The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women Quotes

“Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.          —Lois Wyse, author and columnist”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“You can have all the confidence in the world and still be reluctant to self-promote out of a steadfast belief that a person’s work should speak for itself. It doesn’t.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“Years from now no one will remember all the extra projects you took on or your meticulously organized garage. What they—and you—will recall is the time you said no to a work assignment to take your kids to the science museum or when you ignored household chores to enjoy the sunset.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“It’s hard not to smile when you hear that American frontiersman Daniel Boone once insisted, “I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“Partly this has to do with the tendency for females to blame failure on a lack of ability. Males do just the opposite. They credit themselves for their accomplishments and point to outside reasons for failure—the teacher didn’t give us enough time to study, the test was too hard, the referee was unfair.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“Simply changing how you talk to yourself about a difficulty or a challenge changes how you approach it.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“When you see yourself as a work-in-progress, you’re automatically less likely to experience feelings of inadequacy.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“Then there are families for whom education was not the focus at all. Instead children were expected to go into the family business, join the military, marry and have children, enter the clergy, or grow up to be a contributing member of one’s racial, religious, or cultural group—something some African, Latino, Native, and Asian Americans refer to as “collective success.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“Research has found that people are more likely to attribute a man’s success to ability and yours to luck.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“Competence doesn’t mean knowing how to do everything yourself. Instead, competence means knowing how to identify the resources needed to get the job done.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“the growth mindset sees intelligence as malleable and capability as something that can be built over time.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“To the fixed-mindset person, intelligence and skill are seen as a sum game. Either you can do math or you can’t. You’re artistic or you’re not. You have what it takes to sell or to be a great speaker or you don’t. Not surprisingly, Dweck found that people who have a fixed mindset are more likely to rate high on the impostor scale.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“Speak up without self-judgment in your next meeting or class.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“The important thing is not to take the discomfort of feeling out of your element to mean you are somehow less intelligent, capable, or worthy than others. You are where you are because you deserve to be. Period.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“when female students feel their questions are dismissed by professors, their self-confidence declines; conversely, feeling heard boosts women’s confidence.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“He looked at me. “Aren’t I entitled to make a mistake once in a while?”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“The problem is that organizations are famous for taking people who are happy as individual contributors and turning them into managers or bureaucrats, and for pulling them away to serve on committees or perform other good-citizen functions.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“Even the legendary Babe Ruth batted “only” .342. You can’t hit every ball that comes your way, and neither can anyone else.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“Because you believe a more competent person would be farther along by now, when you do run up against something that is not easily understood, that’s difficult or time-consuming to master, you think, It must be me. This thinking is reinforced by a culture that has lost the notion of apprenticeship, one that reveres talent over effort and overnight success over slow, steady progress.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“Non-impostors who work hard do so because that’s what’s required to get the job done. When their diligence pays off, it enhances their confidence. But when your work pays off, you mostly feel relief.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“If you don’t feel heard, pay attention to how you may contribute to this dynamic: Do you use the more traditionally female mode of communication, which is to defer and wait your turn? That’s fine to do when the stakes are low. But there are situations where in order to be heard you have to forgo the usual rules, starting with the belief that you always have to follow the rules.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“In play pairs, even among children as young as two and a half, boys pay attention to protests from other boys. But when girls tell boys to stop doing something, the boys ignore them.9”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“irritability in men is regarded as a sign of status. But when women lose their temper they’re seen as less competent.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“Studies repeatedly show that if you attended a women’s college, you are likely to have higher self-esteem and more intellectual self-confidence than your counterparts at coed institutions.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“In spite of all the progress, the fact remains that being “too” anything that’s considered unfeminine can cause people of both genders to perceive you to be less competent and a less desirable hire.”
― Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“psychologists found that just reminding people of money made them less willing to help another person and more likely to put more physical distance between themselves and others.”
― Valerie Young Ed.D, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“Ernst & Young, Catalyst, the World Bank, and McKinsey have “all discovered over the past few years that once parliaments and corporate boards reach 30 percent female representation, the quality of decisions improves, the guys behave better, and there is less corruption.”[1]”
― Valerie Young Ed.D, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“not only has materialism been found to arise from self-doubt, but increases in self-doubt also heighten materialistic orientation.”
― Valerie Young Ed.D, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“Nelson Mandela said, “I never lose. I either win or I learn.”
― Valerie Young Ed.D, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It

“Remember, you can be at the top of your game and still strike out more often than not.”
― Valerie Young Ed.D, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It