The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories Quotes

“Your clothing is not—how do we say?—not in harmony with the evening. Your shoes—oh, your shoes! I could write several depressing poems in the styling of Monsieur Camus about the existential problems posed by your shoes.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“The King went. He had never been to the mine before. He had always intended to, but something had always come up. A ham sandwich. An unexpected visit from his Aunt Gertrude. Gophers pillaging the royal garden.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“March 20. Bizarre. Guy in tights, wearing a sword, strode into office. Shouting something about rescuing the sleeping beauty. Drew sword and killed copy machine.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“We flew back into Manhattan as the sun was setting. It was beautiful. One of those Hollywood shots with the waning light gilding the skyscrapers, the water on the Hudson, the Statue of Liberty. A flock of birds—pigeons, I guess—fluttered up like doves of peace, and Snix blew right through them. I could smell burnt feathers.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“Elves are as strong as steel, quick as fireflies, and as bouncy as a rubber ball. Herk and Jerzy were making easy money. On slow days at the Pole, I’ve seen them go box with the polar bears. The bears are stubborn enough to keep on trying, but they never win.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“The room was in pandemonium. Women shrieking their fool heads off. Men screaming as well. There was a concerted effort to get out of the place as fast as possible, but, in general, people don’t do well in emergencies. Most of them seemed to have forgotten where the front doors were. The string quartet in the corner kept their heads, however, and launched into an energetic rendition of Flight of the Bumblebees.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“The fork stabbed down into the upholstery, about an inch from my head. I was afraid she was going to hurt someone with that knife, so I wrestled her into the closet and locked the door. She thumped about and hollered in there, but I’ve learned over the years that you have to be firm with women. They respect that in a man.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“In my day as a beat cop, we didn’t know the meaning of the word fear! We were men. We didn’t mind getting shot every now and then. Hell, I used to get shot at nearly once a week, and that was just my wife.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“He ran most of the organized crime in the city: five gambling joints, three whorehouses, and both political parties.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“Step on it, or I’ll knock your block off!” “Less KGB shtick,” said the cabbie, inching out into traffic. “More glass of vodka, you know I mean?” “All right, you little squeezer. Fifty bucks if you get there pronto!” “That’s like it! You are the cool man!”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“I had my usual dream that always followed a big dinner of red meat. You know, the one with the troupe of clowns, the Waffen SS division, and Emily Post. It was getting to the good part, where Ms. Post begins her lecture on table settings. The clowns were getting restless and the SS were asking hard questions about salad forks. Of course, the phone started ringing at that moment. Ms. Post answered the phone.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“For dessert, I had another rib eye”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“I shot him in the chest. Three times. And then three or four times more for good measure, because he was looking kind of stubborn.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“The place was as silent as my Uncle Melvin that one Christmas when he fell into a coma after his third helping of pork chops.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“Something’s wrong,” I said. It felt wrong. Wrong like discovering a Russian dance troupe hiding in your closet. Or waking at 3 a.m. and finding the Mayor shaking your hand, asking for a campaign contribution. Or even as wrong as my Great Aunt Marge. It was that wrong and then some.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“Chocolate Crunchy Crunch was invented by Genghis Khan’s chef, Bharli Zup. The Mongol hordes always carried some in their saddlebags when they rode out to burn and pillage. The original recipe included the pulverized bones of Polish peasants.” “Those Mongols.” I shook my head. “I, uh, assume you updated the recipe a bit?”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“My feet hurt. I needed some new shoes. Or maybe it was high time I got in shape. I was six-three in my socks, heavy enough with muscle, but my gut was starting to show the influence of a few too many beers. I could join a gym. Pump some iron, run on a treadmill while staring at a TV talk show twenty inches in front of my face. Do time on the elliptical next to some flabby gasper in spandex. Or maybe I just needed better shoes.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“I don’t believe in lawyers, just like I don’t believe in Santa Claus. I’m Irish, so, even though I believe in some things, a man has to draw the line somewhere.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“The morning sun was as hot as the Devil’s coffee. The pavement was hotter.”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories

“From the Files of Mike Murphy”
― Christopher Bunn, The Mike Murphy Files and Other Stories