The Average American Male Quotes

“We drive down the road in complete silence for a few miles listening to 50 Cent. As soon as he tells us that he's into having sex, he ain't into making love, Casey turns the volume down and begins telling me the following information: " I love you so much. We're going to have the best life together. I can't wait." Every word she says makes me feel a little more like faking a stroke and pretending to lose all memory of who I was, but it's not until she looks me in the eye and says in all seriousness, "You're my soul mate," that I realize I am not going to marry her.”
― Chad Kultgen, The Average American Male

“Every word she says makes me feel a little more like faking a stroke and pretending to lose all memory of who I was.”
― Chad Kultgen, The Average American Male

“At that point I was just a little too conscious to hold on to it and I woke up with that awful empty feeling you get when you realize the person who can make you happier than anything is a fucking dream.”
― Chad Kultgen, The Average American Male

“On the drive home I continue to try and jar the fetus loose with more abrupt driving maneuvers.”
― Chad Kultgen, The Average American Male

“She's been fucking someone else. She's still fucking Duane. She's getting back together with Duane and they're getting married. Duane's in the closet with a video camera and a gun.”
― Chad Kultgen, The Average American Male