Kids Say the Cutest Things When They're Drunk Quotes

“Never has a man been so obsessed with his own nipples as Ben Affleck.”
― Dan McQuinn, Kids Say the Cutest Things When They're Drunk

“you can beat those rock-bottom Black Friday prices by taking up the profitable hobby of shoplifting.”
― Dan McQuinn, Kids Say the Cutest Things When They're Drunk

“DAD: I told him Santa was really the Dark Prince and he inhabits the bodies of fat old men around the world in exchange for their souls. What else could I say?”
― Dan McQuinn, Kids Say the Cutest Things When They're Drunk

“2000    Mass disappointment when computer calendar software does not destroy the world.”
― Dan McQuinn, Kids Say the Cutest Things When They're Drunk

“45 B.C.    Julius Caesar institutes Julian calendar, vowing never to miss an orgy again.”
― Dan McQuinn, Kids Say the Cutest Things When They're Drunk

“experts estimate that by the time a child born today reaches college, tuition for a four-year private university will reach the cost of six arms, four legs, two torsos and a testicle. Of course, most respectable universities no longer accept payment in human body parts.”
― Dan McQuinn, Kids Say the Cutest Things When They're Drunk