Healing Your Family History Quotes

“The best place to learn this is in the home. But if you live in a dysfunctional family, understanding charity can be profoundly difficult. In these situations, love can sometimes be equated with abuse. Because the perpetrator— usually a parent or other close relative—is supposed to care (that’s what families do, right?), most victims end up believing that something must be wrong with them. They suppose that they deserved everything because they’re bad. They learn to hate themselves, and they fear uncovering their feelings of nothingness because their deep-seated wounds are so painful.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“Most folks are doing the very best they can, and all they desire is to be cared for—especially at home. But many people don’t realize what they’re seeking, so they falsely perceive that more wealth, control of others, or the transient pleasures of addictive behaviors will make them feel happy and fulfilled. And often, money, fame, and career success—or the use of drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, or prescription medications— do bring the illusion of acceptance, freedom, and affection. Only when these individuals peel away the motivations that leave them participating in destructive behaviors do they identify their real needs.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“when you allow yourself to release the burdens caused by other people’s abuses and addictions. Because these aren’t your fault, it’s not necessary to carry them forever. Forgive and take responsibility by choosing to learn and grow from your trials and deciding to move forward in spite of them.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“Boundary confusion is one of the foundation blocks upon which a dysfunctional, codependent personality is developed.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“We all have the power to choose to forgive, and in doing so, we give back the painful wound to the one who is ultimately responsible—the abuser. We’re then free to move on because we’ve removed a burden.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“When aggravated by continued abuse, powerful emotions of rebellion, anger, and hatred can come to life. These feelings are typically directed inward, and they impact the way that victims see others, life, and even God.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“by uncovering the illusions and finding the gifts they’ve masked, we can grow, and begin to feel more love and gratitude for our relatives. This is the true healing process.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“If there is anything natural and inevitable about the aging process, it cannot be known until the chains of our old beliefs are broken.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“People don’t grow old. When they stop growing, they become old.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“As the saying goes, “If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.” If we’re finding it hard to fulfill our needs, there’s something within us (most likely a thought process or belief governed by fear) that needs to change so that we can create a different reality.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“we convince ourselves that we’re getting affection when we’re not. This is common with families and communities where abuse is prevalent. We don’t always want to see that our actions (or those of our leaders or family members) are unkind and potentially abusive. We want so badly to be cared for and connected to someone that, rather than facing the pain and fear, we adjust our perception of love to fit the dysfunctional patterns.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“In order to heal the external world, we must begin within. Reality is always a reflection of what’s on the inside. It’s a law:”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“Food, sex, drug, or alcohol addictions • Relationship failures • Abuse of any kind • Religious frustration and/or anger • Emotional detachment”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“Albert Einstein once stated: “The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” It is not until we understand our limited thinking that we can choose to alter it and ourselves.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“if they’re willing to recognize their patterns and change them. When they’re willing to see the truth and alter their beliefs, they can create new opportunities for themselves and their descendants. Until then, they may feel as if they’re victims in a world they can’t control, trying to make more money but barely getting by.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“When family beliefs lead you to judge someone or something as bad, another conflict appears: Your conclusions and reality get out of sync. The Smith family judged physicians harshly, so it would be difficult for any of them to adopt a similar lifestyle—even if they had the means to do so and would be happier that way. This is parallel to my condemnation of myself when my home didn’t meet my family’s standards. Until I healed my self-judgment, it was hard for me to let my house be dirty without an emotional consequence. And as any mother knows, cleaning a home with children in it is like shoveling snow in a blizzard. I would have been an emotional mess if I hadn’t dealt with this faulty core belief, and my anxiety could have caused undue stress for my children.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“Most limiting systems aren’t consciously communicated. For instance, I don’t ever recall my grandmother saying to me, “Becky, you’d better keep a clean house and learn to cook as well as I do, or you’ll be a bad person and a failure as a wife and mother.” No, she never said that. In fact, if she were living and read this book, she might disagree that she even conveyed that message. After all, she loved me and would have done just about anything to ensure my happiness. She was a wonderful, caring grandmother.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“Keep in mind that any information, teaching, tradition, value, or projection that leads you to dislike or hate yourself is an illusion.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“Family traditions that hinder your ability to love, understand, and succeed are false—they”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“As you work to understand your emotions—including those of the family members who came before you—and put together the pieces of your past that have made you who you are, your healing will begin.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“Sometimes the greatest gifts can be found in the darkest, deepest closets of the mind.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“All of life is like this. You may attempt over and over again to accomplish a goal, but if you do so from an intellectual standpoint only, you’ll rarely be successful.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“Perhaps the most important decision you’ve ever made (that is, your marriage and the creation of your family) was based on your feelings.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“But emotions teach those who are willing to pay attention. By processing them, we learn to empathize, and love ourselves and others. In fact, understanding this aspect of our being is central to healing our family history, because it holds the most powerful energy that we use to create our lives.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“We also need to be willing to confront the emotions that may exist as a result of everything that’s been passed down to us.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“We’re tied to our heritage in a powerful way, and if we want to change our individual behavior or beliefs and heal ourselves, knowledge about our history becomes perhaps the most important data we need. In order to move forward, we must know what our forebears have passed on to us and what they’ve communicated to each other, both consciously and unconsciously, throughout the years.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“physiological correlates of emotion.” Pert’s work sheds new light on the physical nature of feelings and the powerful effects that they have on our bodies. Because of her research and other relevant studies, we can consider the possibility that our emotions are passed from one generation to the next in a physical form.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“1. She couldn’t count on anyone, not even God, to help her. 2. Something was wrong with her; otherwise, the abuse wouldn’t have happened. 3. She had no control over her life (which led to the development of a victim mentality). 4. She was inadequate and didn’t deserve good things.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“Unhealthy family patterns—such as willingly spending your life working hard without any compensation— can end up running your life, leaving behind powerful and long-lasting effects that you and those around you must eventually reconcile.”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns

“financial success, less work and more play, and the confidence to pursue a dream can’t become a reality until a false tradition is identified, challenged, and fully transcended—”
― Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns