Secure Love Quotes

“Because no single event takes down a relationship. Negative communication cycles, on the other hand, absolutely do.”
― Julie Menanno, Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

“having attachment needs doesn’t make you “needy.” Clients frequently ask me, “Isn’t it codependent to expect my partner to meet all of these needs for me?” But the answer is no. Met attachment needs (and we’re only talking about met attachment needs, not every single need a person has) are simply what’s necessary to feel close to another person. They don’t make you whole, but they do make a loving relationship whole. That doesn’t mean your partner has to love you before you can love yourself. Our partners’ love can help us love ourselves, or help us expand upon the love we already have for ourselves, but their love can’t make us love ourselves—that needs to be happening independent of them.”
― Julie Menanno, Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

“keep in mind that your parents’ behavior did not need to be intentional for you to develop an insecure attachment style. Most parents want the best for their children, but if one or both of your parents didn’t have secure attachments of their own, they were limited in their ability to create an emotionally secure environment in which you could emotionally thrive.”
― Julie Menanno, Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

“If you were lucky enough to grow up with adults who were relatively emotionally savvy, they were able to recognize your felt sense of emotional pain associated with distress and help you learn to put words to the experience, just as they taught you how to connect hunger the feeling with hunger the word.”
― Julie Menanno, Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

“might think, “If I’m proven to be the bad guy here, that might mean I’m not worthy of getting my own needs met.” Even when a partner is clearly in the wrong, they may fight hard to prove their goodness. In the moment, not being seen as the bad guy can feel like life or death, and for good reason: you’re fighting for your worth as a person and as a partner, because you’ve been taught that bad guys aren’t worthy or lovable. Even if you don’t understand why you play who’s the bad guy, recognizing that you do it is enough if you can learn to get out of it. To interrupt “Who’s the Bad Guy,” name it: “I think we’re stuck playing ‘Who’s the Bad Guy.’ What if instead we’re both the good guys fighting to reach each other and feel safe?”
― Julie Menanno, Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

“Who’s the Bad Guy? “Who’s the Bad Guy?” is a blame-blame trap in which each partner fixates on what the other partner has done wrong. If you can relate to blame-blame (and most couples can), remember that you’re each fighting to not be the bad guy because your insecurely attached wiring has taught you that being in the wrong makes you wholly bad, which is certain to leave you feeling shamed, misunderstood, invalidated, worthless, incompetent, and devalued. You”
― Julie Menanno, Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

“As we journey into attachment theory together, keep in mind that your parents’ behavior did not need to be intentional for you to develop an insecure attachment style. Most parents want the best for their children, but if one or both of your parents didn’t have secure attachments of their own, they were limited in their ability to create an emotionally secure environment in which you could emotionally thrive.”
― Julie Menanno, Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime