Quotes

“Instead of finding myself in the future, I traveled about fifty metres along the sidewalk at 200mph before finding myself in a bush. When asked by the nurse filling out the hospital accident reports 'Cause of accident?' I stated, 'time travel attempt' but she wrote down 'stupidity'.”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“I was commissioned to write copy for an annual publication produced by Top Tourist Parks of Australia. After a print run of seventy-five thousand and distribution throughout Australia and New Zealand, it was discovered that I had left the letter v out of the word 'dive' and the introduction for a family beach resort activity read, "Die with your children. A new world awaits.”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“It is not necessary to attempt a resolution when it is self-resolving.”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“I was taught never to make a threat unless you are prepared to carry it out and I am not a fan of carrying anything.”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“The four seasons in Australia consist of "fuck it's hot," "Can you believe how fucking hot it is?", "I won't be in today because it is too fucking hot" and "Yes, the dinner plate size spiders come inside to escape from the heat. That is a fucking whopper though.”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“Charity is detrimental unless it helps the recipient become independent of it.”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“read about five monkeys once that were placed in a room with a banana at the top of a set of stairs. As one monkey attempted to climb the stairs, all of the monkeys were sprayed with jets of cold water. A second monkey made an attempt and again the monkeys were sprayed. No more monkeys attempted to climb the stairs. One of the monkeys was then removed from the room and replaced with a new monkey. The new monkey saw the banana and started to climb the stairs but, to its surprise, it was attacked by the other monkeys. Another of the original monkeys was replaced and the newcomer was also attacked when he attempted to climb the stairs. The previous newcomer took part in the punishment with enthusiasm. A third replacement monkey headed for the stairs and was attacked as well. Half of the monkeys that attacked him had no idea why. After replacing the fourth and fifth original monkeys, none had ever been sprayed with cold water but every single one of them stayed the fuck away from the stairs. Being here longer than me doesn't automatically make your adherence to a rule, or the rule itself, right. It makes you the fifth replacement monkey. The one with the weird red arse and the first to point and screech when anyone approaches the stairs. I would be the sixth monkey, at home in bed trying to come up with a viable excuse not to spend another fruitless day locked in a room with five neurotic monkeys.”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“Is the guy in the wheelchair in Glee acting or is he a real parallelogram?”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“I once tried to implement an office procedure where, at 4.30pm each day, everyone would insult each other for fifteen minutes and then, for the last fifteen minutes of each day, apologise to each person for what had been said. This way, everyone would leave happy with all issues sorted. It did not go down well.  Two formal complaints were made and the secretary locked herself in the toilet and cried.   Also,”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.

“While it could be argued that a document pertaining to the needs of a young society might not necessarily mirror the needs of that society two-hundred years later, having something to wave around during a debate to save constructing your own rationalisations must be quite handy.”
― David Thorne, I'll Go Home Then, It's Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.