Lingus Quotes

“So, what you're trying to say is you wouldn't let him fertilize your flower?" Nikki snorted. Zoey made a stupid noise that sounded like a cough and a choke. "You wouldn't let him hide his salami?" "Pump gas into your tank?" "Hibernate in your cave?" "Catch a ride on the Kitty Kat Express?" "Tenderize your meat?”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“Who was that?" she asked me when we were a couple of booths down. "Some guy who caught me pulling my underwear out of my crack.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“I'd do this all over again a hundred times as long as I met you in the end.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“What the fuck was wrong with me, I wondered. I wished there was a version of Pepto Bismol for verbal diarrhea, because I'd invest in it. My”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“My name is Kat Berger, and I love porn. There is nothing wrong with enjoying watching two people fuck.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“when did Anakin's Jedi teachers know he was going bad? In the Sith grade.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“Jesus Christ. He was wearing a suit for once, a dark gray ensemble that looked tailored to fit his wide shoulders, full arms, slim hips, and muscular thighs. How the hell did he go through the day without getting slipped a Rohypnol by every woman he came in contact with?”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“Why does Leia wear buns on her head? In case she gets hungry in a Senate meeting!”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“I asked the sweet Lord Jesus to bless me with the power of invisibility, at least for a few minutes.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“Real life didn't allow things to happen when you expected them or needed them to. Wrong moments, wrost timing, and dealing with tough situations were a natural part of life.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“Which star wars character works at a restaurant? Darth waiter ha ha ha!”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“Kat! Look at this!" my best friend squealed, turning around, holding a huge glass dildo in her hand. Oh, my God. How did I ever let her drag me to a fucking porn convention?”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“Zoey gasped then, putting a small hand against her negative 32AAA boobies. "No!”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“I'm going to break into your room when you're sleeping at night and take a shit on your face if you ever forget to hold the door open for another person again.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“It wasn't until my third lap of the room that I realized people were probably smiling at me so much because of the big lettering on my credential that said ‘Performer.’ Shit.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“Tristan was many things. He was smoking hot, but also beautiful. He was also funny, smart, a jackass, and compassionate, among many other things. Two traits he was not: organized and neat. I'd been watching him fold his laundry for nearly twenty minutes, and I didn't know how I managed not scream”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“I knew better than anyone that life was unexpected and fast, and that you couldn't plan for anything. I mean, everything really did happen for a reason, even if it didn't make any sense.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“Friendship with him was easy and seamless to begin with and now with the addition of welcomed touches and kisses, our time together was just that much better.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“You," I said with a squeeze. "In." Another squeeze accompanied my words and I heard him suck in a breath, waiting for me to finish. For me to tell him what he wanted to hear. "An apron. I want you to make me a cupcake." A loud whoosh expelled from his lungs, followed by glaring in my direction. "You're cruel, and that's not something I can buy you.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“Then, I thought about those Durex XXLs sitting in his drawer again, and my face broke out in a wild blush. He stopped at the foot of the bed, looking at me intently before a knowing, tired grin spread across his pale face. "You opened up the wrong drawer, didn't you?" I hated him. "Did you raid a Trojan factory and steal their yearly supply?" I sputtered out instead of denying it.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“I started laughing like an idiot and then snorted too, like a full-blown hog for freak’s sake. We both laughed so hard at each other for our mirrored noises that he snorted again even louder and I followed as well. The porn con had officially become a farm.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“I wanted to ask him which whore in line was his friend, but I didn't.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus

“The eight bitches in front were all dressed up like trashy versions of country girls in microscopic cut-off jean shorts. If that wasn't bad enough, the old geezers behind us were wearing enough makeup to stock Sephora for at least six months.”
― Mariana Zapata, Lingus