Facing Violence Quotes

“It is better to avoid than to run, better to run than to de-escalate, better to de-escalate than to fight, better to fight than to die.”
― Rory Miller, Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected

“Develop the habit of doing unpleasant things quickly and without hesitation. If you are going to jump in the cold water, jump in the cold water. If you need to get up, get your ass out of bed. Do the dishes that need doing. Finish the hard jobs at work while everyone else is coming up with excuses to get out of them.”
― Rory Miller, Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected

“If I label someone as “bad,” I know my own meaning: he will hurt someone to get what he wants. If I use “evil” it means he will hurt someone even when he doesn’t want anything.”
― Rory Miller, Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected

“A wise man once told me about the trouble with going into law enforcement as a career, "No matter what any bleeding-heart tells you, 3% of the people in the world are scum. The trouble is, if you spent 80% of your time with that 3%, you start thinking that 80% of the world is scum.”
― Rory Miller, Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected

“The Predator has already “othered” you to a sufficient extent that any communication that relies on a shared feeling of humanity will be ineffective. The Threat does not see you as the same species.”
― Rory Miller, Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected

“if someone says, “Shut the fuck up or I’m going to beat your ass,” and it escalates into a fight you will have real trouble proving self-defense... because you didn’t simply shut the fuck up. Self-defense is about defending your body, not your pride. If this threat display devolves into a fight, you were engaged in the Monkey Dance. You were not defending yourself. •”
― Rory Miller, Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected

“When you are or believe yourself to be on dangerous and alien ground, keep your mouth shut.”
― Rory Miller, Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected

“If you can smell things, you’re breathing right.” What I found was that consciously smelling the Threat not only kept me breathing but was both calming and put me in a predator mindset.[39] It was very, very effective.”
― Rory Miller, Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected

“being meek and silent prevents social violence. The message is, “I am not challenging you, I will do nothing bad, you do whatever you want and I will stay out of your way.” This is exactly what a predator is looking”
― Rory Miller, Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected

“social violence. The message is, “I am not challenging you, I will do nothing bad, you do whatever you want and I will stay out of your way.” This is exactly what a predator is looking for.”
― Rory Miller, Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected

“Read DeBecker’s book.”
― Rory Miller, Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected

“bad bosses chew-out in public for the purpose of showing their dominance).”
― Rory Miller, Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected

“You wanted to hurt someone you love? Who hasn't? People you love are sometimes the only people close enough to really hurt us. This desire is not something new.”
― Rory Miller, Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected

“In order to be a valid immediate threat, the individual must exhibit three things and another fourth element is necessary. These are Intent, Means, Opportunity and Preclusion.”
― Rory Miller, Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected