If Only I'd Known Quotes

“post-traumatic growth.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“the people who dislike your boundaries are the same ones who benefit from your lack of boundaries.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“Narcissistic women use their assumed innocent status to their advantage, pretending to be meek, submissive, and even scared of their partners when talking to others while being aggressive, domineering, and controlling behind closed doors.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“Almost nothing brings narcissists more power than giving you the silent treatment. The silent treatment8 is an abrupt refusal to communicate with the intent to hurt, manipulate, or control the other person. Silent treatments can take many forms, ranging from refusing to communicate at all to continually evading questions or attempts to resolve or discuss issues.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“They hate your punctuality because it highlights their tardiness. They hate your dependability because it reveals their inconsistencies. They hate your honesty because it contradicts their lies. They hate your authenticity because it jeopardizes their false image. They hate your boundaries because it blocks their ability to manipulate you. This is why they diminish your achievements (e.g., “Anyone could do that.”), make fun of your emotions (e.g., “You’re so sensitive.”), and disregard your requests (e.g., “Nothing is ever good enough for you.”). For narcissists, contempt keeps them in control. They say things like, “You couldn’t even figure that out?” “Are you seriously that desperate?” or “What kind of person would think/say/do that?”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“Narcissists lie regardless of the evidence.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“Because narcissism is a personality trait that exhibits relatively predictable patterns of behavior over time, calling someone a “narcissist” is a descriptive term, not a diagnosis.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“If narcissists can successfully distract you from the initial issue, they don’t have to be held accountable for their actions or explain themselves.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“Narcissists say what they want, when they want, how they want, and expect you to get over it quite quickly. For example, narcissists will cheat on you and expect things to go back to normal within a few weeks. They will say incredibly hurtful things in an argument, throw a “sorry” at you later, and expect your hurt feelings to subside immediately.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“Narcissists say what they want, when they want, how they want, and expect you to get over it quite quickly.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“Feeling not enough is the mantra for narcissistic relationships. They leave you feeling broken, depressed, anxious, hypervigilant, foggy, stuck, and bruised to your soul. They extract the goodness from your heart, the light out of your world, and the belief in anything good. They make you question yourself, doubt your reality, second-guess every decision, and ruminate over every interaction and conversation. They make you lose … you.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“Years of feeling broken led me to eventually break.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“For example, if a narcissist cheats on you, and you become angry and upset, they only see your actions and emotions, not what they did to provoke that reaction. That’s why narcissists can gaslight, blame-shift, and criticize you regardless of what they do. Because narcissists refuse to take their actions into consideration, they’re left with no one to blame for their problems, issues, and difficulties … but you.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“If you were abused, neglected, or overlooked in your household growing up, being treated like this again in adulthood can be excruciatingly painful, as it triggers the same feelings of abandonment, invisibility, and insignificance.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“Rigid boundaries are inflexible, isolating, and overly self-protective. When your boundaries are too rigid, you keep people at a distance, don’t share even when it’s safe to, avoid getting too close, and rarely, if ever, ask for help. You isolate and avoid people because you don’t know how to feel safe when you’re around others. Think of rigid boundaries like a closed door with no handle: nothing is getting in or out.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“Behavioral Warning Signs “I literally lost myself. I literally couldn’t recognize myself. I had acne, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, I had no idea what was going on.” –April When you’re in a narcissistic relationship, you lose sight of you—the things you used to do, the goals you used to set, the places you used to go, and the person you used to be. So much of your mental, emotional, and physical energy is devoted to managing the relationship, you no longer have the emotional bandwidth to explore your values, priorities, and purpose. Essentially, you’re living in an emotional war zone. Which means a lot of your attention and energy is focused on self-protection. And when you’re in self-protection, you don’t feel safe to be open, engaging, and social. And yet, many of our personal, professional, and life ambitions require us to be creative, imaginative, adaptable, expressive, resilient, dedicated, consistent, and motivated. Narcissistic relationships seep into your very being and threaten to change what you do and what you believe you can accomplish.”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“Here’s a visual overview of the warning signs:”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

“I had to ask, ‘Is this abuse?’ I really wasn’t sure. He sent me bunches of flowers to the house with gushing cards ‘to my beautiful, caring wife’ etc. By that point I had realized that his words had not matched his actions for years and saw them for what they were. False promises. Anything to get me back in. I wasn’t going to fall for his lies again.” –Miss B”
― Chelsey Brooke Cole, If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth