The Eye of the Bedlam Bride Quotes

“Did... did you just rip your dick off and throw it at me?”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“I mean, really. I can’t be held accountable for everything I’ve ever said to a stripper.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Story time. In September of 1869, there was a terrible fire at the Avondale coal mine near Plymouth, Pennsylvania. Over 100 coal miners lost their lives. Horrific conditions and safety standards were blamed for the disaster. It wasn’t the first accident. Hundreds of miners died in these mines every year. And those that didn’t, lived in squalor. Children as young as eight worked day in and out. They broke their bodies and gave their lives for nothing but scraps. That day of the fire, as thousands of workers and family members gathered outside the mine to watch the bodies of their friends and loved ones brought to the surface, a man named John Siney stood atop one of the carts and shouted to the crowd: Men, if you must die with your boots on, die for your families, your homes, your country, but do not longer consent to die, like rats in a trap, for those who have no more interest in you than in the pick you dig with. That day, thousands of coal miners came together to unionize. That organization, the Workingmen’s Benevolent Association, managed to fight, for a few years at least, to raise safety standards for the mines by calling strikes and attempting to force safety legislation. ... Until 1875, when the union was obliterated by the mine owners. Why was the union broken so easily? Because they were out in the open. They were playing by the rules. How can you win a deliberately unfair game when the rules are written by your opponent? The answer is you can’t. You will never win. Not as long as you follow their arbitrary guidelines. This is a new lesson to me. She’s been teaching me so many things, about who I am. About what I am. What I really am. About what must be done. Anyway, during this same time, it is alleged a separate, more militant group of individuals had formed in secret. The Molly Maguires. Named after a widow in Ireland who fought against predatory landlords, the coal workers of Pennsylvania became something a little more proactive, supposedly assassinating over two dozen coal mine supervisors and managers. ... Until Pinkerton agents, hired by the same mine owners, infiltrated the group and discovered their identities. Several of the alleged Mollies ended up publicly hanged. Others disappeared. You get the picture. So, that’s another type of secret society. The yeah-we’re-terrorists-but-we-strongly-feel-we’re-justified-and-fuck-you-if-you-don’t-agree society. So, what’s the moral of this little history lesson? This sort of thing happens all day, every day across the universe. It happens in Big Ways, and it happens in little ways, too. The strong stomp on the weak. The weak fight back, usually within the boundaries of the rat trap they find themselves confined. They almost always remain firmly stomped. But sometimes, the weak gather in secret. They make plans. They work outside the system to effect change. Like the Mollies, they usually end up just as stomped as everyone else. But that’s just life. At least they fucking tried. They died with their boots on, as much as I hate that expression. They died with their boots on for their people, their family, not for some rich, nameless organization that gives no shits whether they live or die. Or go extinct. Or are trapped for a millennia after they’re done being used. In my opinion, that’s the only type of society that’s worth joining, worth fighting for. Sure, you’re probably gonna die. But if you find yourself in such a position where such an organization is necessary, what do you have to lose? How can you look at yourself if you don’t do everything you can? And that brings us to the door you’re standing in front of right now. What does all this have to do with what you’re going to find on the other side? Nothing!”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Don’t gaslight me, Jesus.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“They say the sincerest form of flattery is when someone copies you.” Donut scoffed. “No, Carl. That’s just something thieves say to make themselves feel better about stealing other people’s stuff. The sincerest form of flattery is when people cry when they meet you.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Never stare into the blinding eye of the Bedlam Bride. What it means is don’t become obsessed with something, lest you’re blinded to everything else.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“You are more than just a person, if we lose you we lose everything. You are a symbol. You're the embodiment of our hope. You and that annoying f**king cat!.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“But all I could think about was that lonely dog, left alone to guard an empty gas station on Christmas day.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“You can’t un-lick a butthole that’s already been licked. That was a legal and properly paid-for sponsor box which led him to the location,”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“It’s the Son Who Fell. The Sinner, Resurrected. The Bringer of Disease, Bringer of Salvation. The Ender of All Blasphemy. It’s the calamitous, rapturous, and ultimately hazardous master of the life-death boomerang. It’s Lazarus-A-Bang-Bang!”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Sometimes, there are no surprises, and despite that, despite your intention to gird yourself against what’s about to come, it still hits you with the force of a kick to the stomach.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Donut: I’M JUST GLAD IT DIDN’T KEEP US IN IOWA. DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO WOULD VOLUNTARILY VISIT IOWA? THAT’S ALMOST AS BAD AS DELAWARE.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“These bitches are godsdamned crazy. Full stop. You look that shit up in Wikipedia, and it’ll be the first line. It’ll say, “These bitches are three pugs short of a grumble.” It’s not an opinion, but an absolute fact.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“T’Ghee Card. Unique. Totem Card. HeyZoos. Uzi Jesus. “I am the way, motherfucker.” Level: 140.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“In other words, yes. All you crawlers in Cuba pulled it off. Especially Carl who literally pulled off a guy named Raul to make this happen. And in case you don’t get the metaphor: Carl jerked off a crab. “What the fuck?” I called up into the air. “That’s not true!”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Donut told me about your dumbass idea to use one of your own bones or whatever to get out. People have bones for a reason, Carl.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Donut: PREPOTENTE DON’T BE MEAN TO KATIA. Rezan: Why does that cat always type in all caps? Donut: WHY DIDN’T YOUR MOTHER DRIBBLE YOU BACK OUT ONTO THE TRUCK STOP BATHROOM FLOOR, REZAN?”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Donut: SHE DOESN’T EVEN USE A LITTERBOX, CARL. IT’S HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Right now, I needed to get this damn crab to jerk off into the ocean.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“YAY! I CAN TALK ABOUT GOSSIP GIRL AND RIVERDALE AND THE VAMPIRE DIARIES.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“So, what’s the moral of this little history lesson? This sort of thing happens all day, every day across the universe. It happens in Big Ways, and it happens in little ways, too. The strong stomp on the weak. The weak fight back, usually within the boundaries of the rat trap they find themselves confined. They almost always remain firmly stomped. But sometimes, the weak gather in secret. They make plans. They work outside the system to effect change.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Totem Card. HeyZoos. Uzi Jesus.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“I cast Heal on myself as I read her message a second time, confusion rising. Anton started moving toward Oshun’s shrine while Sister Ines and Paz tried to stop him. “You have to break his finger!” Donut yelled. “Goodness. Carl, look at his erection! Good for you, Anton!”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“This is a metallic penis extension that comes with a free probation officer and a traumatic brain injury.” “You tried to get me to pick this exact motorcycle when it was one of the choices on the prize carousel!”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Shut your titty hole,” Quasar said to me.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Yes, daddy Carl. It’s difficult to exude confidence when I am nothing but an undeserving louse burning in her glittering radiance.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“I will take a 50 percent chance to survive with all of you over a 100 percent chance to survive alone any day.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“You have become a very scary dude. Maybe I should be calling you daddy instead of the other way around.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“I didn’t realize you’d actually get that thing to work. Are you planning on growing a mullet as well? Are there any Waffle Houses between here and there? Maybe we can stop and get into a brawl, but only after you bounce a few child support payment checks first.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Oh, yes,” Samantha purred. “I got a coin pouch in my nussy. You make that drink right, and I’ll let you use those sexy claws of yours to... dig it out.” “In your what?”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride