Bingsop's Fables Quotes

“They were rocketing along a country lane where there was no cell phone service, propelled by the grouchy Mogul’s constant, ill-tempered exhortations. “Faster!” yelled the Mogul, who was used to yelling at people he felt entitled to yell at. “I don’t want to be late to this fucking thing!”
― Stanley Bing, Bingsop's Fables: Little Morals for Big Business – Irreverent Corporate Humor and Useful Advice for the Executive

“Six months later, when the cutbacks were all done, the Chief Executive Officer fired this very same hatchet man with exactly the same words. “What a bastard,” said the CEO to himself as he started the search for a new second banana, a search he didn’t actually have time to complete before his new bosses at the hedge fund took him out, a step that cost them $147 million in severance but that they still considered a good investment. “What a bunch of losers,” said the hedge fund officers. And then they had lunch.”
― Stanley Bing, Bingsop's Fables: Little Morals for Big Business – Irreverent Corporate Humor and Useful Advice for the Executive

“Dude,” he said, adopting the modified surfer patois that binds together much of the more youthful cadre of senior management. “You can’t take me out. This place is nothing without a planning operation that understands and is dedicated to the day to day. Give me a chance to exercise my chops and demonstrate my added value. Besides, I’m no lawyer. I’m no beancounter. I’m a Wharton grad, did six years at KPMG. I was instrumental in the transaction that produced this acquisition, for chrissake. At some point we’re going to need to grow revenue, not just cut costs. That’s when what I do really kicks in.”
― Stanley Bing, Bingsop's Fables: Little Morals for Big Business – Irreverent Corporate Humor and Useful Advice for the Executive

“He therefore determined to hire a hatchet man to do the nasty work for him, bringing in a former McKinsey operative and giving him the title of Chief Operating Officer. This COO was himself quite expensive, his salary, bonus, long-term compensation, and perquisites amounting to the cost of several hundred smaller jobs. He at once targeted Law, Accounting, Public Relations, Event Planning, Office Services, and several other formerly integrated departments for extreme unction, although he did spare the executive chef. “This place is way fat,” he told the CEO, who knew he was full of shit but admired the zeal with which he justified his compensation.”
― Stanley Bing, Bingsop's Fables: Little Morals for Big Business – Irreverent Corporate Humor and Useful Advice for the Executive

“These are tough times,” said the COO to each of them. “And tough times call for hard solutions. Thank you for your contribution. Now get the fuck out of here.” Actually, he didn’t say that precisely. But that’s precisely what he meant.”
― Stanley Bing, Bingsop's Fables: Little Morals for Big Business – Irreverent Corporate Humor and Useful Advice for the Executive