My Big Fake Irish Life Quotes

“I chewed on my lower lip. There had to be a way around the red tape and this Irish lass was going to find it. ~ Perhaps the best way to slip through a system unnoticed is through confusion and disorganization. Where could I find both in one place? The Department of Motor Vehicles.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“My name is Linda Symcox—and I’m a lie-oholic. I came to Hollywood to work as an actress, but soon found out that I couldn’t get a decent audition, let alone a job. It seems I didn’t stand out enough.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“My name is Linda Symcox—and I’m a lie-oholic”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“Women can’t talk to men. That’s why God created girlfriends.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“Do you have any idea what it’s like giving birth? Of course you don’t, but I’m going to tell you. It’s like trying to push a watermelon through a peashooter! Only your head was more like the size of a pumpkin. I’d never seen such a big head on a baby girl. And what do you do with that big head of yours? You use it to go around deceiving people!”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“When I stepped into the trailer, I froze. The head of wardrobe was a guy—a very good-looking guy with ash blond hair, hazel eyes, and a body on him that would make my trainer proud. There was no way I was going to let this guy see any of my flaws. Of course, maybe I wouldn’t be dealing with him. Over the last two weeks, all of my wardrobe fittings had been with a woman. “Where’s Jackie?” I asked, hoping she was still assigned to me. “Oh, honey, that girl quit to go work on a Leonardo DiCaprio movie.” He threw his hip out as he flipped his hand in the air. “But can you blame her? Leo is way too hot to turn down. I’m Steve,” he said, putting his hand over his chest. “And I promise I’ll take much better care of you than Jackie.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“Well, as my da always says, ‘If ya have to say what ya are, ya aren”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“Bonnie Tedesco, Casting Director from Hell. One of my father’s sayings quickly came to mind. “Dynamite comes in small packages.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“I wondered how many Americans knew what states bordered Nebraska, especially when fifty percent of America’s high school students think New Mexico is a foreign country.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“You’re an American actress pretending to be an Irish actress playing an English actress who gets possessed by some German woman?”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“Being Irish was much better than having big boobs.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“Perhaps the best way to slip through a system unnoticed is through confusion and disorganization. Where could I find both in one place? The Department of Motor Vehicles. Before I went down to The Most Miserable Place on Earth, I decided to prep for it. I treated it like an audition. I spent an hour on my hair and makeup, and an additional twenty minutes picking out the perfect short dress. Now it was time for some Irish charm.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“I heard the high-pitched stabbing music from the shower scene in Psycho as my name seemed to grow bigger and bigger before my eyes. I slammed my checkbook shut. “Jesus, Mary and Joseph!”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“Up to this point, my whole life had been pretty ordinary. And here I was, feeling like I’d stepped into a movie, pretending to be something I wasn’t. And these people with whom I interacted, these characters in my movie, were believing it. June and Mark actually thought I was Meghan O’Connell from Galway, Ireland. I let out a big laugh.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“Well, your father always says that if you have to say what you are, you aren”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“Irish”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“I jerked back. “You had sex here? On our table? The one I’m currently eating off of?” She smiled, nodding. “Well, we were eating, too.” “Oh. TMI, Kell.” I was suddenly horrified, knowing that Kelly wasn’t the least bit familiar with cleaning supplies. I pushed away from the table.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“Sven, “the Swede” who had a detectable Brooklyn accent, talked the entire time. He was beyond excited about my makeover and wouldn’t let me look until he was finished. It was that dramatic. Finally, he squealed, “Are you ready, little one?” I glanced up at Sven. He was so wound up, he could barely contain himself. Though he was very tall and extremely blond, he reminded me of Martin Short’s character in Father of the Bride.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“Philip, I just love your accent,” the casting director cooed as she looked over his rather blank résumé. “We can always use someone like you.” While Philip continued to form a bond with the powerful and influential casting director, the girl next to me leaned over and whispered, “It’s amazing what a little accent can do for your career.” “I know.” I watched in awe. “I wish I had an accent.” My heart stilled as the answer to my five-year question hit me smack in the face.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“the family dog. Xena, Warrior Princess is an adorable nine-year-old, overweight, miniature dachshund. And yes, she gets offended if you don’t call her by her full name.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“I’d just have to lie. I didn’t think I’d be struck dead if I told one itty-bitty lie. Perhaps a flat tire, an unforeseen gas leak in my apartment, the death of my third cousin twice removed? Of course, I could no longer use any of these excuses, due to the fact that they actually happened, and all in a short span of two weeks.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life

“My heart was in my throat. What if my boss, author of How To Be A Tyrant Without Even Trying, discovered I was gone? I’d be dead, that’s what. Stu Savitch had never given anyone a break and I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to be his first.”
― Caitlin McKenna, My Big Fake Irish Life