The Sum of My Parts Quotes

“I'm here as a person who coped in a way that allowed me to be here today but made me vulnerable to abuse when I was a teenager and young adult...”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

“It seems like someone new is here?"
I nodded.
"Is it okay to talk to you?"
I nodded again.
"Are you the one who doesn't like the grocery store?
"Yes," came the same soft voice.
"What is it about the grocery store?"
"It's not the store; it's the people. We get scared that some big person is going to hurt us. So we don't let her go places where there are lots of people."

I felt dizziness in my head and then a different voice—a little stronger but still young—came out: "And then there's all that noise. We won't let her go in places with too much noise."
"Is there someone new here?"
"Yes."
Is it okay if we talk together?"
"Yes."
"What's the problem with the noise?"
"It was always noisy. A lot of yelling and crying. There was too much going on."
"Is that the same kind of problem, the other part has?"
"Yes. It's too hard for her to watch everyone to figure out who is going to hurt us next."
"Don't you think Olga can take care of you?"
"We want to think that, but we aren't sure."
"Why is that?"
"Because she couldn't take care of us before."
"Do you all know what year it is?"
"1968?"
"Oh, I see. No, it's 1996, and Olga is big now. You all live inside her, and she has learned about you. She is also learning how to stop people from hurting you. She is strong and powerful. Were you there when she stopped the woman in the office from yelling at you?"
It's 1996? She's big?" I paused to let the information sink in to all the parts that were listening. "She stopped people from yelling at us?"
"Yes." Dr. Summer watched and waited. Home had been so chaotic. I had to watch Popi, Mike, Alex, and my mom very carefully. But I don't live there anymore. I'm grown up now.”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

“dissociating put me at higher risk for attacks in my neighborhood and at school, making me more easily identified by sexual predators”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

“With my newfound sense of safety came strange thoughts and fragments of scenes flashing in my head. They came slowly enough for me to see them clearly, but out of context, and I didn't understand what they meant. More and more often, I woke up drenched in sweat.”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

“Sometimes a stare comes from too much anxiety or stress. Your system can become overwhelmed." I didn't know it then. but parts inside were scared because he was looking at us so closely. He's getting too close. He's going to find out about us. I didn't make the effort to try to catch any of these thoughts.”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

“It upset him to see my family spend so much money and watch me rescue them. He didn't like bailing my mom out of the consequences of her impulsive buying decisions and encouraged me to help her set up a budget instead”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

“Some of my parts were hard workers. My well developed memory helped me remember people: their names and positions and what they said during meetings. Rather than making me seem checked out, my dissociation made me seem calm and collected. In fact, the general dissociative state I was always in helped me function very well. I collected information, interacted on a personal and professional level, and was quite adept at managing most tasks in my life from this superficially numb and calm place. Most people, including me, didn't notice. This way of being and interacting was really all I knew.”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

“Over and over, I thought, I needed to separate into parts in my head. I needed to separate into parts in my head, but I couldn't make sense of this. They were just words that didn't come together into something meaningful. A thought came up, I chased it and was able to hold on to it long enough to ponder it: I could not know this or something bad would have happened.”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

“I wondered if my friends would stop talking to me now that I was officially "crazy." What if they think I'll hurt their kids? That was a devastating thought. Then I was struck by an even bigger fear, and it's strange how long it took to surface: What will David do? Will he be afraid of me? Will he leave me? I can't make it without David. I was terrified, afraid of losing everything that I had worked so hard to build for myself, everything that kept me safe and secure. This can't be my life. It just can't be my life ran through my head over and over again.”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

“I still didn't know very much about the complex coping mechanism that had helped me survive my childhood. It was as if my conscious mind wasn't strong enough yet to fully grasp that I had parts. I knew it superficially, but I didn't feel it all the way through.”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

“Dr. Summer explained once again that he believed I was remembering real abuse that happened to me when I was growing up, that the thoughts were memories frozen in time by a dissociative process. We were piecing together a clear picture of what had happened to me so we could put my memories in their proper place: the past. He explained that the pain was my body remembering what had happened. He had explained the process many times before, just like this, but I still didn't understand. The words wouldn't connect. I asked, "How can I be a lawyer, be married? How can I be functioning if all this happened to me? I don't understand.”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

“Storing thoughts in my fist was a way of creating parts of myself, brighter rooms in the house that was my mind, parts that could hold on to feelings of being loved.”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

“My breathing calmed and I left my body. I felt myself rising up from the floor, where I was pinned. It was a very strange sensation to me, almost like splitting into two little girls.”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

“Dissociative disorders are often referred to as a highly creative survival technique. This strategy is effective because while a person is dissociating, some information—particularly regarding the circumstances associated with a traumatic event—is not associated with other information related to daily activities, like going to school, making friends, or playing sports. The traumatic information is held in a peripheral consciousness, kept at a distance from the person’s immediate awareness for the time being, ideally until the person has the strength or perspective to confront the experience.”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder