The Laugh-a-Day Book of Bloopers, Quotes & Good Clean Jokes Quotes

“You know your god is man-made when he hates all the same people you do.”
― Jim Kraus, The Laugh-a-Day Book of Bloopers, Quotes & Good Clean Jokes

“If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?”
― Jim Kraus, The Laugh-a-Day Book of Bloopers, Quotes & Good Clean Jokes

“If you think things cannot get worse, it is probably because you lack sufficient imagination.”
― Jim Kraus, The Laugh-a-Day Book of Bloopers, Quotes & Good Clean Jokes

“Everyone is entitled to be foolish sometimes, but many people abuse the privilege.”
― Jim Kraus, The Laugh-a-Day Book of Bloopers, Quotes & Good Clean Jokes

“Three elderly ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch myself in front of the refrigerator with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, and I can’t remember whether I need to put the jar away or start making a sandwich.” The second lady chimed in, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or down.” “Well, I’m glad I don’t have that problem—knock on wood,” the third one said as she rapped her knuckles on the table. “Oh! That must be the door—I’ll get it!”
― Jim Kraus, The Laugh-a-Day Book of Bloopers, Quotes & Good Clean Jokes