The Vampire Handbook Quotes

“RULE #3 — DO NOT ATTEMPT TO EAT TEXANS OR ANY OTHER ANGRY REDNECKS: Beware as these individuals tend to carry shotguns packed full of enough buckshot to blow a zombie’s head to smithereens, at which point, it will be difficult to feast on brains when the said zombie is missing a head.”
― P.J. Jones, The Vampire Handbook

“STEP TWO: Writhe in unbelievable, mind-numbing, soul searing agony for three interminable days while the poison seeps into your veins and solidifies all of your bodily organs. This is much like alcohol destroys your kidneys, or like listening to Justin Bieber music destroys your ear-drums, only worse.”
― P.J. Jones, The Vampire Handbook