Past Master Quotes

“Paul, there is something very slack about a future that will take a biting satire for a vapid dream.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“We have run out of tricks, but the people haven't run out of expecting tricks.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“Paul was coursing at fantastic speed towards the area where the little twin stars Rhium and Antirhium revolved around each other. “Hurry,” were his instructions; “they seem of no consequence, but they are the governor of the universe. Somebody is tampering with them.” Paul continued at his impossible speed and arrived at the area. He saw something that nobody had ever seen before, for nobody had ever been so close to them. The two small stars that revolved around each other were, joined together by a long steel chain. It was that which held them in their tight rapid orbits; it was that which made them the governor of the universe. Paul quickly located the trouble. There was a small green creature, with the body of .a monkey and the head of a gargoyle, cutting the chain with a hack-saw, and he had it near cut in two. “Pray that I be not too late!”
Paul prayed, and he believed he had made it when the sawyer-broke a blade. But he quickly replaced it with another, stuck his green tongue out at Paul, took three more strokes with the hack-saw, and the chain broke. Then Rhium and Antirhium swung out of their tight orbits, and the whole universe was out of control with its governor broken. Fifty billion billion stars went nova, and then blacked out to nothing. The universe had eaten itself and was gone forever. “I told you to hurry!” the space captain told Paul furiously as he came barreling up. Then the space captain’s face melted like wax and he was gone. “I did hurry,” Paul said. Then his own face melted like wax and he was gone also.
“Is it quite finished?” came the voice of old hawk-face Fabian Foreman. “If it is quite finished, then perhaps we can begin to construct a new universe. It’s all right. It worked out well. I meant you to be too late.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“What about Cathead?” Thomas asked the precis machine.
“Cathead is the cancer that is being excised from this world. It is the cancer because the inhabitants of Cathead regard themselves as individuals and believe in the importance of themselves. Yes, Cathead is quite large, the largest of the cities, larger even than Cosmopolis the capital. We will leave Cathead out of account here since it is not typical of Astrobe.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“They were the highly civilized people of Cosmopolis itself. It was a fools’ carnival indeed, all split into high-spirited warring factions spilling over into masquerade. Heads were broken, and people laughed, as if it had been a thousand years before. The “Ban and Beyond” people had their banners flying, and flying wedges of opponents, with and without mottos, pulled them down in a glorious melee. The “Sackcloth and Ashes” faction was marching and joking. The newly-appointed (or self-appointed) Metropolitan of Astrobe had put that whole world under interdict, until penance be done and until certain conditions should be fulfilled; and groups were making up and singing ballads about it. High Ladies of Astrobe dressed up like old crones and hawked candy heads and skulls in honor of the beheading tomorrow. Wooly Rams were found somewhere, and spitted and barbecued over the bonfires, about fifty people devouring each Wooly Ram as they tore it apart in pieces, half seared and half raw. The feast of the Wooly Ram had not been held on Astrobe for more than three hundred years, and only antiquarians could have known about it.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“Aye, a man’d be a fool to lose his head twice over the same thing,” Thomas mused, still looking more than half stubborn. “Of course I’ll sign.”
“He’d have to feel himself a little better than those around him to take up a challenge like that,” Foreman put in hurriedly as Thomas had already touched magnetic stylus to the form.
“He’d have to be a man of some pride.”
“I am a man of some pride,” Thomas said. “I do feel myself a little better than those around me, now that I really look at them.”
“He’d have to be a man who couldn’t be pushed and couldn’t be scared,” said Foreman.
“I say I’m such a man, even if it’s a lie. But I scare a little,” Thomas said.
“He’d have to be a man who’d stand his ground even if he were scared,” Foreman needled.
“He’d have to be quite a man to die for a point, even if he understood it only at the last minute, and then dimly. He’d have to be such a man-“
“Foreman, you fool, what are you up to?” Proctor demanded.
“Who pushed me into the corner the other time, Fabian?” Thomas asked softly. “Who required my head of me for his point?”
“If you’re granted another life, Thomas, you try to figure it out. Will he be writ as friend or enemy of you, do you think? On which side did he seem?”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“Foreman, you’re the historian,” Thomas said. “It’s tha same damned thing they killed me for the first time, isn’t it?”
“Same damned thing, Thomas.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“Pottscamp felt nothing; he was, of course, a machine without feeling. He had no conscience or compassion. This would not bother him at all.
It wouldn’t?
Then why did he-?
Then why did he-WHAT?
Sat on the ground and moaned and howled like an old Hebrew. And poured dust and ashes over his head.
You’re crazy. He really did that?
He really did that.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“And the people had begun to gather, tame people with a new wild look about them. Like wolves they were, and they snuffed and howled. Panlykonium reigned in Centrality Square, .and the air sparked with danger.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“I say no man ever before slew his friend mouthful of words.”
“And I say it has happened many times before. Consider the Assassinations, Thomas, you who are something of a critic of historical theses. Consider whether the Heroes have not more often been assassinated by friends than by enemies; consider whether some of them have not even been assassinated with their own consent.”
“I don’t consent.”
“If everything else has failed, if a program has fallen for such a silly nothing, if the hero would make a better hero when dead, then he was made a dead hero by his friends, for his own sake and the sake of his program. I could name a dozen clear cases of this, but I won’t; strong partisan feelings are still involved in some of them after the centuries. -”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“Not for thirty reigns have there been so many grand people in the court at Goslar at one time,” said he. “Strike a medal for it, man.”
“I don’t know how to strike a medal for it,” the man said.
“If you find someone who does, tell him to strike a medal for it,” the Emperor said. “Put my own fine hand on it, and the motto They Come To Me Like Eagles. Why, here is a dead saint from Old Earth, the Devil-kid of Astrobe, a necromancer of unlikely powers, a transcendent ansel, a priest of Saint Klingensmith, an avatar who burns up bodies, and pilot Paul who is a broken-faced old warlock. Not for thirty reigns have there been so many grand people at court at one time, and not for thirty reigns has there been so handsome an Emperor at the head of the court.”
“How long a time has the thirty reigns been?” Thomas asked him.
“It has been what we call a rapid year,” the Emperor said, “perhaps the most rapid ever.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“I know the look of a hunted man, even a defiant one. Surely there are not King’s Men on Astrobe who hunt down and kill.”
“No, they are different, Thomas. They are Programmed Mechanical Killers.”
“No, they are the same, Paul. King’s Men everywhere are programmed mechanical killers. But
I see that I will have to discover for myself the name of the real king of Astrobe.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“Es la muerte del demonio, buen Tomás. Al demonio hay que darle muerte cada día, dondequiera que se encuentre. Si un día fallamos, nuestras horas estarán llegando a su fin.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master

“Creo plenamente en la santa pobreza, pero aseguro que la miseria es como la bebida; un poco resulta estimulante y constructiva; demasiado es denigrante y horrible.”
― R.A. Lafferty, Past Master