Blood Soaked and Contagious Quotes

“If I’m supposed to keep an eye on you, then I’ll be sleeping right here.” She pointed meaningfully at the sleeping bag. “What? In here? With me? In the same room?” “No, Frankie Stick-A-Butter, I’m going to hang from the pipes by my toes, fold my wings around me, and snore in your face all night.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“I intend to screw him until he is a dirty little nub on the floor, and we’re going to exchange our hearts with one another as a durable investment on that interaction.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“So much for the Bad-Ass Freelance Zombie Exterminator, brought down by the sad reality that he loves people and wants to be loved.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“Undead: low losses, had to relocate toward Route 29 in Arlington. Army: 100 fatalities, 31 wounded, and a genuine, gold-plated dunce cap.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“uninfected people should not be killed, willy-nilly—it offends me”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“If there had been a fly on the wall, watching us, it probably would have written a description much like this one. “Late afternoon, garage wall: gang of two-legged giant mammals making noise and nodding in unison like trained meerkats. Smaller mammal kneeling before a black box with bright colors. Perhaps this one is the Shaman and this is a religious ritual of some kind?”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“gratitude was expressed in shades of regret. Because every gift has a price you can’t see until later?”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“I suppose, somewhere in my hidden heart lies the twitching form of an adrenaline junkie-masochist with attention deficit disorder. Don’t tell anyone—they probably spray for people like me.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“I’m a liar, a cheat, and a killer. Another minute of your unbelievably erotic body underneath me and I won’t be able to be the honest man I want to be for you. Give me a little time, Charlie; let me give you the man I want to be for you, and then I will take the woman you want to give me.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“Gosh, sweetie! I infected you with the little wrigglers Bajali sent me! You’ll have horrible morning sickness, and in nine months, you’ll have a bouncing baby Cylon!”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“Busted. Owned. Bitch slapped. Bent over and filled with Cheez Whiz.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“I have never been vain. At least, I don’t think I have been. I simply prefer to meet new people without a week’s worth of beard, dried blood, crusty eyelashes, greasy hair, and body odor that would have made maggots barf.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“But my tub was more important. There are things a man simply must take a stand for, even at the expense of his own life.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“My dear friend, one tear or hundreds more mean very little to a woman in damp pants.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“Mona Lisa Lime Juice Smile;” just a hint of mirth, a gallon of bitterness, and a dash of spite, mixed with contempt and served cold.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“Depression grabbed me like a piranha on the testicles of an Amazonian warrior. I couldn’t tell where the pain was worse: my arm, my whole back, or my heart.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“The sound of your heart breaking is the voice of someone you care about telling you they don’t want you or need you. Don’t argue with me about that, because I know I’m right. I’ve been through it too many times, have too much data, and more scars than you.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“I hate to admit I was enjoying this experiment in naked confrontation. There are not many occasions in a fellow’s life when he gets to really dig into the primal meat of fighting for his life while not wearing a stitch of clothing and armed only with a knife and toilet bowl cleaner.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“Omura looked back and forth at all of us like a spectator at a tennis match, completely befuddled by all of it. “People, I realize I’m new here, but this seems like an incredibly strange conversation to be having in the aftermath of a zombie attack and cannibalistic healing, and while standing in the middle of the road surrounded by corpses. At night.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“First of all, we’d never met. Second of all, I’ve never even seen a photo of her. Shawn had never described her to me. She might have been some sort of radioactive redneck princess with three eyes, two rows of nipples, and perverted desires to hit men with bunnies. Third of all... there wasn’t a third reason.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“Being on the top floor of a building with a metal roof is like being on the inside of a steel drum in the Caribbean, but without the rum and bikinis.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“No such luck. She reached down, yanked him out by his turtleneck, and bent him over the rim of the cold bedpan. “All right. Let ‘er rip.” “I can’t.” I had no bravado left. Lady Scotzilla had me by the Happy Part and even my bladder was recoiling in revulsion.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“Nurse Cruickshank trundled off, thermometer gripped in her hand like she was expecting Klingons to appear from underneath the hospital beds. In my opinion, even if they had, she wouldn’t have needed to worry about anything. They would have either immediately started crooning love poetry or just prostrated themselves in respect for a terrible and vengeful Goddess.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“blinked a few times and realized I was starting to think like some sort of post-apocalyptic homeowners association director. Whether it was due to coming down off the endorphin high of having one of the enemy saunter into my home or because I really needed to eat something, I may never know.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious

“Brain spattered on asphalt doesn’t look very much like anything at all, especially if the asphalt is new. Older asphalt, gray and cracked from years in the sun, shows more of the fatty gelatinous smear but leeches away much of the color.”
― James Crawford, Blood Soaked and Contagious